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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saying absolutely no way to a short Australian trip

116 replies

CapaciousMug · 01/12/2024 11:41

DHs sister moved to the Gold Coast in Australia several years ago, she and her husband have 3 kids, 4, 6 and 7. DD is our only child. She turned 3 in August and is nursery now.
This year, DHs family are coming here. We haven't decided where we will have dinner yet, as my parents are local too.
Next year DH thinks we should go to Australia over new year, fly out Boxing Day and be back in time for school/work (he's a teacher) starting back. He doesn't want to do Christmas in Australia as it won't feel Christmasy.
Now obviously I can't see the flights for next year yet but based on this years. If we flew out Boxing Day, the earliest we'd arrive is late on the 27th, but that's on a few routes, we'd fly back on the Sunday the 5th, land in the UK early Monday morning and school/work goes back Tuesday.
I think this sounds ridiculously exhausting, especially to do every other year.
I'd rather we go before Christmas as I love Australia and love visiting and want DD to get to go. DH insists Christmas in Australia just wouldn't be Christmas.

AIBU to say no as this sounds exhausting and unfair on DD. I say we either go before Christmas and spend more like 2 weeks there or we don't go!

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 01/12/2024 11:43

YANBU

Go in the summer holidays when you can have a chunk of time out there.

dulciede · 01/12/2024 11:43

Is he on glue?

YANBU.

Didimum · 01/12/2024 11:45

It’s over a week/almost 10 days out there. You’re entitled to have any preferences you like over trips, but I don’t see the issue with ‘exhaustion’, to be honest.

Hols23 · 01/12/2024 11:45

YANBU. Christmas is a great time to go but go for the whole Christmas holidays not just a few days.

Doje · 01/12/2024 11:46

Go at Easter, it's a good time to get time off school and the weather is good.

Definitely not what he is proposing!

chollysawcutt · 01/12/2024 11:47

it won't feel Christmasy.

Ha. Is he 5? Is he worried Santa won't find him?

Dotto · 01/12/2024 11:48

YANBU. It's so fucking selfish when family move so far away and someone expects you to visit often. Refuse such a ridiculous trip.

SilverBlueRabbit · 01/12/2024 11:48

That's a bad idea. I say this as someone who lives in the UK but I am Australian. I have travelled to Oz with a 3 year old before and it was Hell On Earth. Doing it for such a short time is even more hellish.

FWIW, we are going over Christmas- we leave the 15th and we return on the 5th. But that is because the Dcs are older now (14 and 11) and better able to cope.

By the way- Christmas in Australia is still christmassy, just a different kind of christmassy and has its own enchantment. You can do the traditional Boxing day swim in decent temperatures for a start. Plus there is not alot of beat a Christmas day bbq or seafood buffet.

Original poster
CapaciousMug · 01/12/2024 11:48

Just to clarify this isn't about going at Christmas over Easter or Summer. I'm sure we will go at those times too.
This is for a regular every other year trip to spend Christmas and or New year with them.
Either way we will go at Christmas it's just is it over Christmas Day itself or after Christmas.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 01/12/2024 11:49

OP I'll do the US for work a lot, happy with a 4 day round trip etc

But Aus for a week with a 3yo nope. Madness.

BrightYellowStar · 01/12/2024 11:49

I"ve flown to Australia several times and your husband's suggestion is ludicrous. It will take you days to adjust to the new time zone (going there and on your return) and will be horrendous disruption for your 3 year old.

Absolutely no way I'd consider this.

As a PP mentioned it makes much more sense to go in the summer.

As a side note, I have spent Christmas day in Australia having a BBQ on the beach and whilst pleasant it really didn't feel like Christmas at all.

Original poster
CapaciousMug · 01/12/2024 11:51

SilverBlueRabbit · 01/12/2024 11:48

That's a bad idea. I say this as someone who lives in the UK but I am Australian. I have travelled to Oz with a 3 year old before and it was Hell On Earth. Doing it for such a short time is even more hellish.

FWIW, we are going over Christmas- we leave the 15th and we return on the 5th. But that is because the Dcs are older now (14 and 11) and better able to cope.

By the way- Christmas in Australia is still christmassy, just a different kind of christmassy and has its own enchantment. You can do the traditional Boxing day swim in decent temperatures for a start. Plus there is not alot of beat a Christmas day bbq or seafood buffet.

I think DH struggles to believe DD will find it hard as when we went last year she was 2 and did pretty well. However the jet lag floored us all and he knows that.

He refuses to believe anything short of a full roast, carols at the local village green and bitterly cold walk after dinner can be anything close to Christmassy!

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 01/12/2024 11:55

CapaciousMug · 01/12/2024 11:51

I think DH struggles to believe DD will find it hard as when we went last year she was 2 and did pretty well. However the jet lag floored us all and he knows that.

He refuses to believe anything short of a full roast, carols at the local village green and bitterly cold walk after dinner can be anything close to Christmassy!

Show quote history

I agree with him. I couldn't do Christmas somewhere hot either.

I'd make a lovely new tradition of spending the summer with them and make your own traditional home-based Christmas for DD with your family based in the UK.

If you need to see each other at New Year meet somewhere in between.

Cm19841 · 01/12/2024 11:57

What a waste to take a trip so far for such a short period of time. Honestly, just an irresponsible use of family money. Couldn't be with a partner like this.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 01/12/2024 11:58

SilverBlueRabbit · 01/12/2024 11:48

That's a bad idea. I say this as someone who lives in the UK but I am Australian. I have travelled to Oz with a 3 year old before and it was Hell On Earth. Doing it for such a short time is even more hellish.

FWIW, we are going over Christmas- we leave the 15th and we return on the 5th. But that is because the Dcs are older now (14 and 11) and better able to cope.

By the way- Christmas in Australia is still christmassy, just a different kind of christmassy and has its own enchantment. You can do the traditional Boxing day swim in decent temperatures for a start. Plus there is not alot of beat a Christmas day bbq or seafood buffet.

I went with my nearly 2 and 4 years olds. It certainly wasn’t hell either direction for us- the kids adapted better than we did. but yes, doesn’t seem worth the bother for a short trip

cheezncrackers · 01/12/2024 11:58

YANBU. That would be an utterly brutal trip, particularly with such a young DC. I've been to Australia a couple of times and vowed last time to never fly straight there again, take three weeks and have a stopover each way. No way would I do what your DH is proposing with a 4-year-old.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 01/12/2024 11:59

I personally wouldn’t brother for that short time - it would take too much out of me.

I think he’s being daft. HOWEVER it is bloody hot that time of year, particularly with young kids that aren’t used to it. Have you considered going at Easter? Lovely time of year, still hot but not ridiculous and a little less busy.

Tagyoureit · 01/12/2024 11:59

So for 1 year, your DH can't have Xmas day in a different country? What is he, 5?

Just say it's not worth going on boxing day as Xmas day won't feel like Xmas day anyway when you're preparing to go away, packing, cleaning, putting the bins out, clearing out the fridge etc! That's not very Christmassy is it? Or is he expecting Christmas with all the trimmings, sitting on his arse and for you to do all the pre-holiday crap?

Alondra · 01/12/2024 12:05

I will go with "is he on glue?" and I live in Australia.

It's a brutal flight for a one week trip for adults, let alone children.

TriNie · 01/12/2024 12:08

Okay I'm not saying you should or that it think it's a good idea. But I lived in Australia for about 24 years. In that time my brother brought his daughter on his own between Christmas and School going back. The first year he did it she was 4, just started reception and it went a bit chaotically. But by the end it was great. She wouldn't be exhausted, she often did surf lessons while here. We even made the trip to Sydney with them sometimes for new year. I will say he always travelled business, he said that being able to sleep on the plane properly made a big difference.
So while I think it's a bit much, it can work.

CuriousGeorge80 · 01/12/2024 12:12

I spend every second Christmas on the Gold Coast. Absolutely wouldn't do it for 10 days with a 3 year old (or probably at all). You need at least two weeks.

I will say though that I don't enjoy Christmas here, it isn't the same at all. I do it because I'm married to an Australian and my kids gp are here, so it's the right thing to do. But it's nothing like a UK Christmas however hard I try. I would much, much, much rather come every second UK summer instead.

Circumferences · 01/12/2024 12:13

A flight to Australia from here is literally living hell for anyone let alone young children 😬😬

Can you afford business class? Really save up for it? I'd really really strongly advise getting first class rather than economy for this sort of flight especially with a small child. I can't stress this enough.

Then, once you've spent an absolute fortune on the flights there's no point staying in Aus for a short time. You'll need to make the most of it! Have a couple of weeks there at least.

Circumferences · 01/12/2024 12:14

Is DH's sister bringing her three young children to the UK just for Christmas ? Are they doing a sort of travel tour and including lots of stops or what? Because that sounds mental.

Alondra · 01/12/2024 12:15

OP, it's almost 22 hours for a direct flight from London to Brisbane with a stopover of 2-3 hours to change planes and crews. Add another 22 hours on the return leg and the week holiday is 5 days dealing with jet lag.

Does your husband have any idea how far Australia is from England?

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 01/12/2024 12:17

YANBU at ALL. Your DH must have been eating magic mushrooms if he thinks you can do a trip to Australia and back in the space of a week - with a small child especially! You will have jet lag for the first 2-3 days and be really weary and tired. And your child will be still tiny/virtually a toddler, and she won't enjoy it at all.

Your DH's sister is the one who fucked off to the other side of the planet, if she wants to see her family, she can come back to the UK. Right or wrong, my rule of thumb is the one who fucks off and leaves is the one who does the lion's share of the visiting. (And if it's overseas they do it all.) Unless the ones left behind specifically WANT to visit them, which most won't tbf. And I say that as someone who moved away. Albeit only 30 to 40 minutes drive from my family and the place I grew up. I am the one who visits 90% of the time. I don't expect everyone to come out to me when I chose to move.

And like fuck would I ever be visiting anyone in Australia! Apart from if it was any one of my 2 DC. (II doubt they will ever leave the UK though, let alone go that far!) For most people it will signal the end of the relationship when someone moves that far away, even if you're related. The cost of the trip alone is massively offputting for some people (for many it will be impossible to spend that kind of money - multiple 1000s) on popping over to see someone for a week for Christmas.

Your DH is being ridiculous @CapaciousMug