Saying absolutely no way to a short Australian trip

[CapaciousMug]

DHs sister moved to the Gold Coast in Australia several years ago, she and her husband have 3 kids, 4, 6 and 7. DD is our only child. She turned 3 in August and is nursery now.
This year, DHs family are coming here. We haven't decided where we will have dinner yet, as my parents are local too.
Next year DH thinks we should go to Australia over new year, fly out Boxing Day and be back in time for school/work (he's a teacher) starting back. He doesn't want to do Christmas in Australia as it won't feel Christmasy.
Now obviously I can't see the flights for next year yet but based on this years. If we flew out Boxing Day, the earliest we'd arrive is late on the 27th, but that's on a few routes, we'd fly back on the Sunday the 5th, land in the UK early Monday morning and school/work goes back Tuesday.
I think this sounds ridiculously exhausting, especially to do every other year.
I'd rather we go before Christmas as I love Australia and love visiting and want DD to get to go. DH insists Christmas in Australia just wouldn't be Christmas.

AIBU to say no as this sounds exhausting and unfair on DD. I say we either go before Christmas and spend more like 2 weeks there or we don't go!

I'd go before Xmas, it's worth sacrificing a little xmasy Ness. Sometimes it's mild here and not very Christmasy feeling anyway. Good luck x

Are you saying you'll go multiple times a year as well as at Christmas? We have relatives in Australia, they've been there 5 years and we haven't been yet!

Your DH is dreaming. You will just get through the jetlag to get on the plane again. And, exactly how much parenting would he be doing? Fractious bedtimes? Inconvenient wake up times? Meals when your dc is hungry? Keeping an eye in the little things like sunscreen, bathers dry ready for next time and hat to the ready, drinking properly? Or is he going to have his lovely time while you make it happen for him? After making his proper Christmas lovely for him, too?

You know what? I would be irritated by him, too.

He’s an idiot. I was up this morning for the dawn and opening the windows to the light, the morning air and all the birds waking up is Christmas heaven. Summer clothes and white wine in the sun.

But, then there is https://www.reddit.com/r/brisbane/comments/1h3knmk/brisbane_natives_i_need_your_tips_for_handling/.

That is nucking futs.

You've made a lot of assumptions.

I work freelance in TV. Often travelling throughout the country. My work I do regularly is either 11am-11pm or 2pm-1am. He does the vast majority of childcare in our family. He takes DD to nursery and picks her up, he does bath and bed 5-6 nights a week, he makes dinner.
For the most part he organises Christmas, he's went and bought her presents, he will make dinner if we have dinner at home.

Not sure why you assumed I'd do everything!

No way. Your husband is mad. But he’s not wrong about it not feeling Christmassy. I’ve had many in the southern hemisphere and I find it depressing, I can’t help it I just do. Yes family etc etc, but there’s nothing like a yummy roast, hot Christmas pud and being snuggled on the sofa in front of the tv.

No I mean over the years I'm sure we will go at Easter or summer at some point. I think we'd both like Christmas to be the regular trip he just wants after Christmas and I want before.

Any chance of meeting them half way, say in the Middle East or Singapore or something like that.

I wouldn't travel all that way in the depths of (our) Winter for a week. You'd be meeting yourself coming back ha ha!

Compromise somewhere. Either meet in the middle or go at Easter.

You could of course give DP a Santa outfit and an elf for the shelf, laugh at his childishness and insist on going the minute the schools break up here and stay for longer. No discussion.

Of course YANBU! I also hate hot Christmas and would never want to do another one so I do get your DH’s POV on that but then I wouldn’t insist on a 24ish hour flight with a preschooler so that I could have my cold Christmas.

YANBU - I loved visiting Australia but the jet lag and travel is killer and really does take the first couple of days to get over. I also did it before having a child, and that was tough enough. We went for three and a half weeks and being able to adjust to the time difference was needed.

Everyone’s different, I guess.

I didn’t bring up expense. And OP says the expense is being covered for them.

We have twins - we used to fly to Australia from uk every year, sometimes at Christmas, sometimes at Easter. To get most from the trip we would leave the afternoon / evening of the twins last day of school and then fly home to land at 6am the morning of their first day back at school. We’d feed them in the taxi on way back from airport, pop their uniform on at home when we dropped luggage and we would have them at school by 8.45am.

We did this successfully for a number of years until one year my hubby had left the passport with my uk visa in it at home and I had to email school to say they’d be late as I was being detained for a bit to prove my residency.

Twins never complained until they were about 8 said it was too tiring so we move to arriving back day before school started again.

Its really up to the person starting back at work how they think they’ll jet lag will be.

Why do you both want Christmas to be the regular trip if it doesn't work for you? Surely, it'd be easier to just find another time of year for the regular trip, rather than him being unhappy with Christmas in Oz or you all struggling with jetlag for your week trip.

JMO, but I don't see how anyone can have a close relationship with someone, if they only see them for 3 or 4 weeks every 2 to 3 years.

No way would it work for me, and it hasn't worked for many people I know. Doesn't sound like it's working for you really, if you are only seeing your close family members around 3 times in any given decade, for several weeks.

It’s not just your jet lag, it’s also dealing with a preschooler’s jet lag that’s the killer.

We frequently fly to Australia and this would be a hard no for me with a child that age.

That sounds absolutely awful.

How different we all are!

At 3 your daughter doesn’t know which day is really Christmas - have a faux Christmas in the uk just after school breaks up and another one in Oz.

This is what I was saying. ^ The idea of going for a week - especially with a toddler - is farcical.

School is closed over Easter. Usually two weeks in a state school, three or even four weeks at a private school.

I wouldn't want to travel that far for such a short trip personally. But went to NZ over easter this year and we ended up landing back in the UK around 11am on the Sunday and all went back to school/work on the Monday morning. That it went fine. We were tired from the journey but managed to last until 8pm for bed, had a decent night's sleep and were all okay on Monday, just needed an early night for the first few days until the jetlag settled. Personally I've never found the jet lag so bad coming back to the UK. So just that part of his plan might not be entirely insane. But the length of trip..... No thanks!

I was once offered a free all expenses paid trip to Melbourne accompanying a colleague to a conference. The catch was that it was for two days. He was a bit surprised when I said thanks, but no thanks.

I just googled to see what flights might cost. For two adults flying from London to Sydney, with a three-year-old on your laps for 21+ hours, you're looking at around £5k flying with a decent airline (Qantas, Air Malaysia, Emirates) from London and arriving under 24 hours after take off. I've flown on cheaper airlines and always regretted it. If you were hoping to fly from Manchester or Glasgow it'll be more. You're only there for 10 days, but I imagine you'll need to allow another £1k for airport parking, travel expenses, car hire, meals out and activities with your family and thank-you gifts for your hosts. So your husband is proposing burning through £6k and planning to go back to work with jet lag.

No an option I would choose — but then I'm not sure I'd have actually got together with someone who had such rigid ideas about Christmas (and presumably other things).

His parents would cover the cost, it's irrelevant to us and his parents are in a position where 6k is pennies!

Won't feel Christmasy? Oh come on, that's pathetic! I think it sounds a lovely thing to do but go for the whole of the holidays for goodness sake.