Saying absolutely no way to a short Australian trip

[CapaciousMug]

DHs sister moved to the Gold Coast in Australia several years ago, she and her husband have 3 kids, 4, 6 and 7. DD is our only child. She turned 3 in August and is nursery now.
This year, DHs family are coming here. We haven't decided where we will have dinner yet, as my parents are local too.
Next year DH thinks we should go to Australia over new year, fly out Boxing Day and be back in time for school/work (he's a teacher) starting back. He doesn't want to do Christmas in Australia as it won't feel Christmasy.
Now obviously I can't see the flights for next year yet but based on this years. If we flew out Boxing Day, the earliest we'd arrive is late on the 27th, but that's on a few routes, we'd fly back on the Sunday the 5th, land in the UK early Monday morning and school/work goes back Tuesday.
I think this sounds ridiculously exhausting, especially to do every other year.
I'd rather we go before Christmas as I love Australia and love visiting and want DD to get to go. DH insists Christmas in Australia just wouldn't be Christmas.

AIBU to say no as this sounds exhausting and unfair on DD. I say we either go before Christmas and spend more like 2 weeks there or we don't go!

I make this trip regularly and there’s no way I would go with small children for less than ten days.

Your husband is an idiot. Let him go on his own maybe if family finances allow for it? You and DD go on a holiday in term time maybe?

Alot of us move to the other side of the world because we meet someone from the other side of the world. You sound very aggressive about it. People's lives are tricky and don't follow a nice little pattern, nor is it always about 'fucking off' and nor does it have to signal the end of a relationship. That's a pretty odd view IMO. We chose to make our joint life in the UK because DH's mother had dementia and his father was struggling to cope. Those are the sorts of decisions people have to make.

FWIW my parents mostly visited us for the past 20 years. Because we made a conscious plan that while they were well enough to travel they would, then when they become frail (which is what they are now) we would do the travelling. So they used to visit us every year and we visit them every 2nd year (barring covid). Now I am visiting twice a year and my DH and Dcs visit once a year.

My relationships with my family in the UK and in Australia are important and I and we do our best with what we have, the time we have and the money we have.

Absolutely not for a week. Too long travelling and too expensive flights for that. Two weeks minimum.

As an aside, if this is to be every other year, are you actually happy to be using that much of your annual leave and family budget on a repeat trip?

For most people it will signal the end of the relationship when someone moves that far away, even if you're related.

Sorry but this is wrong. I live in Australia and visit Spain every 2-3 years because my oldest son lives there. Living in Australia doesn't mean the end of relationships, it means spending more money on flights and lengthier holidays. When I go back to Spain, I stay at least 3-4 weeks before returning.

What's nuts is coming to Australia from Europe/UK with a small child for a week holiday.

Well if he refuses to accept Christmas in the UK, what’s to discuss? Either you go on Boxing Day and motor through (not my idea of fun, at that time of year it’s what you do out of necessity rather than out of choice), or you don’t. Seeing as you’ll certainly go at other times of year anyway, I don’t see the point of putting yourselves through it at Christmas.

Returning from that kind of trip into the depths of January weather, straight into school and nursery settings and wherever you work, sounds like a recipe for colds, coughs, lower immune system, exhaustion. It’s not the “quick getaway in the sun to sustain you through winter” it seems. Add on inevitable travel delays, especially if you have a stopover, I think it’s hare-brained.

His parents are covering flights, we will stay with his family and I'm self-employed so it's not really going to impact us financially.

This. It's such a bizarre thing to say.

We can't even manage the trip to DP's family because of the Hell that is trying to catch the last train to Penzance after school finishes and never being sure if we're going to be able to actually get back for work due to weather, strikes, overrunning track works and how I can't move after a 4 hour journey turns into 9 with walking miles between unexpectedly closed stations, never mind pissing around between hemispheres and multiple countries instead of stations.

Fuck that.

How many times have you taken a 3 year old to Australia for a week??

I can sort of agree with him in that Christmas somewhere hot wouldn’t feel the same to me, but I really don’t think a shorter trip to Australia is the answer. It either needs to be a longer trip over Christmas and accepting that Christmas looks different those years OR not going

He's being silly, I've spent quite a few Christmasses in Oz (including 3 as a child) and yes it's different but the novelty of it is exciting, and it never damaged me as a child . We would go the day school finished and return NYD or the second.

Also not sure why there's so much angst about you deciding to go in the first place, if you are happy to go there for visits then that's all that matters! I have family and friends there and it's great that we have a) a reason to visit somewhere we might not otherwise go and b) get free accommodation! It's a shame people would end family relationships based on geography as if that's all it's worth having family for.

The 3 year old will be absolutely fine. It’s the parents that won’t adjust. No way could I be arsed to just go a week

I’m assuming you live in the uk, not the North Pole. I’m not sure how Christmassy it is by you, but the drizzle in Leeds isn’t quite Christmas card picture worthy 😂

Hell no, not for a week. I flew out to NZ with my two when they were 3 and 6 - although they were good on the flights, with an evening flight, 24 hour journey time plus 4 hours transfer in Singapore I had no sleep for 48 hours. Took me a good week to recover from the travel. Kids were okay but still prone to waking at 2/3am for the first 5 days. We went for 5 weeks (first and only trip out there with both of them), no way would I have done that journey for a week. He needs to suck up a hot Christmas once every now and then. Christmas on the beach isn’t so bad…

Can’t u go as soon as he breaks up, it’s a longer time there, and he’s going to have to do Xmas day there (for 1 year such a sacrifice, not)? Tell him it’s this or nothing, as too exhausting rushing to go on Boxing Day. I bet u will spend half of Xmas day doing last min prep for the trip then anyway, therefore missing out on the ‘Christmassy’ bit. You might as well get all the prep and travel out of the way and enjoy a stress free Xmas day in Oz on the beach 🏖️

Flew to Australia with a 6 month old - the jet lag is awful!! Lost the first day there sleeping and when I got back I was wiped out for a week - like falling asleep mid afternoon. I was on mat leave, no way could I have been at work normal hours.

Surely a flight on boxing day will ruin Christmas anyway? How can you have lovely relaxed family day whilst thinking about packing, cleaning, making sure the fridges doesn't have food left in it etc?
And you dc will get all the fun presents and then have to leave them behind for 2 weeks
More importantly, where would you stay and what do they want? You can't just decide to invite yourself when it suits you!

That wasn’t the question. Regardless, I have 6yr old twins – I know exhaustion very intimately. I have also been to Australia for a week and went back to work the day after returning.

I feel absolutely sick with tiredness for two days every time I fly to Australia. Severe jetlag.

I was going to ask if he had ever been to Australia before but from your update he clearly has, which makes his plan even more baffling. I am with you, you should go before Christmas if you're going at all. But I wouldn't be committing to doing the trip every other year. Maybe once every 3/4 years. And I love Australia and have spent several Christmases there.

I would always travel rather than not travel, so I've done my share of trips that other people would find a bit off, but I'm not 3! And the 'it won't feel like Christmas' thing actually gives me the ick coming from a grown man.

It won't feel like 'your' Christmas but it still feels like Christmas for millions of other people. Stupid reason.

So have I, and it works but I wouldn’t do it again. Plus it’s expensive to go over NY so worth staying longer if possible.

DH is a teacher, he can't get time off school.

It seems daft to assume it won't feel like a proper Christmas before he's tried it, especially when it involves seeing family you won t otherwise see, including DD's cousins.

See if you can get him to do a longer holiday this time, to try it out, and if he really can't bear to do an Australian Christmas next time having given it a good go, you can either stay home or do the shorter trip in future years. At least DD will be older by then.

For most people it will signal the end of the relationship when someone moves that far away, even if you're related.

You do know that people find their love and have to pick which country to live in? It’s absolutely heartbreaking to have your parents that far away, and for them to have their child on the other side of the world. You miss out on grandchildren and most other things. My DH recently had to say goodbye to his dad on FaceTime, because there was no way he would get there in time.