To think it's impossible to do it all.

[Outandabout43]

Work full time
Keep a tidy house
All the washing
Help with homework
Cook fresh healthy food
Attend school events.
Take to clubs
Play woth children
Food shop
Sort Christmas/ birthdays
Life admin

And then you get told its important to have you time. When???? When am I supposed to have me time??

I love my children and DH pulls his weight too. I also know as the children grow, it will get easier, but seriously, how are we supposed to do it all??

I 💯 hear you!

What a thread to wake up to... Only yesterday was I saying this. Also the prepare healthy meals thing - that's really important to me too.
Went to bed last feeling very heavy headed thinking "and it's not even December yet".

Solidarity from another busy mum of two amazing children!

i think most people do most but not all of it Most people I know work (mainly full time) and run the household. I mean not washing clothes etc isn't really an option. I do take short cuts with cooking. It's not all super healthy and from scratch and I don't attend school events such as nativity play. clubs only on the weekend as anything else during the week is too much and I don't sweat too much over home work. I don't have me time. no hobbies, no friends, nothing but I have reframed it as freedom. I don't have to keep up. Both DC have complex needs so it's probably a bit different anyways.

It is really tough. Can you afford to outsource some of it? We both work full time with three children and both equally share children, house and life admin but it's still tough. We have a cleaner who is a godsend and we do an online food shop. Christmas has mainly been one big Amazon order with one day shopping on our own whilst MIL had the kids. I try and do the washing in the evenings so the weekend is kept free of chores.

You don't have to do it all, all of the time.
Prioritise the stuff that's important to you, be flexible, be in the moment and don't hold yourself to ridiculously high standards.

Outsource what you can - get food shop delivered and get a cleaner if can afford

You can't so don't even try. The house is reasonably clean and tidy but it'll never be pristine. We all have enough clean clothes but there's always some in the laundry basket. I do the best I can with healthy meals but accept we're sometimes going to eat freezer tapas.

When my kids were little I made sure to spend some proper time with them but I also made good use of their third parent - the TV.

Yup the expectation and pressure to ‘do it all’ is unhealthy and unrealistic - something has got to give! Whether that’s using occasional jarred sauces and ready meals (god forbid, according to MN), working part time, outsourcing what you can (e,g cleaning) and a general lowering of expectations!

I outsource as much as humanly possible - I used to try and do it all 'authentically' and burnt out quickly so now it's lots of cash, and lots of slipped standards that gets me through.

If I were not in a financial position to do so, I think I'd be on the brink of a breakdown.

You can do it all, but you can't do it all well. I work in a demanding full time role, DH works, house to renovate, dog to walk, child to look after. Child eats different meals, we get Gousto, food shop delivered, cleaner once a week. Exercise has gone to shit, I'm always double booking the social events I do have. I'm just about clinging on by my fingers!

And yes, Jeff Bezos is the devil incarnate but Amazon is supplying 95% of Christmas gifts this year.

I finally feel like I have the balance now but it's largely due to my children's ages and the fact I work very flexibly. It's the school run for my primary child I find the most limiting tbh, but that stops next year. They are 14 and 11.

Work full time - WFH, flexible role, own my diary

Keep a tidy house - DH and kids do their part, cleaner

All the washing - DH's job
Help with homework - eldest doesn't really need help now, and is a maths whizz so helps youngest. Potentially looking at a tutor for youngest, but his homework is quite hands off.

Cook fresh healthy food - UPF (and reducing it) has been my obsession this year, I'd struggle to manage this without WFH I often put a loaf of bread on during a break, that kind of thing, no commute makes it easier to cook from scratch each evening. DH cleans up and makes lunches (DS does lunches too)

Attend school events. - see point one about job flexibility

Take to clubs - we car pool

Play woth children - ages means ours don't "play" much now but we do board game nights, have more shared interests like films, go to the gym together. So this gets easier.

Food shop - I do this first thing Wednesday morning (work flex so would just work the time back)

Sort Christmas/ birthdays - spreadsheet, I start in October, similar to above I chunk it up and often do some admin first thing before I sign in to work.

Life admin - as above, and split with DH

Me time, I play a sport twice a week and go to a couple exercise classes M-Th usually after I've made dinner. Kids are up later now. And tbh weekends are pretty chilled, hence me lying in bed MN-ing right now!

I'm hoping this shows some things get easier, but appreciate it's harder when working out the house, I am looking at doing so again when youngest starts high school though.

(Food shop is online by the way!)

You can’t do it all perfectly all the time imo. Something is always on the back burner and it’s a case of working out what has to be a priority at any particular time.

And my job is a well paid senior role, just very flexible, I get the job done, when and how is up to me.

Just prioritise, for heaven’s sake. You mention having a husband. Two people should be able to do this easily.

🙄🙄🙄🙄 “Just prioritise”. From someone who’s got it all figured out I imagine. It can be done, but for the majority it’s far from bloody easy.

I think you can do it all but not all of the time. More importantly, I don’t think it’s necessary all of the time.

As long as everyone has clean clothes to wear why does it matter if the laundry basket is never completely empty or even over flowing?

We aim for one parent at each school event, there’s just too much for us both to commit to everything. Exception being Christmas stuff and sports day where we both try (I missed sports day last year though, not the end of the world).

My house is clean but not tidy.

Not ideal but literally all Christmas shopping is done online.

I'm a single parent and it's a struggle. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown half the time. I do have a cleaner and I WFH a majority of the time.

My job is fairly flexible so I can attend the school stuff, I pay for childcare and my family help with drop off pick ups when needed. I honestly feel like I do a terrible job of everything most of the time but I'm trying my best and don't hold myself to ridiculously high standards.

I work 4 days (though heavy hours at times) and have a cleaner. Makes it a lot easier.

@UnrelatedTo I have discovered during my long career and at Home that any request that starts with “just” is very rarely just anything.

I think it is a clear case of when all else fails lower you standards. I am through the baby/early years and they are relentless and really hard but I know it is easy for me to say this from this vantage point but they fly by.

You either do some of it well or all of it badly. You also delegate where possible.

I think it’s possible. We think we ‘do it all’, but maybe our standards are different to yours. We have a cleaner one a week and apart from the occasional robo vacuum, we don’t clean anything else during the week (apart from a kitchen wipe down).

Food shop takes 10mins to do online. Birthdays/christmas we keep a running list on shared notes on our phones so ordering takes 10mins online when required.

I don’t think we have a lot of life admin, dentists are booked at the end of each visit. Doctors as and when online (often an easy video call), utilities/bills/mortgage aren’t frequent and compared online in no time.

We have a good selection of quick easy fresh meals to cook, one cooks whilst the other does homework.

As we have a cleaner we have nothing admin/house to do at the weekend and spend the whole time out doing things. Washing takes 5mins to load in the morning /overnight, then 10mins to hang out to dry either morning/when we get home/lunchtime if wfh.

We both see friends a couple of times a week (during the week so doesn’t disturb family time as children are in bed).

I feel we have balance, I wouldn’t change anything and I don’t feel stressed or that I’m missing out on anything. We both work full time (40hrs a week). Our employers are decent and don’t mind time off for school events etc. We both have project rather than time based jobs so relatively flexible. In my mind, with my expectations, I think we do it all and are really happy.

You're not wrong
It's hard to have a family in the UK hence the increase in child free women and declining birthrate.

Had to do this all on my own. Ex was useless. Surprised I didn’t burn out. Spread it out with your husband.