To not buy Christmas presents for DC

[mostlylovinglife]

Paid for school trips costing over £3000 for my DC next year, both aged 14 & 16. They asked for these instead of Christmas/birthday presents. I will get them their usual PJs and a selection box instead of a stocking which usually costs me £50 plus each, but can't help feeling really mean and worried they'll be devastated Christmas morning when they don't have a pile of presents to open.

I want to get them a charm each for their bracelets as something to open, but AIBU not to buy more?

Rather than PJs, unless they really need or want them, I would do a cheapish stocking and a couple of small under the tree presents related to where they are going on their school trips - maybe some of the kit you will need to buy anyway - hiking socks, mosquito spray etc.

I've found some lovely presents for £10 or under that will look lovely on Christmas Day - like the Monty Bojangles cat shaped tins of chocolates, some beautifully presented solid shampoo and conditioner bars on Amazon that come in a little bamboo rice steamer storage jar (about £7), so not exactly tat as they will get used. And Primark is good for super soft socks and ultra cheap but brilliant quality PJs.

Please don't do this.

Dear lord – it’s the first of December. Quick, ring a bell. No one is allowed to post about expensive items bought above the sum of … whatever you arbitrarily decide that sum should be.

The subject is big ticket presents that replace other gift buying, whether it be £14k second hand cars £3k or ski trips.

Once again, that poster was making clear the price of the car replaced MULTIPLE years of gifts.

Not so expensive but my daughter did several trips in school as they were relevent to her now career (sports' teacher). Knowing that it would be difficult for her to actually find herself without gifts and Christmas and birthday (quite close to Christmas) I bought her things relevant for the trip. eg for a ski trip I bought her a set of lessons at the local snow dome for her birthday, so she could see if she really liked it and not waste the actual trip in the ski school (got my DM to pay for some of the lessons) and bought her all the clothing needed for Christmas.
However she did save up for her spending money and did offer to contribute to the trip. Also her trips were relevant to her now career - sports teacher so I saw them as an investment!

This

I think that’s absolutely fine, especially as they asked for the trios instead of presents. If you wanted to give them a bit more on the day, could you scale down on the cost of the pjs and selection box (£50 seems a lot for this?) and use that £50 for cheaper pjs and a couple of other bits, so they have some things to open on the day? Even just nice toiletries?

Insurance is part and parcel with a car. No presents obviously means all the other kinds of gifts – trainers, gadgets, console games, etc etc.

@Enko the rubix cube was from Primark.
I actually got Kuromi but I think they had Hello Kitty too.
There's a whole range of Hello Kitty/Sanrio stuff 🙂

My 18 year old isn't getting much for Xmas- I wrote off some of his debt to me instead! Just a few bits to open. They should be able to understand the concept of money as they get older.

Do they get gifts to open from other people - grandparents or whatever? If they do, I'd keep it minimal, with a (cheap, consumable) stocking and a book and chocolates under the tree. If they don't, I'd want them to have a few things to open, so would find a bit more on Vinted or charity shops, including some things that I might otherwise have just bought as a general family things (eg a Christmas jigsaw for one DC, a new card game for the other).

DD is going on an overseas trip in Feb not as pricey as yours though. As it's only ever the two of us that travel together we normally use our big family sized suitcase so I've bought her, her own smaller suitcase, packing cubes, travel toiletries, some clothes bits she'll need over there, neck pillow, Euros, etc will wrap it all up individually within the suitcase.

She knows the trip is part of her Christmas present and it's stuff I would have bought anyway so seems daft not to wrap it up as a Christmas gift.

Other cheaper gifts, I'm making her a bundle of ramen and nice ramen bowl spoon chopsticks set.
Another bundle of flavoured Nescafé coffees and a nice travel cup.

yeah but insurance needs to be paid annually, not just a one off when buying the car,it's thousands every year. Ok so it's not a wrappable gift, but having it paid for him is still a gift.

going on school trips isn't a wrappable gift either, but most are saying at 14/16 it's a gift that they chose over wrappable gifts.

I think it's fine as many others have said. You could always do the something they want (this is the trip), something they need, something to wear and something to read for the stocking so they have something to unwrap.
Mine are 10 and 13 and we're paying towards some big trips for them (skiing 2025 but also some weekends away with scouts) and so I've got them some books and pyjamas from Vinted, will get them a chocolate orange or hot chocolate bombs, and tbh... they don't really want anything else (I have asked, repeatedly... 10 year old asked for a tub of Horlicks !).
I think the atmosphere and unwrapping something is plenty, especially given the trips

I'm so over having more stuff in the house!! I'm loathing the idea of presents but I have a 5yo and 10yo so I'll have to get them a couple of bits but certainly not going overboard this year.

@redwinechocolateandsnacks

nah, I think most of us would be very grateful

Please don’t panic buy tat - I’d have absolutely loved to have gone on the school ski trip in lieu of the absolute rubbish my DM used to give me. Stick to the stockings, maybe with a printed picture of their destination or activity in them or €10/$10/small denomination of whatever currency it is for a “little treat” when they’re there?

Hence why the son continues not to get any wrappable gifts.

I completely agree with you. What I would do is say you got your trip costing x. The budget for the season is y. What do you want from that. They may choose something over pjs etc.

I have been reminding them but I think they think I'm joking!

Then you need to sit them both down (together) and tell them again, in a way that mkaes it very clear that you are NOT joking.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. They made a choice which suited them at the time because it got you to agree to something they wanted. But they're expecting that you won't hold them to that, because it would suit them now to have a pile of presents to open on Christmas morning.

Assuming they'll have presents from other people they're not exactly deprived. You'll get them some smaller presents so they won't be getting nothing, but any biggger ticket items (if that's what they're expecting) won't be happening.

Also against the grain. I’d be making it as much of a normal Christmas as possible.

Perfectly reasonable.

I’d forget the PJs OP and spend the £20 ish each on a little stocking full of cheap stocking fillers like face masks, chocolate coins, socks etc and then if there’s anything at all you’d be buying them for the trip anyway - buy those.

Um I'm confused. YOU said he wasn't getting any gifts. I pointed out he was, just not wrappable ones.

what kind of insane bat logic is this?
"If you can afford the school trip, you can afford a few nice gifts."
"If you can afford a few nice gifts you can afford a few more nice gifts."
"If you can afford a second hand bike you can afford a brand new e-bike"
"If you can afford a coat from primark, you can afford one from Gucci."
"If you can afford to buy christmas dinner from Asda you can afford to buy it from Waitrose."
"If you can afford to borrow £300,000 for a mortgage then you can afford to borrow £400,000."

Essentially you're saying to OP. "If you can afford £3000 you can afford £3500".. Which...is not how money works. There is always a cut off. In OP's case it is £3000 money to be spent on non essentials per child, not £4000, not £3100. That's it, she can't magic the extra money out of a tree.

Perhaps she should try the same with her boss? "If you can afford to pay me £40k then you can afford to pay me £50k." Problem solved!

Or does magic money multiplying only work going out?

We’re arguing semantics now. Very tiresome. I stand by my point that the son is not getting any usual birthday or Christmas gifts due to his car expenses, and that the poster should feel able to post the cost of the car without being told she is ‘bragging’.