To not buy Christmas presents for DC

[mostlylovinglife]

Paid for school trips costing over £3000 for my DC next year, both aged 14 & 16. They asked for these instead of Christmas/birthday presents. I will get them their usual PJs and a selection box instead of a stocking which usually costs me £50 plus each, but can't help feeling really mean and worried they'll be devastated Christmas morning when they don't have a pile of presents to open.

I want to get them a charm each for their bracelets as something to open, but AIBU not to buy more?

If you can afford it now - maybe just little things you will have to sort for their trips anyway? Small toiletries or little refillable bottles, if they will need special clothing ( coat/raingear/shoes/swimwear) for their trip I would be wrapping that up and under the tree. Maybe a book or small amount of cash for spending money if affordable?

This is a great idea actually! Like those massive tubes of Pringles etc. all consumables which won't get wasted! Thank you

I agree, not sure what they’re getting at.

Loved my tamagotchi!

Someone who has more than £14k in the bank and wants their child to have a car they know the history of.

And I’m not ashamed, of not being hard up, the OP can afford to spend £3k on a school trip so I assume she is also comfortable and wanted advice from other people in a similar position.

People spend £10k on holidays which I wouldn’t do.

Super learning point "They asked for these instead of Christmas/birthday presents".

I think a lovely stocking of largely inexpensive things would be nice to open - and multiple things. Or something useful for the trips to tie it in.

But the trip is what they asked for and you have delivered. I think if you then go ahead and buy Christmas presents anyway as normal it sets them up to expect more or get a bit spoilt.

My son has asked for something quite expensive for Christmas and has a birthday in Jan, so I said fine, but it will cover both and I know he will be fine with that.

You an find cheap stocking fillers in charity shops. I nearly always get unread books from them

What is the threshold for purchases needing to be secret? More than 10k and don’t tell anyone? Or 5k perhaps? Who makes the rules on this?

🙄

She can tell whoever she wants. Bet her friends and family love the stealth bragging.

You could have just said you bought him a car, not sure why we needed the figures. £3000 on a trip for two children is a lot different.

Teaching them that they get excessive amounts of ‘stuff’ just because their friends do, and after they’ve already had multiple thousands of pounds spent on them, is a really poor message for them.

What are you teaching them to value here?

Similar happened to me at that age and I remember mum and dad put the presents under the tree a few days before Christmas so we could see exactly how much we had. No disappointment on Christmas morning as we knew exactly what would be there.

Totally depends on if you have younger children too though - it would only work with the older ones but takes the excitement out of it for younger ones!

Get them some little bit for the trips like travel adapters, small toiletries, guide book. There’s load of cheap other stuff to get them to unwrap.

They're old enough to understand and have agreed to the deal so I would just be doing them a small stocking so they have something to open. What you're planning sounds perfect

Same here, birthdays are Jan/Feb so these trips will be for Christmas/birthdays.

I don't want to set a precedent of going back on my word, and now they're older and know I'm Father Christmas they have to realise that money does not grow on trees!

Are you envious of the figure or something? Why can’t she give the figure?

She’s clearly giving the figure to justify why her son has not had gifts for multiple years instead of just the year he got the car.

I’d never agree to buy a trip for Christmas as fir me, Christmas is about giving and receiving and unwrapping presents.
if I could (and I can) afford a 3k trip And presents, then I’m make them do jobs or something fir the trip. My dd14 did all the ironing over the summer holidays for a new iPad. It was bliss!

This is a good idea - things you're buying them anyway.
FWIW, i spend less on my kids presents than you do on their stocking 😂

No younger siblings so all good there.

If they will need certain things for the school trips, buy them instead plus anything kind of useful that they actually need anyway. I would fill my kids stockings with a toothbrush, deodorant, hair accessories, moisturiser (Aldi not posh), socks, multi pack knickers etc.

Perhaps contact the school and see if there's a kit list!

Thank you! I will report back if they agreed!

Apparently in the minority with this but YABVU in my opinion.

All the carping on here about "other people can't afford X" is background noise and needs to be filtered out OP, as you've said their peers at likely getting the trip plus a normal Xmas - unfair that they won't.

I’m not envious of the figure I just think it’s tone deaf to brag like that when there are people who can’t afford Christmas and may be reading this!

Yes great idea, I think I will do this and include heat protectant, micellar water deodorant etc and a chocolate orange and coins at the bottom!

It cost £50 plus each as I always bought a gift from Father Christmas, which was something small like jewellery.

Stockings were always from Father Christmas and other presents from family. I learned very quickly that giving Father Christmas the credit for all meant DC expected to have anything they wanted as he was magic! No ponies or baby brothers under the tree in this house!

Aargh exactly this is what I'm worried about!

They'll be on the phone to their friends all sharing their hauls but mine will be sharing their haul of consumables, toiletries, PJs, socks, underwear, charm and a lovely Christmas dinner