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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have mega mum guilt

138 replies

Crouchingdragonhiddentiger · 30/11/2024 22:58

…over not doing elf on the shelf?!

I’ve seen so many Facebook and instagram posts tonight of this huge set ups - balloons, sweets, gifts and the elves, all making this huge thing on 1st December.

I’ve bought my 6 year old DS an advent calendar from Aldi and that’s it! I feel so tight now.

We are going round to a friends house tomorrow, who does it for her son, I have no idea what to say if mine starts asking why we don’t - because most parents seem to say “the elves won’t come if you’ve been naughty” I don’t want him to think he has been or doesn’t deserve it in some way.

OP posts:
GreySweater · 01/12/2024 07:44

I had a wobble and almost thought about doing Elf a few years ago when my friend and her son (same age as mine) stayed. My friend had to set Elf up at our house FGS! Anyway I decided against it and honestly my kids never asked any questions and really seemed completely unbothered about the fact Elf didn't show at our house other than that one time! I'm super happy I resisted and never added another thing to have to do everyday in the run up to Xmas (and once you have done it one year, I guess you need to keep it up again and again!).

tuvamoodyson · 01/12/2024 07:46

I think if I felt such terrible guilt over a plastic toy, so much so, you had to put a thread on MN about it, I’d splash out and pick one up in Poundland and just put it on the mantelpiece or something, I don’t think it’s compulsory to ‘make’ it do tricks etc. I do think ‘mega mum guilt’ is somewhat OTT though. Do it or don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️

VestaTilley · 01/12/2024 07:46

Don’t be - we don’t do Elf on the Shelf - it’s a new thing, not a British tradition. Growing up we had a paper advent calendar then moved on to a chocolate one.

I made a fabric one for DS a few years ago - it was only reading your thread that reminded me to get it out! Just put it out, 2 chocolate coins in a pocket for today- sorted, and I’ll see if we have an old card one with nice pictures that I can get out for today as well.

Your DC are happy with what is normal to them - they don’t feel like they’re hugely missing out provided you mark birthdays and Christmas in the normal, loving way.

HighlandCowbag · 01/12/2024 07:47

Told my DS I was allergic to elves, so we don't have one. He asked 'like you are with cats?' And that was the end of it.

Load of bloody bollocks.

JMSA · 01/12/2024 07:48

I used to do it the odd time, not all the time. Kids loved it and their excitement was well worth it.
Mumsnetters hate it though. I guess we all react strongly to things we disagree with, as a way to justify our choices. Otherwise it wouldn't bother them one way or the other!

JMSA · 01/12/2024 07:49

Oh, and I never once put it on social media. I don't have it, for a start.

Rooroobear · 01/12/2024 07:50

I do elf on the shelf and put the advent calendars out with him on the 1st. That’s it. I think it’s gone way ott with the elf.
did you get your child an advent calendar? Yes you did. You’ve already made him happy. X

Wonderwall23 · 01/12/2024 07:51

DS has an advent calendar and that's it. Might put the tree up later.

We've never done elf on the shelf. I know a few people who do it and that's fine as their choice but more people don't than do. DS hasn't questioned.

Are these the houses of people you know...or is it an algorithm i.e. you've looked at one and now they are filling your feed. Social media has a lot to answer for.

We aren't super rich but are lucky enough to be able to afford these things if we wanted...we just don't. Easy for me to say but it doesn't feel tight at all to me...please don't feel that way.

pinksheetss · 01/12/2024 07:54

Completely acceptable not to do it but equally just acceptable for those who want to also. Whether it's being simple or OTT. People find enjoyment in different things, are trying to create a spark of magic

Yes some are over compensating, but it's at the bottom of a long list of things that people shouldn't really do so no need to put much thought to it really

whatcanthematterbe81 · 01/12/2024 07:58

Fuck that! As if parenting isn't hard enough without beating yourself up over pissing around with an elf every night in December

Yousay55 · 01/12/2024 08:00

I started elf on the shelf years ago. My now 13 years dd still asks if he’s coming as she loves it. You’ve made the right choice, trust me!

NerrSnerr · 01/12/2024 08:01

If you do want to do it then go ahead, if not, that's also fine.

We have them and there's no surveillance- the children do really know it's us doing it. They just move around, sometimes do something silly, sometimes they bring a treat (that we would have got them anyway). Also, shockingly we don't put it on SM.

Just do what you want to do and remember that if people feel the need to be snarky about other people's choices it's probably due to their own insecurities.

Biminibon · 01/12/2024 08:11

years ago I saw some genius on here say that she told her children it’s like jury duty - every year Santa picks houses at random to do it, and he’s just never sent us a elf on the shelf citation/summons.

Tia86 · 01/12/2024 08:13

We have never done it either. My kids have asked but it is a no. They know it is grown ups that move it anyway and I have enough on my plate without dealing with that nonsense every day!

mogtheexcellent · 01/12/2024 08:14

Actually the elves only come if you have been naughty. Its the last chance to get on the nice list.

I never did it and DD did not care in the slightest.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2024 08:19

namefornow88 · 01/12/2024 07:36

Don't feel guilty about it all but also please don't tell your 6yo that the parents do it as he's likely to tell his friends. Just because you don't want to get involved in something or don't agree with the consumerism or whatever doesn't give you the right to ruin another child's Christmas magic. Some posters on this thread could do with some Christmas spirit if they think it's ok to take away a child's belief in something magical

This world is so depressing and children grow up so fast nowadays I don't think we should be so critical of parents who want to make the most of those few magical years

I agree with much of this. We don’t do the elf but, as I posted above, much of my reason for that is that I think it’s actually a step too far in “ giving the whole game away.”

Like this poster says, a bit of Christmas magic is one of the joys of childhood so it’s mean to give it away for others.

I just feel like if we had the elf, it would be all the more likely our Dc would see through it all because to me the elf is … well … a bit obvious. It looks remarkably fake, is sold en masse in shops and it doesn’t take much to work out how it gets moved moves about. I mean it’s bad enough trying to divert them from wondering how the reindeer fly, or how FC gets everywhere in one night. But at least they have a certain mysterious absence so their authenticity cannot be inspected at close quarters and result in a ( to children) otherwise inexplicable pile of gifts. I’m sure if we had a fleet of inanimate plastic reindeer on our lawn after the deed had been done it might not have washed!
BUT I guess different things go down differently in different families and telling the children is just mean.

onwardandupwards · 01/12/2024 08:20

Didimum · 30/11/2024 23:02

Never done it. Never will.

This!

yipyipyop · 01/12/2024 08:23

Too much of that stuff in excess at the moment. December boxes, Christmas Eve boxes, elf on the shelf, Christmas pjs and bed covers. I'm not an eco warrior but it's just so wasteful and bad for the environment. Like you I've just bought my ds an advent calendar and today we'll decorate the tree.

Sasannach · 01/12/2024 08:24

My kid is 10 and we've never done elf on the shelf but just the other day he asked why we never do it and said he's jealous that all his friends have a naughty elf that does hilarious things all the time 🙄. He can continue to be jealous because I don't have time or energy for that shite.

Winesoup · 01/12/2024 08:26

The only person i know who does it is a wanna-be Mummy Influencer - it's all for the views, not for the kids at all.

I don't know how she keeps it going for a whole month to be honest, i can only imagine the stress and rows with her DH as they get the ladder out for yet another hilarious set up.

OP, you're not being a bad parent if you don't do it.

SD1978 · 01/12/2024 08:27

I don't feel guilty about elf on the shelf, 1st of December boxes, Christmas Eve boxes, or anything else that been invented by social media in recent years to try to guilt parents. Do em if you want but feeling you have to just proves the marketing works.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 01/12/2024 08:30

Nothing wrong with a little chocolate each day in the run up to Christmas!
My DC always loved the fact that they could have it before breakfast!

Honestly, everything else is a waste of time & money! So glad DC were teens when all this madness started.

Didimum · 01/12/2024 08:33

Bournetilly · 01/12/2024 00:13

I don’t understand why people are so against it. Most children would love elf of the shelf and I think a lot of people do it now, I wouldn’t want my child to be the only one without one, especially when they will all be talking about it at school. They get so excited over it.

They don’t need to be naughty just move them around and play hide n seek.

It’s not too late to get one, have it write a letter saying sorry it’s late…

Because Christmas has become an endless list of things to do, buy, sort and remember. Most of which falls to mothers. It’s so sad how many mothers dread Christmas now and feel stressed and under appreciated – Elf on a Shelf absolutely contributes to that.

Bectoria2006 · 01/12/2024 08:42

I told my kids that the elf didn’t come to our house because they’d been good all year round! They are 15 and 17 now and think it’s hilarious and are not in the slightest bit bothered.

Don't be guilted into doing anything just because other people do.

Missmarymack2 · 01/12/2024 08:43

No way will I ever be doing Elf on the shelf. What a moneymaking racket whoever came up with it is raking it in I’m sure. The concept annoys me anyway. I wouldn’t feel one bit guilty not doing it. Advent calendar is perfect.