Abortion , need some advice please :(

[PinkExpert]

Hi

this is my first time positing on here, ive been reading threads for a few weeks now on other peoples stories and rattling my brain what is the best thing for me.

I got pregnant unexpectedly , by my long distance boyfriend of 1.5 years. The distance between us is about 1.5-2 hours driving. He has never met my family, and I have only ever met his brother a few times. I’m unsure to why we’ve never actually met family in the time we’ve been together, probably because we only really see each other one night at a time over the weekend, maybe 2 if we’re lucky. And sometimes this can be 2 times a month (due to our work patterns) I still live at home with my family (some of them don’t even know about my boyfriend) and he hasn’t really got a safe place to live in either, he’s just got kicked out of his brothers place.

When I told him I was pregnant we was both shocked , and couldn’t believe it. He drove up to see me the day later and I felt instantly safe. It’s been a few weeks since then and I’m having constant panic attacks worrying about my future. I know all these things are fixable ; finding a house and stuff. But with me being pregnant I’m constantly worrying what’s gonna happen where , when will I next see my boyfriend? I want to be stable first before having a baby not living 2 hours from him, seeing him few times a week.

He doesn’t want me to have an abortion and he has said some nasty stuff to me about thinking about it, the only reason stopping me from taking the abortion pills is him because I’m worried what he’s gonna say to me during it (make me feel worse) or how he’s gonna feel? He ended our relationship 5 days ago but came back 3 days later? But I’m so worried if I take this pill he will leave me again? The midwife’s told me I can’t let his feelings override mine but I can’t face to lose him.

I just wish I was in a better place to have a baby; not living at home, the distance between us , atleast one of us had somewhere to live and I was more prepared.

I’ve leaned my lesson from not using contraception and I’m looking at going on some contraception after this , I want every form of it !!

I just need someone to speak to :( xx

What do you want?

I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like a good lasting relationship. I think you should put to one side what your boyfriend wants and work out what you want. Long term it'll be you living with the consequences, very likely as a single person with or without a child.

He thinks he has the right to decide what you do with your body, emotionally manipulate you to get his own way, say nasty thing to you, and leave you whenever it suits him.

…is this really who you want to be with for the rest you life ?

You can and should deliberately dump someone who says nasty things to you and doesn't seem to have a lot else going for him. He doesn't sound brilliant, in fact he sounds emotionally immature and abusive.

Your midwife is absolutely right. This is about what YOU want to do. If you don't feel ready to be a lone parent, then don't do it.

He dumped you when you told him you were pregnant. That isn't the behaviour of a responsible man. Do you want to be tied to him for 18 years+? I rarely recommend lying, but maybe take that pill, tell him you lost the baby (the details are not his business), and move on with your life.

How old are you both?

I’m 31 he’s 38. Yes we’re older I’m ashamed to even admit 😔

Hello.
You must make this decision yourself.
It doesn't matter what he wants. He sounds unpleasant and unsupportive.

If you'd like to have an abortion, go ahead with it. And then finish with him and block him.

You'll always resent him after this, no matter what choice you ultimately make.

Have you told your family? Would they support you if you decided to keep the baby?

If he’s holding this over you now ( have an abortion and I’ll leave you) then he’s not the person you thought he was.
The right response is to support your choice.

You must do what's right for you, not what's right for someone who may not even be in your life in 6 months time.

Why doesn't a 38 year old man have anywhere to live? Why did he get kicked out of his brother's home?

This isn’t a relationship. You see him twice a month, you’ve never lived with him, you don’t really know him. This is friends with benefits at best.

Don’t have a baby with this man.

This pretty much sums it up really.
You see him a couple of times a month for sex, he's currently homeless at 38.....not really father of the year material.
It's entirely up to you if you want to go ahead with the pregnancy but you need to do it with your eyes open with regards to this man.

You've said "I want to be stable first before having a baby", so it does sound as though now isn't the right time; to be honest, I'm not sure that it is with the right person, either.

Were you able to speak comfortably to your GP?

How many weeks are you?

Have you ever been to his house? If not, does he have a wife and kids living in it?

Doesn't sound like the best circumstances to bring a baby up in to be honest..

I’ve been to his flat once and it’s very run down, not liveable at all. He doesn’t have a wife , he has older children but there much older teenagers

If he doesn’t agree with abortion then that’s fine, he doesn’t have to have one.

The bottom line is that whatever happens now this ‘relationship’ has changed.

The possibilities are that he steps up, sorts himself out, you move in together and have a wonderful life. This is unlikely but you know him and I don’t.

or he promises you all of this but buggers off either before the baby is born or shortly afterwards.

Or you go it alone. You know you and you know if you want this.

Or you have an abortion and get an actual boyfriend not a fuck buddy.

The bottom line is that you can get a new and better boyfriend. You can’t go back to a life without a child once you have one.

Is he divorced?

Does he see his children regularly and support them financially?

Does he have a good relationship with their mother?

Unless you have plans to commit fully such as living together and trust that it would happen, I wouldn't want to go ahead with the baby, I have myself been in the situation, my ex really wanted the baby but not to live together, none of the serious stuff just his kid to visit at the weekend, I knew then that isn't what I wanted. However I did already have older kids not his and know how hard it is on your own. It's your life that will change dramatically if he doesn't step up.

Oh love, sack this guy off.

Either keep the baby and go alone or don’t, but either way get rid of him.

He has shown his true colours. As the quote says, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

i think if you keep that far from guarantees a relationship with him laying for the next 18 years. If you want to abort now then do it, it may hasten the end of the relationship, but it has a long way to become a conventional relationship anyway.

Get rid of him, it won't get better.

Ultimately it's your choice regarding termination.

I always say an unexpected pregnancy shows you who your partner really is. And so it seems here op. Decide what you want to do, not what he wants, bearing in mind the relationship is likely over either way.

If he already has kids to support will he have enough to support another?

Is he a superdad to those kids or will 99.9% of the parenting be on you? Where will you live, how will you afford that as a single parent?

This is not a man who is going to stand by you through a pregnancy and the hard work of raising a child. Make your decision based solely on your own needs and life priorities.

OP - holy shit this manchild is not for you. Nor anyone for that matter.

You do whatever you need to do & please involve a friend or family for support if you can.

If you want to be a mum then go for it but do it from the pov of crapman not being your partner - so by yourself.

If you're not ready for that then go with abortion feeling no shame & do THAT as a single woman too.

Eitherway you must get shot of the shitbag.