Abortion , need some advice please :(

[PinkExpert]

Hi

this is my first time positing on here, ive been reading threads for a few weeks now on other peoples stories and rattling my brain what is the best thing for me.

I got pregnant unexpectedly , by my long distance boyfriend of 1.5 years. The distance between us is about 1.5-2 hours driving. He has never met my family, and I have only ever met his brother a few times. I’m unsure to why we’ve never actually met family in the time we’ve been together, probably because we only really see each other one night at a time over the weekend, maybe 2 if we’re lucky. And sometimes this can be 2 times a month (due to our work patterns) I still live at home with my family (some of them don’t even know about my boyfriend) and he hasn’t really got a safe place to live in either, he’s just got kicked out of his brothers place.

When I told him I was pregnant we was both shocked , and couldn’t believe it. He drove up to see me the day later and I felt instantly safe. It’s been a few weeks since then and I’m having constant panic attacks worrying about my future. I know all these things are fixable ; finding a house and stuff. But with me being pregnant I’m constantly worrying what’s gonna happen where , when will I next see my boyfriend? I want to be stable first before having a baby not living 2 hours from him, seeing him few times a week.

He doesn’t want me to have an abortion and he has said some nasty stuff to me about thinking about it, the only reason stopping me from taking the abortion pills is him because I’m worried what he’s gonna say to me during it (make me feel worse) or how he’s gonna feel? He ended our relationship 5 days ago but came back 3 days later? But I’m so worried if I take this pill he will leave me again? The midwife’s told me I can’t let his feelings override mine but I can’t face to lose him.

I just wish I was in a better place to have a baby; not living at home, the distance between us , atleast one of us had somewhere to live and I was more prepared.

I’ve leaned my lesson from not using contraception and I’m looking at going on some contraception after this , I want every form of it !!

I just need someone to speak to :( xx

You say both your parents have passed away and you don't see your siblings but still live at home, who are you actually living with?

I live with other family members.

Why do you both live so far apart? Did you have a plan eg move in together before this happened?

Uncle/ Aunt / cousins

Hi OP, the same thing happened to me a few years ago during lockdown. My (ex) boyfriend was constantly threatening to break up with me, told me I'm a baby killer and a load of other horrid things. I aborted and we broke up, got back together a few months later but then whenever we'd argue, he'd throw the abortion in my face.

I'm glad I made the right decision for myself as I was not able to take care of a child at the time, we were in lockdown, I hardly had any money and I was going to start uni that year. I hope you're okay.

I recently had an unplanned pregnancy and after much confusion I made an appointment with this non bias charity called CHOICES. They gave me 2 x 1.5 hour counselling over zoom to help me explore my feelings. (it’s free btw). I could not recommend more

choicescharity.org

You can keep your little one without staying with your boyfriend and have a wonderful life as a mum X

Please don't use such emotionally manipulative language when OP has clearly stated that she wants to have an abortion.

OP has been crystal clear that she absolutely wants a termination and that her only reason for not having done so already is her boyfriend's emotional blackmail of her. So your wording here feels very inappropriate to be honest.

has said some nasty stuff to me

I’m worried what he’s gonna say to me during it (make me feel worse)

He ended our relationship 5 days ago but came back 3 days later? But I’m so worried if I take this pill he will leave me again?

Fucking hell OP I would be running to the abortion clinic.

He doesn’t seem like a nice man at all!

This is one of the biggest things to happen to you and you’re more concerned about his feelings, he’s been nasty to you and dumped you - can you not see how awful he is!

Get an abortion and tell him you had a miscarriage.
Then find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with you and who is kind and supportive of you.

Ngl these guys are tingling my pro-choice spidey senses... Not in a good way

@PinkExpert Sorry you’re in this situation OP 😓

You need to sit and think about your future. Imagine from this moment onwards you never see or hear from your “boyfriend” again. Are you able to physically, emotionally and financially raise a child yourself? And do you WANT to?
Realistically, your situation does not sound stable and be doesn’t sound like the best guy. He could block you tomorrow and you’d be alone. Is he working? Does he see and provide for his other children?

Thankyou for your reply 🩷

yeah he sees his other children once a week sometimes twice for the day or a few hours.

it’s going to be hard either way , no matter what I do!! I’m worried I’m gonna make the wrong choice either way. My head is more towards the abortion but I’m so scared xx

You'll be fine. Lots of happy healthy babies start in less than ideal circumstances. The details will work out, just enjoy your baby.

Imagine yourself flushing the tablets down the drain. You’ve taken away your choice and the only option now is to carry on with the pregnancy.

How do you feel?

P.S. I know that unused medications go back to the pharmacist - but that doesn’t work for the purpose of the exercise!

Slightly coercive - not ok.

I can't get over the fact that two people in their 30s are 'shocked' about a pregnancy when they didn't use contraception. Intrigued as to the reason for this.

In situations like this you have to be selfish and think of yourself. What is best for you?

he doesn’t sound like relationship material. You have to distance yourself from him for a bit to think what’s best for YOU. Without his interference. He doesn’t get to tell you what you do with your body.

She’s said she wants to terminate but is being bullied by her deadbeat boyfriend.

I feel scared…..

still feel in the same position as I did before I flushed the pills. 🙈

This also looks to me a great deal like an anti-choice organisation trying to mislead and bully women seeking abortion services.

Don’t knowingly bring a baby into a life of poverty!

for everyone saying 38, living with family/not own home... not much of a catch
OP is 31, living with distant rather than immediate family that she 'tolerates'

their positions don't seem that far apart, other than that he has been (presumably) supporting children.

I wouldn't count on staying in a relationship with him either way, so you need to consider if you'd want to be a single mum and go from there. Maybe seek some counselling in real life.x

Yes to that counselling services- they are ' led by their Christian ethos' which makes me think it's a pro life organisation.