To dread Christmas?

[Runki]

Does anyone else dread Christmas? The expense, the being completely skint for the whole of January and sometimes beyond, the stress, the pressure, the awkwardness of possibly having to spend time with relatives you might not particularly like and don't see all year, but you HAVE to because it's Christmas. That Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time song on repeat in shops. All the adverts you see denoting the perfect family Christmas and it's not like that for everyone. And then you sit there at the end of Christmas Day and realise you've spent most of it cooking and washing up. Is it just me or am I just Ebenezer Scrooge?! 😂

I think it's even more difficult this year because my in-laws have cut me out of their lives since my husband passed away, but still want to see my children, and the whole thing is so awkward.

Well that's the first thing you cut out. They don't get to call the shots like that. If they don't want to see you, they don't see the DCs either. Why should you facilitate that? And do you really want people who can do that in your DC's lives?That will sort out the awkwardness.

And you don't have to see stepfather or brother if you don't want to either. Since your husband died you are facing a future you wouldn't have chosen. You are finding your way through it. That takes a lot of mental energy. Don't give some of it to people who don't care about you.

You don't have to celebrate it's not compulsory.

Not just you

It can be hell

I am self employed

I work all Xmas at home with two young kids

The enforced. Happy families etc

Bull

I enjoy Christmas Day and yet I find it really painful and bittersweet at the same time. It makes me think about the people who aren't here anymore and how I am always hoping that some family relationships will get better or people will try harder, and they never do. You see relatives a few times over December and get all hopeful that they might make an effort in the new year and it never happens. Christmas makes me think about my mortality and all the ways I feel unfulfilled or want more than people are willing to give.

Also, having idealised visions of family rammed down your throat is very hard when you don't have anything like that, and what you do have is dysfunctional. I see those adverts and I always want a kid and a dog and a big detached house but it will never be my reality.

Families - don't you just love them! In laws angling for Christmas with their grandchildren whilst excluding their widowed mother ... words fail. I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope you get either the lunch or the launderette this year. x

It’s an awful time of year for me too.

I spend Christmas Eve till the 27th with my very aged parents, Neither drink nor enjoy the food (and so I don’t cook it / have a Christmas Dinner, and it’s a meal I love) and they go to bed at 9pm.

I have siblings but they refuse to leave their ‘own little family’. If I didn’t go, they would spend the day incredibly miserable. As it is, I spend the day / day around it incredibly miserable.

I hate Christmas. It really isn’t just you.

If your parents don't really celebrate Christmas with Christmas dinner then why make yourself miserable every year? They have each other and don't sound that fussed bout Christmas anyway. do like your sibs and celebrate Christmas in your own home and visit your parents Boxing day as it's a day like any other for them anyway.

If your parents don't really celebrate Christmas with Christmas dinner then why make yourself miserable every year?

Because I love them and It’s so much more nuanced than ‘don’t eat the food / don’t celebrate Christmas’. I couldn’t bear to see them unhappy, forgotten or less valued. Old age is hard enough and even though I’d rather be at my best mates drinking Champagne, I will put my needs aside for theirs.

And they are ‘fussed’ (to use your parlance); they are merely elderly and less able. They still value the tradition, even if their party hats are no more.

I am legally unable to drive so can’t attend for the day / Boxing Day.

Again, I love them. It’s that push / pull that makes Christmas so difficult for so many of us.

I could never put their needs aside for my own.

Love this. Break away from the brainwashing we've all had since birth about Christmas.

I did years and years of miserable 'obligation Christmases' because I was younger and didn't have the confidence to object. I still don't like Christmas because of the memories, so I pretty much ignore it now and I work on Christmas Day anyway. I can't visit the shops in the run up to it because of the awful music they play and the crowds. I just try and block it all out.

I don't particularly like it. I don't have kids, a partner or any family other than my mum, I'm not religious and it all seems a bit pointless! I'm happy this year because I have two weeks off work but I've spent many years working in retail over Christmas and I think anyone who has done that feels a little jaded about Christmas...!
I do try to give a little moral weight to it by donating to a homeless charity and putting extra in the food bank, but other than that I'm a bit non-plussed by it.

I used to love Christmas but after countless issues with BIL at Christmas and the endless comments, nastiness towards my kids, unpleasant atmosphere, deliberately crappy gifts and MIL constantly pretending it wasn't happening, we opted out! We spent it alone after a kick off in 2020 and went away 2021 onwards.. Off to Dubai this year, doing a few things in the build up, a murder mystery night set in a victorian Christmas which includes a 3 course lunch, trip to Beamish, a Christmas lunch in a lovely hotel etc...

I refuse to do it now, I refuse to have all the nonsense, endless presents, endless "but if we have a lunch with you, we will have to invite such and such".... no just do something with them separately! My kids don't believe anymore and don't like all the fuss anyways. Hubby loves a family Christmas so it's hard on him every year but I try my best to make it lovely for him.

Next year we are going to where we got married and having a 5 course lunch followed by whatever entertainment they have on! No drama and no fuss

Christmas for me is divided into 'before' and 'after' and always will be.

The 'before' version of me loved Christmas and everything that went with it; the planning, the cooking, the presents, the food...

Then my oldest DC was killed in an avoidable accident.

The 'after' version of me is a hollow shell wearing a permanent mask.

If it was up to me December would be cancelled, but I have to drag on for the sake of my younger DC.

They have already seem too much misery and lost so much of their precious childhoods.

yes, not a fan. Dreading all the time i’m going to spend over the next few months buying gifts. Not even the expense, just the effort and work is so busy too.

Oh @FrolickingTowardsTheFestivities

I hate it but for entirely selfish reasons. I am so very sorry to hear of your terrible bereavement. People can be so very tactless also.

It bloody isn't!

I try to enjoy it, and do enjoy moments with my own little family.

But with addict siblings in my family it's always a time of worry and I get a dread feeling and always worry if they will ruin Christmas or have a big drama (which they have done before) and anytime anything good is happening their lifestyles and the stress that comes with it is always in the back of my mind.

So any holiday/event where there is pressure to have fun and be happy I always feel this horrible sadness and worry in my mind and then get annoyed that I should be enjoying my own children's christmas while they are young. Christmas is definitely a hard one for me x

Honestly, I don't know why people put themselves through it if they don't enjoy it. My winters have hugely improved since I largely gave it up. I just do the absolute minimum now, a couple of cards to elderly relatives (who have other people to spend the day with, they are not abandoned).

My family are not religious so don't care. I asked my brother if he was doing Christmas this year - he dips in and out - but he said he was going to do his tax return and get a takeaway. Some of DHs family are a rather obsessed with the Jesus thing but I don't see them so it doesn't affect me.

I do celebrate the solstice though, it is far more meaningful and there is no commercialism.

Meh it’s not so bad. I’m getting some nice presents from dp that I’m looking forward to. I’ve got a six year old. Had a great time buying her gifts, can’t wait to see her open them. We don’t visit or have visitors on the day. DP cooks. He likes doing it, I don’t want to do it so it all works out.

I really am so dreadfully sorry for your loss. Wish there was more I could say. I completely understand how Christmas is before and after for you. Sending you the very best of wishes.

Your Christmases since 2020 sound absolutely lovely and I salute you. My uncle who died in 1985 used to go away to Mallorca every year at Christmas as he couldn't stand the commercialisation of it all back then. I dread to think what he'd think now. Looking back, it was nothing compared with the fuss and pressurised advertising that goes on now.

You know, Christmas is a very sad and often lonely time for so many. That is glossed over by the Christmas fairies with their over the top preps and illusions of happiness by a roaring fire with chestnuts roasting shite.

I'm another who has had many losses in the last five years too. All of them loved the get togethers at Christmas and I can still hear one of them (my Dad) singing Frank Sinatra to my mother late in the evening when all the visitors went home. I have tears in my eyes now recalling that.

Those days are gone now but I have wonderful memories. No more Christmas crap for me. Leave on 16th December and back early January, avoid it all and sit in the sun now.

Solidarity with all those lost and lonely on the inside, but who must be bright and breezy on the outside. It's kind of cruel in lots of ways.

Thank you. Thank you for getting it. Lost and lonely on the inside but must be bright and breezy on the outside. You have summed it up perfectly. Sitting in the sun at Christmas sounds rather wonderful. Do you go to the same place each year or does it vary? Your bit about your Dad singing Frank Sinatra to your Mum when everyone had gone home brought a tear to my eye. My Dad adored Frank Sinatra and used to sing My Funny Valentine to me. Memories are funny things, aren't they. Bittersweet. Solidarity with you too amd thank you again.

@Runki We are solidarity sisters!

I had a bloody good cry today, here on my own so I could let the floodgates open! That doesn't happen very often but it is so cathartic.... I blame Ole Blue Eyes lol.

Anyway onwards and upwards. Yes we go to a lovely town called Estepona in Southern Spain. It is owned by my sister and DH. They are so very generous and we can use it every Christmas as they obviously stay home to be with their kids and grandkids etc. We don't have kids so off we go!

Christmas there is very muted. Everything is open Christmas Day it's like any other. The Spanish big day is 6th January and is for the kids. Spanish have family dinner on Christmas Eve and everything back to normality Christmas Day.

I wish you and yours peace and calm, and hope a lovely season comes your way.