To dread Christmas?

[Runki]

Does anyone else dread Christmas? The expense, the being completely skint for the whole of January and sometimes beyond, the stress, the pressure, the awkwardness of possibly having to spend time with relatives you might not particularly like and don't see all year, but you HAVE to because it's Christmas. That Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time song on repeat in shops. All the adverts you see denoting the perfect family Christmas and it's not like that for everyone. And then you sit there at the end of Christmas Day and realise you've spent most of it cooking and washing up. Is it just me or am I just Ebenezer Scrooge?! 😂

@Runki Christmas is what you make it. It doesn't HAVE to be stressful, and full of expense, and seeing people you don't want to. DH and I are having a pizza on Christmas day. I CBA with doing a full roast meal with all the trimmings. DH doesn't want to do it either, so we are having a Christmas meal at the pub a few days before, and spending Christmas day chilling. Munching on snacks, port, chocolates, and as I said - pizza.

We are seeing both DD in the morning for an hour, then coming home around midday-1pm. Seeing no-one else. Lovely, quiet Christmas for us. Stop letting people pressure you into doing what you don't want to do. Why do so many people have this obsession with HAVING to spend Christmas with people - like all day, like 11am to 8pm, (and sometimes Boxing day too!) Some people have people staying for several days! Nooooooo! 😖

It's because of when I get paid. I get paid on Christmas Eve. Christmas costs me so much because I'm on my own and have young children to buy for and this eats up all my money from December. So January is always such a long month - sometimes a other six weeks til I get paid again. My father in law used to kindly give my husband some money at Christmas for us to spend on our children, but my husband passed away recently and my in-laws have cut me off completely. It's like I don't exist anymore. I think that's adding to the sadness of it all. Not that we ever expected the extra help from my father-in-law at Christmas and we would always try to turn it down, and he would insist. Think I'm just feeling sad that they know it's just me now but don't give a hoot about how I'm managing on my own. Sorry.....long and possibly far too detailed explanation!

Your Christmas sounds fabulous. Pizza and port....I love it. Thank you very much for the words of encouragement....means a lot.

I’m sorry for your loss. I can understand why you feel the way you do. Your in-laws are obviously grieving the loss of their son but to treat you so badly is awful. I wouldn’t see them this christmas. Do some nice activities with the children and let them reflect on their behaviour?

I know it's expensive but book that table.
Some Indian restaurants open and do a great alternative Christmas lunch.
If you in-law want to see the kids pick a time and place for that to happen.
Another lunch out or a meet for coffee. It doesn't have to be in your house.
or do it a New Year's Day or another time.

Ina world of introverts and extroverts. This extrovert holiday can be exhausting.

Thank you. Glad I didn't offend you.

I don’t dread Christmas but tend to get a bit panicky as DD15 & I have December birthdays so there’s a lot going on generally leading up to the big day. Felt better when I stopped buying glossy magazines & no longer thought my little house needed to look like a page from House & Gardens or Country Living!

hy do so many people have this obsession with HAVING to spend Christmas with people - like all day, like 11am to 8pm, (and sometimes Boxing day too!) Some people have people staying for several days! Nooooooo!

But again this depends on circumstances. My dad died 18 months ago, my sister lives overseas, if mum didn't come to us for christmas she would be completely alone. Yes it's extra stress and pressure having her here, but who would be so selfish as to say to their 80 year old mother than actually, they want a quiet christmas so she can just sit on her own? Sometimes you have to just suck it up and do things you'd rather not.

I've lost count of christmas carol concerts and shows and other things i've sat through to support a child who is performing, because it was important to them that I am there.

Honestly I love Christmas and start to look forward to it around August time 😂 but I think that's purely because we plan the type of Christmas we want and don't do things that we feel like we should do just for the sake of it. My partner and I are close with both our families and will see each of them on the days around Christmas, but Christmas Day is for us with our son and dog! We map out the day with things we both enjoy, I love cooking anyway so will be excited about preparing a huge Christmas lunch while partner entertains the baby and dog, and we've bought presents within the budget we're comfortable with so no pressure there. Honestly if I were you I would think about how you want to spend Christmas and what will alleviate as much pressure and stress as possible and do exactly that!

Pick and choose the bits you want. I love a tree and fairy lights and lovely food with family in a busy house.

We dont do presents (giving or receiving) except for very small children and our 2 adult DC. We don't do cards either. That's two big expenses and time consuming jobs out of the way. We don't turn the tv on, just enjoy time together (gossip, fizz, Karaoke and charades).

We don't have Christmas cake or Christmas pudding or mince pies. No one really likes them IME and they just end up getting binned. We just have our favourites (home made carrot cake, tiffin or brownies or maybe a Colin Caterpillar).

To be fair a big meal for 10/12 people is hard work and I do find it tiring now but Boxing Day is just immediate family, adult DC opening stockings and presents, Christmas PJs and the kids serving up leftovers. That's my chill time.

I'm sure your Christmas will be very hard this year. I hope it goes OK and you can create some new traditions with your DC. Lunch out sounds lovely.

Then do it. They’ve cut you out of their life anyway so what will actually happen if you just say ‘sorry we have plans for Christmas lunch - we’ll see you on 28th/29th/never for an hour between 11-12’?

People make such a huge fuss about Christmas whether they like it or dislike it and I don’t really understand why. You’re an adult who can choose to spend your time! Just do what works for you and ignore the ‘noise’. Sometimes im in the mood and decorate and go all out, this year I can’t be arsed so I’m just…not. I’ll buy a few gifts, cook something nice, send a few cards to people I’m thinking about but don’t see and wait for spring to come.

Each year I like Christmas less which I do think is a shame but I can’t help the way I feel.
Some family members don’t help as they put a lot of pressure onto me, others go on and on and on about how they are all done in October knowing I’m the single mum in the family that is trying to juggle it all but they tut and scoff if I’m not as organised as they are but everything is done for my child by Christmas.

It’s the last year we are spending it with family so hopefully next year will be a whole lot more enjoyable.

Nope, I love Christmas, but I keep it small and am really selective about what I do individually and with my DC. We only do the bits we enjoy!

I do most of my shopping online so any small foray into an actual shop is quite enjoyable and don't get driven to distraction by that shitty song you mentioned (which incidentally gives me the rage).

I used to hate starting the buying too early, but now I get the bulk around Black Friday and have December (mostly) as a month of fun.

I had been feeling like that for the last few years, but this year we're having a complete reset.

We'll be away and I will literally be buying a couple of presents at not great expense. We'll also do a few Christmas things in the lead up but the relief is HUGE. I cannot tell you how much better I feel about it all.

I would scale back if I were you.

@DrZaraCarmichael I think the difference is that if you like your mum and she's a pleasant person then it's fine to have her with you at Christmas.
It's when the relatives are horrible people that I would just think "screw 'em".

My mom died on Christmas day when I was quite young. Even now I find Christmas really stressful. Particularly when I am around people who really love it. Do not want to spoil anyone else's fun, but worth remembering not everyone is joyful as the year turns.

I'm a bit of a Scrooge these days too.

Used to enjoy Christmas when the kids were young and my dm was still alive, but now I can't be bothered 😂

It's mainly because it's hard work for me, everyone wants to come here as I'm the best cook so it costs a fortune and I spent all my time in the kitchen (but not this year as I've told them I'm not doing it!)

Just you:

Never spend more than you can afford. Bring your children up to understand the value of money. When they are very young they’ll be happy with anything, when they are older they will have to understand they can’t have everything they want.

Dont spend all day cooking and washing up. If you’ve cooked you certainly don’t wash up. Buy as much ready made stuff as you can, and cook in advance where possible.

Shop online, in the sales where possible.

Why on earth would you spend time with people you don’t like vis it’s Christmas? You’re allowed to say no.

Thank you so much - that's so kind of you. Really helpful advice. Yes they have been not very nice (typical British understatement). I sometimes wonder how they think my children got here in the first place because it's like I never existed in the first place. My husband adored Christmas and liked to do things that kind of became a tradition but maybe it's time to do things our own way now. ❤️

My father died three weeks before Christmas. I was ten years old at the time. I was sent home on the bus (an hour walk from school to the bus stop, twenty miles journey home and another half hour walk from the bus stop home). When I got there, my mother was sitting in the lounge, silent and holding the cat on her lap. My paternal aunt (who I loathed) told me to change my clothes, catch my pony and go for a long ride. Whilst I was changing my clothes, I heard my father's coffin being bumped down the stairs by the undertakers. I watched out of an upstairs window and saw it being loaded into a hearse and driven away. I was not allowed to go to his funeral. I was not allowed to mention his name. The worst part was getting a Christmas present from him, with the tag written in his copperplate handwriting, which I wasn't allowed to keep. I was sent to school the following day.
It's coming up to the sixty-eighth anniversary of his death, and I still miss him.

No it's not.

Not really, I'm a Grinch as well during Christmas time. Ebenezer Scrooge and Grinch rolled in one😀

Heartfelt condolences. I've spent two decades worrying myself sick about my brother's addiction, with the fear always at the back of my mind that one day I will receive 'that' phone call. These things are so difficult to live with. Be kind to yourself

I can see why some people dislike the stress of Christmas. I personally enjoy it, I like the build up, the planning, the Christmas wrapping, meal planning.
We go to church Christmas morning and then have the entire extended family round for a meal and drinks into the evening, everyone stays over if they want to. I love having all of my family together, I love cooking for them and I love sitting down and relaxing with a drink once everything is eaten and washed up.

I’m just meh about it. It is a ticking list for me and we keep it low-key. If I didn’t plan things, next to nothing would happen. I don’t have the energy or want to to do elaborate, unnecessary Christmas stuff since Christmas is not my thing.

If DS2 asks, I will look into activities and such, see if it is possible and do it for him (DS1 is autistic and DD1 is only 13 mo), but other than that it is just trying to get through the two weeks off and helping DS1 cope with not being in his usual routine of school.