AIBU to think if you haven’t got your life friends from school / uni, you’ll be forever lonely??

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I have moved quite a lot in my childhood (with parents) and 20’s (with job) but finally in my late 30’s, my husband and I are settled down in Surrey with 3 kids (6,4,1). I was so keen to finally meet mum friends and properly settle down. I have good friends from childhood years but almost all live in a different country and it’s so hard to see them regularly.

I have made a couple of good friends in surrey but most of my new found friendship group I met with my oldest child when we were on maternity leave together and they have kids age 4-8. Therefore their kids are in school now, they are pretty much working full time again and seem to only want to socialize when it suits them with childcare which is rarely. EVERYONE has childhood friends or school friends or uni friends that they count as their real friends and prefer to spend time with during their limited weekends. I really don’t have this in the area we live and am so keen to find people. I am a bit shy at first but actually a really social person. I went to school mum Christmas drinks this week which I was really looking forward to but only 3 people turned up and it was over by 9. Our school class is terrible, NO ONE is remotely interested in socializing. I have joined a weekly exercise class but again that is very cliquey. I have tried to look for a book club but not had much luck - all are online but I want something to meet people in person to spend time with. Doesn’t help that my husband works 7am-8pm every day, is out on average twice a week with work and travels 1 or 2 weeks in 4 and also very much has his own social group, most whom I have never met. I also work 3 days a week (remotely 😭 so no socializing there either) but it means my hours to myself are so so limited.

I’m getting to the point where my kids, the endless housework and the odd decent book for the evening are enough as I give up with trying to make a life for myself. I do feel myself slipping away sometimes though - almost feels like I’m in a dream and I’m starting to dream up social interactions rather than living them (crazy I know) I don’t really see my husband that much at the moment with his mad work schedule.

Can anyone give me tips on making decent long lasting friendships? Where have you had luck meeting people? Part of me thinks we up sticks, move and start again!!

I moved from North Wales to Surrey, and have 3 lifelong school friends who I will always be close to. When I first moved here and the DC were young, it was harder to make friends, most of the one’s I had then were work friends, and one mum friend from school. Now the DC have grown up and I can socialise more, i’ve got lots of friends. I have signed up for 8 different friendship groups christmas meals. I joined a ladies walking group which has been amazing for meeting local friends, weekends are now long walks in the Surrey countryside and pub lunches.

I am a very sociable person but did struggle with school mum friends. Probably as I worked, but I did have some lovely mum friends from nursery (0-4 nursery), we all caught the same trains so became good friends. Our DC are 20 now, all at Uni. I’m meeting them tonight for a meal actually.

I have made friends in both areas we have lived in , mainly through the kids - school
mums, parents that I chat to while our kids do activities . The ones I like best are the parents of my youngest child. You have three children so lots of opportunities to meet different groups.
I also have lots of friends from work. Maybe a face to face role would suit you better if you miss company ?

I have two friends I met through work in my 20s - much older now. These days I find that by involving myself in activities of some sort - sport; shared interest etc I meet people who want to know me, ask me to meet up for coffee or ask if they can come along to a group I've mentioned. I wouldn't really label these people as 'friends' but they are pleasant to share time with occasionally.

But I'm older, DC grown and have more time. My advice would be to do things you enjoy and not go out seeking friends, as when I did this I'm pretty sure I gave off loneliness and desperation vibes. Good luck.

Have a look for local walking groups. Loads are springing up in our area. Walking is a great social tool. It’s less forced as your walking side by side and you meet some lovely people. Sometimes stop for a coffee or go to a cafe after. We have a Christmas night organised next week. I’ve met some lovely people.

I’ve moved around internationally a lot, and for much of my adult life, my school and university friends have been scattered around the world. Absolutely it’s possible to make friends in later adulthood, but you will usually have to work at it, not leave it to chance. For me, looking around, identifying potential friends and/or situations in which I may meet the kind of people I like, is as much a part of arriving somewhere new as unpacking and arranging furniture.

Absolutely not. I met my closest friends in my early 30s through a new job and 7 years later we’re still the best of friends. I have zero friendships from school or uni

No I don't think this is true.
I see no one from school and very few people from University and don't feel in the least bit lonely.
Most friends I see regularly I have met in the last 20 years

I'm in my late 30s, no kids. I moved a few years ago and it's been really hard to make friends, most women my age that I have met either have young kids or are actively trying. I found they are (understandably) prioritising friendships with others who are going through similar experiences.

I have made some wonderful friends through work. I know many on Mumsnet hate the idea of socialising with colleagues outside of work, but my colleagues are great! There are about 5 or so that I go to the gym or cinema with, have around for dinner, etc. Could you look for a non-remote job? Even if it doesn't evolve into friendships, you'd at least get some human interaction at work.

I'm 48 and don't have a single friend from pre 25 in my life.
All my friends have come from activity groups (sports and yoga in my case).
I have one friend and some close acquaintances I made at the school gate.

I made friends by joining the PTA

This is a big one for me

Are you part of a gym/health club? They can be very sociable.

Sorry posted too soon accidentally.
You are doing the right things by joining a gym etc, just getting yourself out there. We lived overseas for 10 years and I had to try quite hard to meet people in the new area we lived in when we returned. Shared interests are the way to go.

Do you have a dog? I have made several good friendships that started whilst out walking

This. I don't know anyone I knew at school or university except via a school Facebook Group or Christmas cards from one fellow student, we all went our separate ways when we left and friendship fizzled out. My friends are from work or social groups. I'm retired now and still meeting people but I don't really expect 'best friends' involved in every aspect of my life.

I am another that has not kept in touch with friends from school. Or uni, for that matter. I was at uni on two different occasions but because I don't work anymore I have lost contact years ago. For the best as life for me is busy with several children to raise. I savour solitary moments and prefer that.

I have many acquaintances that I see and I am happy with this arrangement as I just genuinely don't have head space for others.

OP take advice to set up your own book club if you love books.

I have friends from when I was 4 -11 from school. However my best friends who know me warts and all are my friends from
When I was an adult.

DH is going to a Christmas night out soon with work but partners are not invited.

In some work places that isn't that unusual tbh...

I was a teacher and we never had partners on nights out. My husband worked in the NHS and it was the same. On the rare occasions I've been out with his friends from work it was really boring because they talked about ... work. I expect he felt the same about my work friends.

Aw you can make friends at any age. However, I will admit that my school friends are amazing. I have two from school and we've been close for 30 years and one from college for 20 years. I know what you mean though- we have so many shared memories that we cackle about regularly. It's very precious to me.

I have no school friends I’m still in touch with and I didn’t make great uni friends.

Most of my friends locally I made on mat leave, I tried really hard and put myself out there loads. It didn’t always go to plan and I looked like a crazy person but I’m glad I stuck at it and met the mums I did. Otherwise it’s work where I’ve met people.

Exactly. It's not enjoyable for the partners especially if working in a completely different sector. I would not enjoy being on DH's night out soon, as its all talking shop which I know nothing about!😂

I have no friends remaining from childhood. I too moved as a child. My friends now are from when i worked, my sport and the village where I used to live. One of my best friends I only met eight years ago in my late 40s.

I dont think I have a single friend from school (except as a Facebook acquaintance) ans non from uni either. All mine have been met in later life

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes There's value in every type, from fleeting hello at the gym to people who feel like the sister you always wanted

Important to have realistic expectations. People go to the gym to exercise. A community tennis club with social activities offers greater opportunities for making friends

And, it can take years to form a true friendship. In the meantime, try to enjoy spending time with acquaintances

I think you need to stick at those groups that you've tried. It takes time to build up friendships. Also have you tried peanut that's great for meeting local mum friends.