To think it’s rude for people to say ‘you look exhausted’

[Beeloux]

AIBU to find it really rude?

I’m one of those people who looks reasonable with makeup but without I look do look haggard and older than my age (27). I’m naturally very pale and have always had sunken eyes.

Today on the school run, one of the mothers commented how exhausted I look. I do tend to wear makeup but have recently been going makeup free. I sleep well and eat healthily.

I feel mortified after she said that and feel like I need to start wearing makeup again!

Just say a breezy "Thanks! You too!"

But yes, it's pretty rude.

I'd never thought to say that back... I'm going to try it next time 😆

I think I've seen other threads on Mumsnet about this. I've also heard other people complain about this phrase.

Personally I think people get way to offended these days.

If you look exhausted, then you look exhausted!

If you r not exhausted just say so!

I'm always exhausted so wouldn't care if someone said that's how I look! If I wasn't exhausted though, and someone said I looked like I was, I wouldn't be offended by the comment! I'd just say 'actually, for once, I'm not that tired!!! what makes you think I look tired?' and then I'd maybe make a joke or.something!

So rude. Hate it when people say this unless they're incredibly close friends or family saying it with genuine care.

I once said to someone in response to telling me (unsolicited, an acquaintance not a friend) 'thanks, its always nice to be told you look like you feel'.
They just looked bemused but it made me feel better 😅.
Substitute 'worse than you feel' if in fact you aren't exhausted!

I don't know... If she's used to seeing you with make up and today you weren't wearing it then you probably did look different and more tired. Maybe she was concerned. If you never wore make up and looked the same every day then it's not a great comment to make.

Thanks all, I just laughed and said I always look like this without makeup on. I could understand if I always wore makeup and this was the first time I hadn’t but I haven’t worn any for the last few weeks so have looked my natural haggard self for a while!

YABU, I would take that as someone being concerned about me and checking I was okay.

Definitely the other way, to me it means you care enough to look at the person and note how they look. Which is then an idea of how life is going for them. It can be recognition that you know they have been having a tough time or a chance for them to open up to you. However I am 64 and maybe it is taken differently now.

If you look exhausted, though, they are being empathic.
Either they don't know your base look, in which case cut them some slack ( sibce you agree you do have an "exhausted"look). Or, if they do, accept is at them expressing concern because you look more exhausted than they are used to.
In the former case, learn to say "I always look like this - Victorian heroine, me!" with a smile.

I am ABSOLUTELY with you. I can't stand it. Who wants to hear that they look tired??? A senior colleague told me the other day how pale I looked compared to my two colleagues I was sat with...I am pale. That is my skin colour. I was like okay???

I'd just say 'thanks, so do you'

I hate it, it literally translates to
"You look like boiled shite"

I suppose it depends on whether I look exhausted, which I do some times.

I think it shows empathy and if someone is having a hard time that comment can open dialogue if that person wants to open up with what's going on with them.

Go on, I dare you. It' d piss me off as well.

To me it likely to be
A) innocuous chit chat like "weather is terrible today".....if said by someone you don't know well.
B) a way into a conversation about your wellbeing....if said by someone you have a relationship with.

Very few people are just being rude when saying this I think.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Probably just laugh it off.

This.
If someone tells me I look knackered, I usually am!

FWIW, it's a compliment in Japan. It means, you look exhausted because you must be working so hard and hard work is massively admired and appreciated in our culture, so I am telling you I admire you.

Thanks all. Maybe I’m being too insensitive. Said woman always looks exhausted too but I wouldn’t dream of telling her to her face!

Maybe it's an age thing I'm late 50s and when someone says that to another person it's usually said from a good place and not a putdown.

Cheery smile and ' well, I've been awake all night! Then wink.

Alternatively wear enormous sunglasses, bit of lip balm and radiate aloofness. No-one will dare comment on your appearance.

I think it's rude. It is most often said to me by people who usually see me with makeup on and then see me without it, so I'm not actually tired at all just don't have makeup on .

I recently had another baby and people's need to tell me I look tired makes me irrationally angry!

I worked with a woman who used to say that to me now and again - until I started replying, “God, so do you - you look exhausted!” Every single time. And she stopped.