How to hint not to bring kids to wedding

[Meme555]

We are having a very small wedding next year (just registry office then lunch for 35 people). We have around 9 kids that can potentially come ranging from 4 months to 8 years. 5 of these are family/godchildren, however 3 are friends kids. We aren’t super close with the children as we see the parents separately rather than as a family. Is it unreasonable to just invite the parents? They have a great support system and often go away without the kids etc so not worried that they will struggle for childcare. This would then enable us to invite another couple of close friends

And what if his wife kicks off big time with him for not pushing for her and the kids to attend?

You could just storing up a lot of bad feeling over your wedding, which should be a happy event, for the sake of 5 people.

Of course it's irrelevant but many people assume that a no kids wedding means that the bride (cos it's always the woman's fault) is a cold-hearted monster who wants nothing more than to dropkick kids into the moon. People go fluffy with anything child-free to try and counter that nonsense.

How well do you know BM's kids? Do you spend time with all of them together as a family? Or just with the adults. If you don't know the kids well, I think it's fine for them not to be invited, but agree with others it's best to bring it up with the couple in person first, so you can gauge their reaction. Definitely spin it as "just family and godchildren". Then just put the parents' name on the invite, rather than any twee message about children more generally.

Yep this is horrible

For me it would depend on whether they (assuming he had a partner) have childcare or not. You should really have told him before he was asked to be best man.

I'm a stepdaughter too (I was a teen when my Mum met him) and before I moved away from where they live I was very much included in their side of the family for family events. I'm 41 now and still get included in Christmas presents and they all sent gifts when my DS was born despite me not having seen most of them for years.

Absolutely fine to not want children there. But not fine to hint at it. You need to be clear so there's no doubts or grey areas.

It's all or none
Either say (no 'hints') no children, or allow all children

I think you can fairly request no children at all or only babes in arms below 2 included. I think anything else is confusing. Anyone 18 plus is an adult anyway even if they are somebody's child...

I like the idea bringing all under 12s to someone's house and organising a babysitter for all of them is great.

You could even get some sort of entertainment for children.

Hinting is so passive-aggressive. Just be straightforward. In everything, not only this.

I think as long as no kids are invited at all then you can do that. But I'd be pissed off at the fact you'd said kids couldn't come then to turn to find it's only MY KIDS that couldn't come!

Family should always come before friends in the pecking order of wedding invites - I think you need a bigger venue!

You’ll definitely offend this couple if you say they can’t bring their children and other guests will. You need to either have a child free wedding or not 😊

I think when there is the potential for something to be contentious then it's even more important to be very honest and straightforward with everyone. I'd also be wary of just saying it's childfree when it actually isn't.

It's the only way, but you'll still need to be prepared for "Yes, buts ..."

And since you're the hosts it's not at all unreasonable to include this; in fact you can include whatever you like just so long as you'll accept it gracefully if some don't come

It’s just the one couple that we would be not inviting the children, as the rest are family or our godchild

Edited to add that I didn't see this before posting, and since it's clearly not a child free wedding you've got a job on your hands
Whatever the reason I wouldn't expect them to be pleased when they find out theirs is the only child not invited, so good luck

You know what? Ditch the whole thing and elope!