How to hint not to bring kids to wedding

[Meme555]

We are having a very small wedding next year (just registry office then lunch for 35 people). We have around 9 kids that can potentially come ranging from 4 months to 8 years. 5 of these are family/godchildren, however 3 are friends kids. We aren’t super close with the children as we see the parents separately rather than as a family. Is it unreasonable to just invite the parents? They have a great support system and often go away without the kids etc so not worried that they will struggle for childcare. This would then enable us to invite another couple of close friends

This is reasonable and should be ok for families with good support networks

This^

The 4 month old has to come regardless. You won't pay any extra for him/her.

Then just say children of family members only due to number restrictions. Don't say it's a child free wedding because it will be confusing when they see your family's kids there.

With others here. Hinting will land you in trouble. Be clear. No children. But be prepared for people to drop out if child care is an issue.

I’ve had an invite recently which said something along the lines of ‘regrettably due to numbers family children only’
We didn’t question it, most reasonable people don’t expect their kids to be invited to everything.

Please invite the stepdaughter! Especially if you’d invite your sister’s biological kids. Is she not considered part of the family?

I’d make it clear that children who’d need a seat at the table are not included (sorry, but numbers are limited) but personally I wouldn’t exclude babes in arms.

But yes I would put something like ‘family children only as it’s a very small wedding’ Maybe DH could have a word with best man about it? I do find it odd not to include the children of the best man.

Be very clear that you are unable to invite the children owing to numbers.

The drip feed that it's the Best Man's kids you're not inviting changes things entirely. I've never much liked the 'family children only' model but I can see why people do it at big weddings where inviting all children could mean another 30 guests. However for the sake of 3 and them being the children of one of the most important members of the wedding party, I think it would be rude and awkward to leave them out but still have family children present.

Is a venue size restriction or a budget restriction? Our venue didn't count kids under 10 years of age in the wedding package numbers and we could just buy a separate kids meal for them.

Unreasonable but that phrasing always makes me angry. I don't give a fuck whether you like kids or not, they're not parrots or mustard, just tell me whether they're invited, or not.

I strongly agree with this. If you don’t invite your DSD, your sister may refuse to come.

I'm usually the first to support a "no child" wedding and am always astounded that a couple who receive and invitation addressed to John and Kirsty think it also extends to Olivia, Oscar and Felix. If it did their names would be there. It isn't rocket science.

However, in this case the op has said that family children, 5, will be attending and the three in question belong to the best man. In all honesty op, ask the best man and his wife/partner what they would prefer and go with the flow. These aren't just random children they are the bm's and presumably he's bm because of a significant and long term friendship.

I think it’s a lot more complicated if you’re having a lot of other children there. I would be offended if it were just my kids not invited.

YANBU to just invite who you want.

However, reading your posts it sounds like this v.small wedding is throwing up a lot of difficult decisions for you. Is there a genuine risk of hurt feelings? And is the added cost of 3-6 extra people really worth the anxiety and risk of falling out with people you are close to?

Excluding your stepdaughter is mean. Please don't do this.

I think it's a bot cheeky to invite some children but not others.

Well for a small wedding you are going to manage to piss off a load of people - children invited/not invited, sister somehow fuming because she HAS to brings her kids (does she not think her parents should be attending the wedding in order to provide her babysitting?!), not inviting a teenage step-daughter - you've got it all going on!

It’s really not tricky. It’s family children only. Lots of weddings are like that and yes it can extend to the best man’s children. My DH is a very popular man and has been a best man 4 times. I’m always happy to throw myself into the role of Best Man’s wife and lead the drinking and dancing without the DC.

I’d just ask them.

My friend politely phoned and said I’m sorry but we’re short on numbers and family children only etc etc. I am lucky to have my parents available and willing to babysit and I have absolutely no desire to take my kids to a friend’s wedding. Neither me nor my kids would enjoy the process. She was incredibly relieved when I said oh no I wouldn’t want to bring them anyway and I’m not remotely offended by them not actually being invited. (Not everyone will react this way though - so best to just ask them to get the lay of the land)

Stepdaughter is different and for the sake of family harmony I would definitely invite her. She may not want to attend anyway.

Truthfully, I think it's absolutely shit to exclude ONE couple's children and your sister's SD.
But, it's your wedding, so you can go ahead and be cunty.

I think you should invite the best man's children especially when they're friends with some of your family's children. It would be different if the couple weren't your fiance's close friends.

Given you're inviting other non-family children (the godchildren) and they're the best man's kids, I'd just invite them tbh. But family children only is absolutely fine (do you need to invite the godchildren?), so if that's what you decide on you're grand. The bluntness of communicating that man to man might do no harm! Especially if it's DH who doesn't want to invite them, let him do his own dirty work.

I'd invite the stepdaughter. Not worth the fall out there, she is family even if you don't really know her and she's definitely your sister's family.

I think it would be weird to exclude kids in those circumstances, where all the children are close. Even weirder to exclude them as the best mans children. I also would not exclude your sisters DSD, that's a bit mean.
Be prepared for them to think it's odd when they get there and find only their kids were excluded.

I think you have to be careful with a step daughter. It’s ok to leave her out if you are not inviting her step siblings. But you CANT invite some children from the same family and leave one out because they are not a “ blood relative “.