How to hint not to bring kids to wedding

[Meme555]

We are having a very small wedding next year (just registry office then lunch for 35 people). We have around 9 kids that can potentially come ranging from 4 months to 8 years. 5 of these are family/godchildren, however 3 are friends kids. We aren’t super close with the children as we see the parents separately rather than as a family. Is it unreasonable to just invite the parents? They have a great support system and often go away without the kids etc so not worried that they will struggle for childcare. This would then enable us to invite another couple of close friends

I said YABU because it's unreasonable to hint. You have to make it clear that kids are not invited - this may result in some adults being unable to make it, as they cannot arrange childcare.

Why do you have to mention anything on the invitation? Speak to them, explain the situation, and when you issue invitations just use the invitees names.

send them home with slices of cake for the kids

Yanbu not to invite friends children.

If older sister is close to step daughter you are likely to really offend sister by not inviting her. I would check in with sister on this before sending invite.

Wait do you are inviting everyone's children except for one family? That feels a bit weird tbh.

Thanks, this was what I was worrying about

Because it’s actually only 2 other families with kids, one being my sisters children, and the other being godchildren

Just tell them the truth, they may not want to bring them anyway.

I would revisit your thoughts around your older sister’s step daughter, surely she is now your niece and you should be treating her as family.

Given your update that there is only one family of children not being invited and thst one of their parents is the best man id speak to the parents first to see their thoughts rather than just impose it and risk offence. Being best man is slightly more than just being a normal guest, on a par with being one of the family, and if the best man’s children see the only ones not being invited it seems abit off. If you explain the situation maybe they will be perfectly happy to have a child free day but I’d initially keep the option of the kids being able to attend open until you’d spoken to them

Yes, this - and tbh I'd also be pretty upset if I were a close enough friend to be invited to your small wedding, but I got there and found my child was one of only three who'd been excluded - but I probably wouldn't accept the invitation if it excluded my child anyway, tbh. I suspect I'm in the minority on MN, but I find the exclusion of children from weddings odd and a bit miserable.

If they are the only family asked not to bring DCs, I think it seems a bit off to ask them not to bring their DCs, particularly as the DH is in the wedding party.

You just have to be explicit.
They will either accept the invitation without kids or they don’t.
I Suggest this is a verbal conversation though as the circumstances (not child free but not your kids) could really piss someone off if they don’t hear the perfectly reasonable explanation.

Thanks, my other half has said he will speak to his best man, but they both have the sensitivity of a brick so I will maybe try and arrange for us to speak to both parents together before 😂

I missed your update - not inviting the best man's children Terrible form, OP, sorry. You want him to come and do for you, but cba to accommodate his children?

I do think you have bigger problems here. You can't assume step-daughter won't be upset & if it is the best man, then I wouldn't exclude just their dc.

I think you need a rethink.

We had a similar size wedding,, 30 years ago & I'm still hearing 2ndhand, how annoyed MIL was...

Thanks, this was my thoughts but my other half doesn’t agree which is where we are stuck!

yes, however it’s quite a complicated family dynamic due to other half’s dad being a shit when he was younger, so his other siblings will often do things together which we aren’t invited to etc

She can’t say child free as she wants to invite 6 kids but not 3 others. Is there room
for the children or not? For the sake of paying for 3 kids I would just invite them.

Oops. That makes it tricky.

If you are already having kids then what difference will three more have? I think it is all or nothing. The couple in question will wonder why they were singled out.

Well you have two options:

1. Invite all the children.
2. Explain (clearly) on the invitation that only family children are invited.

Sounds like both options cause you a few problems, so it's up to you which is the better/ least worst option!

Thanks everyone, think we will have a chat with the couple, then if they want to leave the kids at home, we can then invite others. Or if they would like to bring them, then go with that

Your abu because you want to hint, rather then being clear on your invitation.
Are you banning all children or just the 3 unrelated ones? If the latter, as a parent i would be pretty pissed off if some kids were there and mine were not welcome

Well if you are going to invite them if the parents want them to come then just invite them without all this handwringing, and while you are at it invite the stepdaughter too.

You mention your sister step daughter...this isn't the same sister that has her own children is it? If it is, that is probably not going to go down well. I think if your sister is married to the father of the step daughter, then I'm not sure you can avoid the conversation about whether to invite her before sending invitations at least you will know how she will react and can decide on that basis.

No different sisters! Just to be confusing