How to hint not to bring kids to wedding

[Meme555]

We are having a very small wedding next year (just registry office then lunch for 35 people). We have around 9 kids that can potentially come ranging from 4 months to 8 years. 5 of these are family/godchildren, however 3 are friends kids. We aren’t super close with the children as we see the parents separately rather than as a family. Is it unreasonable to just invite the parents? They have a great support system and often go away without the kids etc so not worried that they will struggle for childcare. This would then enable us to invite another couple of close friends

So, there are 5 people that you don’t want to invite - the Best man’s 3 children, your Nephew’s girlfriend and your sister’s stepdaughter. So it’s not a ‘child free’ wedding. I assume the GF isn't a child? Also, you’ve not stuck to only having family’s children if you’re not inviting the SD of your DS.
I would invite all of them TBH, or at least the SD - excluding her is awful!

It isn’t a child free wedding, you just don’t want certain children there and it will be glaringly obvious to the guests.

Not inviting your sisters SD is really bad form.

I think it's rude and would be looking for a venue that could accommodate 40.

Just put their names on the invite or if you're just messaging say we'd love for you and x to join us. I wouldn't be offended at all. I much preferred a wedding without my kids when they were younger unless it was close family and they were invited, which was also nice but entirely the couples decision.

I have young kids and just take it as whoever’s name is on the invite is who’s invited so if they aren’t on there I can’t take them

How old is the stepdaughter?

I think I’d try to accommodate 5 extras really OP - it’s not a child free wedding!
You’ll probably find a couple of your guests can’t make it anyway…

It's not as if not having kids at a wedding will come as a surprise to anyone but don't just hint because that causes confusion.

except maybe when the dad is the best man?

Personally, you either have to have a child free wedding or not, can't really invite some children and not others. This will really upset people.

But mean?

Could these children go to your DSis's house (their best friends) while all the parents go for a meal. Help organise a babysitter for them all.

It sounds like your DSis would rather not bring her kids, you'd rather best mans kids don't come and the kids will probably have more fun watching a film together than out for a meal.

I think DSis's SD should be invited though. You might want to think less about the perfect guests for one meal and more about the consequences.

Honestly I think you should call the people involved and explain, this sounds ripe for miscommunication and upset.

Yes my other half has quite a few older siblings, some we are closer to, some we don’t see at all. We were originally considering eloping just to save the fuss and have everyone equally annoyed at us that way 😂 but still going to have a few people annoyed at us anyway going down this route

Just put on your invites something like “Unfortunately due to limited numbers relatives children to attend only, thanks for your understanding”.

You’re having 3 bridesmaids then. Just because they’re young enough to be titled flower girls they’re still bridesmaids.

3 is a lot for a “small” wedding.

from the sound of it there will be a lot of children there. The bridesmaids/flower girls, family, etc.

if you tell them it’s family only or child free or no space for children or whatever excuse, they’re going to turn up, see 12 children running around, and think you lied because you didn’t want their children there.

12 children is over 1/3 of your guest list of 35z. That is not no children to keep numbers down.

I think maybe 19? I’m not sure if she lives with them full time or if she’s at college or uni. She also has an older sibling we haven’t met

Not inviting her is actually awful. If you’re right and she doesn’t want to come she won’t. You can’t not invite her.

Thanks, we’ll add stepdaughter to the list and see what she says

You are being unreasonable. It's either childfree completely or "family" children only. But ALL family children, you can't pick and choose out of which ones you know more or like more.

Be careful with the best man as well as if the kids can't go, then his wife/partner might not be able to go and then he might not want to go either, and then you have no best man.

Personally for 5 people I would suck it up.

Think he’d rather go without his missus which is why I’m worried😂

I mean it's your wedding and you can invite who you like, but it's a bit rubbish not to invite the Best Man's kids, and for his kids to be the only children who aren't invited. Also crap not to invite the step-daughter. If you're right and she wouldn't want to go, you won't have lost anything by extending the invitation to her, and will have shown kindness. I also think you can't not invite young babies, i.e. the 4 month old....any others?

Thanks everyone, quite surprised by the stepdaughter comments, as a stepdaughter myself, I don’t think I could even think of any of my stepdads families name really, never mind attending a family function 😂 but given me food for thought!

I think for the sake of one person it's worth making her feel welcome in your family. You can always say to your sister that you won't be offended if she'd rather not come, but that you wanted to give her the option.

I wouldn’t say it’s just one person really though. We are already excluding maybe 16 actual relatives from the wedding that we do see more regularly, who I think will be bit annoyed that someone we’ve only met a handful of times was invited