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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Request from DH

83 replies

Ducksinarow876 · 26/11/2024 20:24

Dh and I are not in great place. Long story but the stresses of 2 full time jobs, 2 young children means we don't get a lot of time together and we definitely take things for granted etc. There's some other stuff as well but that's the overall reason

Dh is currently away at the moment with a friend. He moans I don't put enough effort into the relationship. He has a much higher sex drive than I do and this has always been an issue.

We had a quick call as he is away and has just complained I obviously don't midd hin as I've not sent him anything, meaning I've ot sent him any nudes pictures of me. It's a regular request when he is away (or even just at work) he thinks that sending stuff will help improve things

I'm just not interested. The evenings he has been away has been full of sorting the house, tidying up, finishing some work and enjoying an early night yo myself.

He seems to think this is a usual request all couples do. I've said they might but it's not what I routinely think about and now he's sulking.

OP posts:

Brefugee · 26/11/2024 20:27

never send nudes.
Who knows who might see them or what the future might bring.

The early years are brutal, both working, housework to do and small kids to entertain/keep alive. But if you want to keep your marriage alive, maybe you both need to talk and set realistic expectations of each other.

But don't send nudes. Any bloke who asked for nude photos of me would get Very Short Shrift

DebtinVegas · 26/11/2024 20:27

Sorry op but he sounds horrible. It’s not a usual thing to request as far as I know. Certainly not when the other person is clearly not into it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/11/2024 20:28

Sending nudes to a man who doesn't understand boundaries? What could possibly go wrong?

Hard no.

Onlyvisiting · 26/11/2024 20:31

Absolutely do not be pressured into sending pictures.
Concentrating on your relationship, making time for date nights, sex, whatever when he is home- all fine.
Sending naked pictures for him to get off to when you clearly have no desire to do so, hard no.
Tell him its really not something you are comfortable with, doesn't mean you don't miss him. (Well, you might not, but nudes are not the way to prove your affections imo 😅)

NewName24 · 26/11/2024 20:31

Agree with all the other replies.

He seems to think this is a usual request all couples do

Well, he is wrong.

Do NOT send him nude or suggestive pictures.
He is clearly not an empathetic and loving partner. Who knows what he would do with them, even if it were something you di feel comfortable doing - which I suggest would put you in a very small minority of people.

Gingerlingerlonger · 26/11/2024 20:34

DO NOT SEND NUDES.

First and uppermost because it's your body and you don't want to.

Even if you leave out the possibility of him showing them around for some reason, phones get lost and stolen all the time and cloud storage can be hacked.

Don't do it.

I don't say this often but LTB.

Hoppinggreen · 26/11/2024 20:34

DH spent years travelling extensively, including once when he was away for a month.
not once did I ever send nudes nor did he ask.

Bridgetomalley · 26/11/2024 20:35

You have no idea what he will do with nude pictures if you sent them. Who he might show them too, share them with, or what website he might upload them on to. You would be giving him power over you.
I dont think sending nudes would improve things between you. But having an open conversation about the issues in your marriage hopefully might.

Scottishskifun · 26/11/2024 20:36

All couples do?! I can honestly say my DH has never requested this when he has been away and understands that evenings I'm either sorting the kids, house or knackered when he's away!

He's being a prize one there!

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 26/11/2024 20:39

No one should ever send nudes because they feel pressured to by a partner, it should only be done if consensual and in a respectful strong relationship. A partner pressuring you for anything sexual related isn't ok, he shouldn't want you to do something you don't consent too. Even if this was normal, which it's not, it still wouldn't be ok for him to pressure you like this.

Trumptonagain · 26/11/2024 20:41

You need to own up and tell him the truth.....
That you don't miss him.

pearldiamond · 26/11/2024 20:42

FFS how old is he !!??

Show some self respect and tell him to fuck off.

ItGhoul · 26/11/2024 20:50

I don't think this is just about the nudes, is it? It's clear that there are some pretty major problems in your sex life. He has a much higher sex drive than you do, and to be honest it sounds as if you don't really like him much (which I'm not certainly not judging you for) and you see sex in general as a chore.

Of course you shouldn't send him pictures if that's not something you're comfortable with. But the disagreement over nudes seems like just one symptom of a much bigger problem that's unlikely to be resolved.

FWIW, I don't think exchanging pics like that is something all couples do. I think it's more normal and common than the average Mumsnetter would have you believe, and I don't think it's an outlandish request, but I also don't think it's a standard thing that everyone does as a matter of course. Not that it matters, because even if everyone in the world was doing it, that still wouldn't mean you should do it, if you don't want to

Justcallmebebes · 26/11/2024 20:51

Well in all of my 50 odd years and with a DP who regularly works away, I can hand on heart say I have never sent a nude pic of myself

TomatoSandwiches · 26/11/2024 20:55

He sounds like a pest who has turned you right off and is using your reactive low libido as a tool to guilt you into sending him nudes.

Tell him to fuck off.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/11/2024 20:55

@Ducksinarow876 never heard the like of this!! dont know anyone, male or female, who as routinely expected nude pics to their partners when they are away on business! if he is away for a break with a mate, I would think he was seriously thinking of cheating while away!

TheForestCalls · 26/11/2024 20:55

My DH has travelled for years and I have never once sent a nude. He has also never asked for one.

BobbyBiscuits · 26/11/2024 20:58

To demand nudes off your partner isn't on at all. If it happens, it should be a mutual thing.
The problem being you probably don't want a picture of his dick while you're trying to do some important work. It's like, you know what my naked body looks like? Just wank to an old picture where my hair is nicer. Lol 🤣

Lindjam · 26/11/2024 21:06

I’m sorry your DH is a creepy sex pest.

What do you want to do about it? 💐

Deadbeatex · 26/11/2024 21:29

Going against the grain to say I do send nudes, usually without my face and it's something I enjoy sending and recieving and turns me on, I also swap videos but always without my face.
However that does NOT mean I think you should. You are not comfortable with it and from the little you've shared sending a pic isn't going to magically fix the bigger issue here.
If you want to send one go ahead but if you don't then No. Is a full sentence.
I think it's time for a serious conversation when he's home, do you want to work to repair your relationship or do you want to walk away? Take the time whilst he's away to really think about what YOU want

BaklavaRocks · 26/11/2024 21:32

I've been married 15years and with my husband for 20years. Neither of us have ever sent nudes or asked for them. Weird if you ask me!

Shinyandnew1 · 26/11/2024 21:33

He seems to think this is a usual request all couples do

I have never taken, sent or received one!

applestewing · 26/11/2024 21:34

Gross
he sounds vile, will await the drip feed of him being an amazing dad or some sh!te like that

Onlycoffee · 26/11/2024 21:38

Is he away for work or juat away? Because I'd be annoyed if he was just away when you're sayinf you don't get to spend al lot of time together.
Instead of being away he could be there with you, tidying up the house and making an effort to woo you, not just demanding pics!

Obviously nothing wrong with going away but if there's problems I would want the problems to be prioritised.

StripeyDeckchair · 26/11/2024 21:38

I'm firmly in the Never Send Nudes camp
They're not sexy & you never know what might happen to them/who might see them.

it's not usual practice between couples
Making a nudes request, repeatedly, is sleezy
His behaviour is going to out you off him, not turn you on

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