Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Request from DH

83 replies

Ducksinarow876 · 26/11/2024 20:24

Dh and I are not in great place. Long story but the stresses of 2 full time jobs, 2 young children means we don't get a lot of time together and we definitely take things for granted etc. There's some other stuff as well but that's the overall reason

Dh is currently away at the moment with a friend. He moans I don't put enough effort into the relationship. He has a much higher sex drive than I do and this has always been an issue.

We had a quick call as he is away and has just complained I obviously don't midd hin as I've not sent him anything, meaning I've ot sent him any nudes pictures of me. It's a regular request when he is away (or even just at work) he thinks that sending stuff will help improve things

I'm just not interested. The evenings he has been away has been full of sorting the house, tidying up, finishing some work and enjoying an early night yo myself.

He seems to think this is a usual request all couples do. I've said they might but it's not what I routinely think about and now he's sulking.

OP posts:
LindtCurves · 26/11/2024 21:39

It may be normal for some couples but things like that should only to happen because you feel like it, not because someone is pressuring you.

Different people are turned on by different things. I dated a guy that was really into pics and kept sending me them, even though I explained they don’t really do anything for me. Think he just loved sending semi naked pics of himself and got excited by that! He never got anything back because he didn’t inspire me in that way and I soon ended it.

I used to send a lot of things to my ex but that was because of how he made me feel and because I loved the idea of him seeing me that way/ he loved them. However no other man has made me feel like I want to stand there in my bra and take a snap, so I haven’t for anyone else, and I wouldn’t unless it’s something that makes me feel good.

Maray1967 · 26/11/2024 21:41

Brefugee · 26/11/2024 20:27

never send nudes.
Who knows who might see them or what the future might bring.

The early years are brutal, both working, housework to do and small kids to entertain/keep alive. But if you want to keep your marriage alive, maybe you both need to talk and set realistic expectations of each other.

But don't send nudes. Any bloke who asked for nude photos of me would get Very Short Shrift

Yes - my DH would seriously regret asking me for nudes. What the hell?

Never send photos that you don’t want random folk to see.

potatocakesinprogress · 26/11/2024 21:44

Do you know his friend's partner well enough to find out if they've had the same request? I wonder if they're swapping them.

Snugglemonkey · 26/11/2024 21:49

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/11/2024 20:28

Sending nudes to a man who doesn't understand boundaries? What could possibly go wrong?

Hard no.

Definitely. It is only fun and bonding when it is 100% consensual and 100% safe. He cannot be trusted, he is not respecting your boundaries.

redalex261 · 26/11/2024 21:52

FFS do women never learn? Please don't send nudes. Ever.

I remember reading distraught problem pages all through the eighties "I really loved him and we took nude polaroids, now he's shown them to his friends/threatened to show my family/left them lying around/won't give them back".

Moving swiftly on to smartphone pics "I really loved him and now he refuses to delete nude pics/has shown them to his friends/has uploaded them to a revenge porn site" and on and on and on.

I'm not saying your relationship won't make it or your partner would do anything to harm you even if it went tits up. But I absolutely do not understand why you would agree to do this if it gives you no pleasure, you are harassed to death managing toddlers while he's away (with plenty of time for a w*nk!) and he punishes you by sulking if you don't comply. If this is something you want to do and you are sure these pics are safe, secure and you would feel ok if they were accidentally revealed then knock yourself out. But it doesn't sound like you want to do it. So don't. It's your choice not his.

jeaux90 · 26/11/2024 21:55

JFC has porn addled his stupid brain??

No, this is not normal, never ever do this.

Nc546888 · 26/11/2024 21:55

Similar situation here OP young kids and a sex pressuring husband.

I’ve sent underwear photos before VERY tame like page 3 stuff. No nudes and if someone saw them I wouldn’t curl up and die.

if my husband pushed me into sending them then I would feel ICK and definitely not. It’s the pressure here that’s the issue not the actual nudes I think

Bridgetomalley · 26/11/2024 22:00

@MoveToParis That really is an article women should read before even thinking of sending nudes photos.

scandiloving · 26/11/2024 22:03

Never sent one, never been asked, never will, no thanks.

anythinginapinch · 26/11/2024 22:13

Dear bloody god. A partner moaning cos you don't send him nudes? That's a new fucking low.

Pandasnacks · 26/11/2024 22:17

Do you send nudes to him when the relationship is in a good place?

AxolotlEars · 26/11/2024 22:19

Nope and never will

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 26/11/2024 22:23

So he’s child free in the evenings in a hotel room with no responsibility but to please himself…. while you’re holding the fort for the children and household!

Erm in what planet is he living on!!!

StarsBeneathMyFeet · 26/11/2024 22:28

My H would ask and also wanted to video us together. I always refused. Now I’m divorced I thank my lucky stars every day that I did!
Honestly it doesn’t sound like he has much respect for you.

MillyMichaelson · 26/11/2024 22:42

So he's away, and you've just put two little kids to bed, and you're supposed to be super keen to send him a picture of your tits?

Mmm sounds very unsexy to me.

He's got an imagination and a memory, and he's seen you before! Tell him he'll have to be resourceful and figure it out for himself!

SprinkleCake · 26/11/2024 22:49

I’ve sent 1000s to my partner and he has to me over the years but we both enjoy them.

Never send any you aren’t comfortable with.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/11/2024 22:52

You send them to him even when he is just at work ?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 26/11/2024 22:55

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/11/2024 20:28

Sending nudes to a man who doesn't understand boundaries? What could possibly go wrong?

Hard no.

This.
I would be angry with him whining on.The anser is NO!!!

maudelovesharold · 26/11/2024 22:56

I’m just imagining the reaction of my dh, if I were to send him a nudie pic of myself when he was away Grin

StormingNorman · 26/11/2024 23:03

I’ve never sent a nude. Been with DH for nearly 20 years and we have never asked each other for pictures like this. It’s not “normal” in the sense that everyone does it except you, which is what your OH is implying. Some women will share them with a trusted partner, but most I know are too vain or too worried about the photos going astray.

itsbiblical · 26/11/2024 23:09

Please don't send nudes or videos - someone I know has a less than charming husband who shared hers for money on porn sites (and she's still married to the twat who managed to convince her his laptop had been hacked and it wasn't him)

Raineys · 26/11/2024 23:13

What an utterly depressing post.
He's away with a friend while you care for his children and he's still hassling you?

Utterly depressing.
What a selfish tosser.

WineIsMyMainVice · 26/11/2024 23:16

I wouldn’t be sending pictures for many reasons as pp have said - but also for the main reason that whilst you are juggling many plates a spinning, he seems to have no appreciation for this and can only think about his own wants!!

Didimum · 26/11/2024 23:17

Your problem isn't that you both work full time and have two young kids. The problem is is that you have an arsehole of a husband.