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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Request from DH

83 replies

Ducksinarow876 · 26/11/2024 20:24

Dh and I are not in great place. Long story but the stresses of 2 full time jobs, 2 young children means we don't get a lot of time together and we definitely take things for granted etc. There's some other stuff as well but that's the overall reason

Dh is currently away at the moment with a friend. He moans I don't put enough effort into the relationship. He has a much higher sex drive than I do and this has always been an issue.

We had a quick call as he is away and has just complained I obviously don't midd hin as I've not sent him anything, meaning I've ot sent him any nudes pictures of me. It's a regular request when he is away (or even just at work) he thinks that sending stuff will help improve things

I'm just not interested. The evenings he has been away has been full of sorting the house, tidying up, finishing some work and enjoying an early night yo myself.

He seems to think this is a usual request all couples do. I've said they might but it's not what I routinely think about and now he's sulking.

OP posts:
TammyJones · 27/11/2024 05:40

@THisbackwithavengeance
Agree
Very true
Like it or not
( many women don't like sexless marriages either )
I've sent nudes - no faces
It really is such a little thing - but no one shout feel pressured
I'd rather dh looked at me than some random on Instagram

61here · 27/11/2024 05:44

I am obviously in a minority here as when my hubby worked away from home we did send each other nude pics. We felt it added some fun to a boring situation of him not being at home. But it was totally consensual! If you don't want to that perfectly OK. But I do wish people wouldn't say its weird, some of us find it fun!

AuDHDacious · 27/11/2024 05:53

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/11/2024 20:55

@Ducksinarow876 never heard the like of this!! dont know anyone, male or female, who as routinely expected nude pics to their partners when they are away on business! if he is away for a break with a mate, I would think he was seriously thinking of cheating while away!

Edited

Yes, and will blame you for not sending pics!

LBFseBrom · 27/11/2024 05:58

He sounds infantile.

Bridgetomalley · 27/11/2024 07:25

ItGhoul · 26/11/2024 23:24

Totally OK not to be into it. The OP's partner shouldn't be pestering her about it if she doesn't want to do it.

But it's hardly 'weird' for two people who find each other sexually attractive to be turned on by pictures of each other naked. If someone's partner loves looking at them in bed, why would it be 'weird' to love looking at a picture of them too?

Obviously plenty of people are too self-conscious, or too worried that they pictures will fall into the wrong hands, or aren't comfortable being looked at, or don't find their partner very visually appealing, or don't have a sex drive high enough to want, er, relief when they're apart from their partner, or any number of other things. That's fine; nobody should be doing anything they're not into.

But 'weird' is a hell of a stretch to describe something that's basically just about two people each enjoying the fact that their partner finds them sexy enough to want to have a little reminder of what they're missing when they're away.

Basically, it's neither weird to want to send nudes, nor is it weird not to want to send them.

Show quote history

Why do they need a reminder?
What happened to memory and imagination for heaven' sake?

CautiousLurker1 · 27/11/2024 08:22

I hear what you're saying and I'm not suggesting she does something she actively doesn't want to do.
But sometimes you have to actively keep your sex life going as without that, you're just friends and coparents.

But the statements here actually conflict - the OP has said she actively doesn;t want to do what her DH is asking and yet you are saying she needs to compromise and ‘actively keeps your sex life going’!! Ie, she should be doing what she clearly doesn’t want to do. Sex and intimacy is important in relationships, but sometimes it is not the most important thing when you are juggling multiple jobs and small children.

Also, everyone these days seems to conflate sex with emotional intimacy, which is a completely separate thing and is actually what deep, secure relationships are about. I’m not hearing that OP is getting any emotional intimacy here, so perhaps DH needs to stop pressurising (coercing) OP into something she is not happy to do and work actively to keep his marriage going by investing in their emotional rapport?

user2848502016 · 27/11/2024 08:52

Urgh tell him not to come home! He sounds really immature.
This isn't what all couples do, DH travels for work and I've never even thought of sending him nudes, and thankfully he's never sent me one either!

Skyrainlight · 27/11/2024 09:24

I have never sent my husband a nude. Your husband sounds awful. Sorry, I hope things get better. x

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