Request from DH

[Ducksinarow876]

Dh and I are not in great place. Long story but the stresses of 2 full time jobs, 2 young children means we don't get a lot of time together and we definitely take things for granted etc. There's some other stuff as well but that's the overall reason

Dh is currently away at the moment with a friend. He moans I don't put enough effort into the relationship. He has a much higher sex drive than I do and this has always been an issue.

We had a quick call as he is away and has just complained I obviously don't midd hin as I've not sent him anything, meaning I've ot sent him any nudes pictures of me. It's a regular request when he is away (or even just at work) he thinks that sending stuff will help improve things

I'm just not interested. The evenings he has been away has been full of sorting the house, tidying up, finishing some work and enjoying an early night yo myself.

He seems to think this is a usual request all couples do. I've said they might but it's not what I routinely think about and now he's sulking.

Don't send nude photos ever, it makes you extremely vulnerable.

Spot on!

Totally OK not to be into it. The OP's partner shouldn't be pestering her about it if she doesn't want to do it.

But it's hardly 'weird' for two people who find each other sexually attractive to be turned on by pictures of each other naked. If someone's partner loves looking at them in bed, why would it be 'weird' to love looking at a picture of them too?

Obviously plenty of people are too self-conscious, or too worried that they pictures will fall into the wrong hands, or aren't comfortable being looked at, or don't find their partner very visually appealing, or don't have a sex drive high enough to want, er, relief when they're apart from their partner, or any number of other things. That's fine; nobody should be doing anything they're not into.

But 'weird' is a hell of a stretch to describe something that's basically just about two people each enjoying the fact that their partner finds them sexy enough to want to have a little reminder of what they're missing when they're away.

Basically, it's neither weird to want to send nudes, nor is it weird not to want to send them.

Urgh. Why do men only focus on "I am not getting enough sex" and not on "Why does she not want to have more sex". Never considering that if they gave more out of the bedroom, we might give more in it.

If they thought about the latter, they would get more sex!

I recently split up with my partner of 5 years (didnt live together by choice) as he was a sex pest. I have a serious chest injury (will be months before it heals, bit like a broken rib or nose, cant be set you just have to wait) and he said "Oh send me a picture" I asked why and basically it came down to him wanting a picture of my tits. When I went nuts he sulked for weeks. Normally I would have chased him but this time I didnt, went on for 6 weeks before I got bored and dumped him.

I was in the bath once and he asked me to "send a pic" so I did. I am not sure that a picture of an empty bath really floated his boat. did this so many fucking times and he still didnt get it. Hence why I dumped him.

He's obviously thinking you should be sat there missing him and not knowing what to do with yourself. Make him feel wanted and let him feel part of your evening....

Send him a photo of your ironing pile or the kitchen floor that needs mopping.

It's not what couples "normally" do at all. Some couples may, but you shouldn't be made to feel badgered and pressured into doing something you don't want to do. Tell him to sod off.

I had a partner request naughty pics. I happily obliged. I googled nude pics from the internet, copied & sent. Stupid man didn't even know the boobs weren't mine until I pointed it out.

Never do this! Controlling and putting you in such a vulnerable position. What if yiu separate and he uses it against you? What if he loses his phone? Also, slightly more worryingly, is what on earth he thinks of women!

It is not something I would be interested in doing. If he could not remember what my naked body looks like, then I am not going to send a photo for him.

I think there are deeper issues here and better to uncover the issues together rather than send a nude.

Totally Valid:
The evenings he has been away has been full of sorting the house, tidying up, finishing some work and enjoying an early night yo myself.

He on the other hand sounds like an arse. Why would you send nude pics? You’re not a misguided 19 year old.

Does he want you to send the photos so he can get excited at knowing he's made you uncomfortable?
Does he do that in other ways?

I have never had a request for a nude pic from my husband (or anyone else for that matter) despite being away fairly frequently

My DH is in SA this week working. Shit job, 12-14 hour days, court appearances and then home on a 12hr flight on Sat night. He also asks for pictures. Of the dogs… they make him laugh. The kids also send pics of the dogs and jokey memes. No nudes. Not ever.

It's the inherent misogyny though isn't it. All the risk is with the woman if pictures get out - sextortion etc. It's just so thick to do it. We're trying to educate teens about the dangers of this, yet adults doing it. Beggars belief that anyone thinks this us ok. Naive or totally unaware of the dangers. Let alone his view towards women.

This would give me the ick. Eurgh what a grim fuck he actually is. How dare he sulk because you dont want to send him nude pics of yourself!

Hes a creep OP if your not gonna bin him off then you need to really tell him off. Hes actually disgusting

Ugh.

Real men don't ask for this. Especially from their partners who are home caring for their children. What an immature arsehole.

What exactly are his good qualities?

No one should ever request or expect you to send nudes, including your partner, if you don't want to.
I have sent them to my DH in the past because I wanted to and I trust him completely.
Him requesting you to is creepy AF.

That's why you only do it with someone you completely trust.

LTB because a man requested a naughty pic of his DW?

Ok then.

And I disagree with the general consensus.. I think a lot of couples exchange sexy photos regularly and willingly. You don't have to send a full frontal with your name and address on.

The issue here is that you don't want to and CBA. And that's your prerogative of course. But marriage takes work and effort sometimes and finding ways to keep the fires burning. Do not underestimate the importance of sex to men.

You only have to look at all the divorce and affair posts on here from women who did exactly that.

Oh, well done, @THisbackwithavengeance. You got in really quick with "Women cause divorces by not providing sex services to their husbands".

Further examination would show that men cause divorces by treating their wives like unsatisfactory sex slaves, instead of being the kind of husband women love to shag often and eagerly. But don't put yourself out.

@Garlicpest I hear what you're saying and I'm not suggesting she does something she actively doesn't want to do.

But sometimes you have to actively keep your sex life going as without that, you're just friends and coparents.

It's too easy to let it slide in the humdrum of housework, parenting and job.

But each to their own and if you'd rather get divorced or risk your DH finding someone else who IS interested in him then so be it.

We see this scenario all the time on MN where a couple haven't had sex or intimacy for months and then the DW is stunned and shocked cos the DH then gets it elsewhere.

Ugh

No chance. What a creep

Plus putting their wives happiness and equality in the marriage at the absolute bottom of their list of priorities.

The OP says they're struggling to have quality time together but he's managed to find time to go away with a friend while the OP is at home with their children.

The other obvious question would be what's the split between them for childcare, cleaning, laundry, cooking and general running around and household management?

In a lot of cases women would have more time and inclination for sex if they weren't constantly drowning in the lion's share of everything that needs to be done at home while their husbands relax after a hard day at work.

We have done this and it isn't unusual in our friend group, no faces ever though. However, you don't want to do it so that is the end of it. You should never be pressured and you have already said you aren't in a good place anyway so he should know better than to ask.