Would you have had another child?

[Annabella92]

Or a couple more children if your circumstances were different?

What would you need in your life to have had more children?

For me, simply more money. Bigger house. I would have liked at least one more. Its OK, but it would have been nice.

No, 2 is enough.

I know exactly what you mean. DS is 8 and DD is 4 and a half, and I just can't imagine those stressful times again. So many lovely memories! But I absolutely haven't forgotten the pacing of floors and sleepless nights teething, allergies...nappies! It's like life is finally evening out a bit, isn't it?

Yeah it's funny I am only mid 30s, completely technically possible for me to have another child, but I talk about it like it's an impossibility. For me the time to decide whether to have another was when we were in the throes of the pre school years, it is unfathomable to me to that we would consider it now, even if we won the lottery. My focus is on my teens, I don't think it's fair to transport them to that stage of life, it's a completely different family dynamic.

Have two - happy with two. I struggled with my mental health when mine were babies/toddlers and wouldn't go through it again, and that's before you even get to thinking about the cost of having three.

Absolutely, I think changing the family dynamic is also a big part of it, isn't it? DS is very chilled, but DD is quite a handful even at this age. I don't think she'd cope well, and I also know how tired it makes me. Physically I might also be a bit fucked, I had a bad delivery last time and hurt my tailbone and pelvis, so I'd worry about being able to do stuff with the older two if I damaged myself further. Plus the bedsharing and breastfeeding - tired and touched out me wouldn't be half as fun as rested and relaxed me.

I have two. I could probably afford another and part of me does like the idea of having three but I can't face being pregnant again, and I'm not sure I have the energy to parent three as well as I'd want to.

I think we'd have had another if we were 5 or 10 years younger. As it is we were 39 and 46 when DS was born and now with a 2 year old we don't have enough energy for newborn again or to have a newborn and a toddler!

We would have gone for another. We have 2 together, but my husband has two from a previous marriage, that although now are adults, were tweens when we met and hence still needed space in our house. We were also older when we met so although i was only 34 and 35 when we had our two, my husband was 40/41. If he didn't have other children and we had met in our 20's i think we would have had a 3rd. Thats a lot of 'ifs' though!

I have 2. I might have had more if I was younger, had a more supportive partner, had easier pregnancies and births. All of these 3 things are deal breakers on their own but together are very final.

If I had been 10 years younger I would like to have left a gap of 5 years and then had a third.

We have 2 and the finances to support more, and I breezed through pregnancy and childbirth, but DH had had the snip and I'm happy with our family size. I love the interaction between our dcs but we need to tag team a lot of the time to support different interests, and two children work perfectly with two adults. I like that they can access all the activities they are each interested in, without having to compromise. I find it quite a burden as it is to keep up with school reminders and tasks for activities, I would find it overwhelming with more than 2!

With more dcs we'd have to outsource a lot of domestic and household tasks but I'm not keen on that as I'm a very private person. Plus I like being very hands-on with the dcs (eg helping with homework, watching them while they do sports and music, doing bathtimes and bed). No amount of money can make you be in two places at once!

I have 2 and would love a third, but I was diagnosed with premature menopause when DC2 was 12 months, so no more babies. It breaks my heart that the choice has been taken away.

Yes. Have one and would have liked another but I'm a walking gynae/obstetric disaster area and it didn't happen.

We have three. Having them I confess was totally driven by my biological urges - DH already had a son, and we were broke.

Back then I would have loved to have kept on having babies - there's something about that total dependency and love from your tiny ones that is addictive. But I did have to get sensible at some point! We had no space and no money.

If we were in the position then that we are in now, I think we might have considered a 4th.

lol have you looked outside these days? - I wouldn't have a first one!

Wasn't sure I wanted DC at all, then would have been happy with one but we had two and I'm glad. But 100% wouldn't have had a third regardless of money, house etc.

I’m planning on only one, probably trying in the next year. To the point I would probably abort twins and try again (assuming it doesn’t take years and an absolute miracle for the pregnancy). It is purely about money and would have two if childcare was free, but as is I’ll already have to go back to work and baby into 8-6pm nursery five days a week at twenty weeks old.

Have one, would have liked three in an ideal world but it wasn't to be.

Met DH late, had DC1 at 38. We could have cracked on and had another DC but in the short window of time we had after DC arrived we were hit by a whirlwind of adverse life events.... A bereavement, massive MH problems and a cancer scare for DH, in-law issues of a pretty serious and destructive nature and a whole bucket of other things I won't go into. I just couldn't face bringing a newborn into all that. It didn't feel right. Sometimes it REALLY isn't the right time for a baby.

DC didn't sleep through until he was 2 and is objectively just not a very easy kid, although he is the light of my life and I thoroughly enjoy motherhood. I'm early 40s and now it's probably too late. I think in an ideal world we are a family that would have done really well with a 4 or 5 year age gap between kids to let the dust settle, even though I know it's not the done thing and people frown on it here. But nature just didn't give me time.

I'm in a grief/bargaining phase about my family size at the moment and going through periods of guilt and intense self loathing about the whole thing. but I'm sure it's possible to come out the other side with a mind-shift, and time...

Trying to look for silver linings!

We have three but will shortly be trying for number 4. I'd probably quite happily have 5, but we'll need a bigger family tent (and house, in time).

I have 2, I would have loved 3.

Finances no issue but decided against another for various reasons.

Bigger house.
Better family childcare options.

Yes - If I was younger (I had DC1 at 40 and DC2 at 44) and we had a spare bedroom I would have loved a third. I feel it would be too risky at my age to have another now, and two DC would have to share a room which wouldn't be fair.

I wish I had had children younger but never met anyone to have children with until I was 38.

We have 1. We didn’t plan on having any and so DS (2.5yrs) was a surprise (to put it lightly). Physically pregnancy was fine but I was very unwell with my mental health and I haven’t been right since. So I was even more surprised when I realised I wanted another once we had him! I’d love for him to have a sibling. However, finances, house size and no support nearby are key deciding factors in not having any more.

All our family live 3 hours away and our group of friends have all moved 1-2 hours away over the past year. We have no one to call on in an emergency except each other - no emergency contact at DS nursery as they insist it has to be someone local and there literally isn’t anyone, not even a neighbour. I constantly feel like I have to choose between my job (which we need for money and can’t afford to give up) or my son. I choose my son of course but then am stressed to hell about what I’ve left at work and what’s not getting done because I can’t work late and have gone to pick DS up and then it’s into teatime, bath and bed (and I’m in bed not long after!). I’m constantly feeling guilt because I get 2 hours a day with my toddler and he’s in nursery more than he’s with us. He’s also got more difficult as he’s got older (just a typical toddler) but my only time spent with him during the week is filled with tears and tantrums and timeouts. It’s mentally draining. I’d love to work part time and have quality time with him, but what we’d save on nursery fees is less than half of what I’d lose salary-wise so financially isn’t doable.

I think if we had support nearby - or a bigger house so family could come and stay more often - I’d reconsider. Family have all said if they were closer they’d have DS more to help us. But ultimately they don’t and that has decided it for me. DH would have another tomorrow. He’s a very hands on Dad so no criticisms there, but he has a demanding job and that means he works long hours and is constantly on call even on weekends. He doesn’t see the issues I see and hence why a lot of stuff and worries fall on me.

This!

I wouldn't want to go through pregnancy and birth again. I'm 35 nearly and I have a boy and a girl. I've been quite happy to stop at 2.
Strangely I really wanted a third after I had my 2nd, but I think it was the hormones because it soon wore off.

2 is manageable for me, 3 wouldn't be. I'd also probably have to quit work with 3 or get a nanny. I feel 2 is very managable

Totally agree. I get more me time too when DD is off on trips and sports camps.

Just have DS. To have another I'd have needed an easier pregnancy, to not have found labour and birth traumatic and then not to have had health problems a couple of years later that meant pregnancy was inadvisable until after surgery.

I'm ok with it - I feel sad sometimes, but DS is autistic and having another, younger, child would have made things more difficult.

Would have a shed load more if I won the lotto and could buy in cleaners, nannies to support, gardeners, personal trainers, cooks you name it.