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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have had another child?

137 replies

Annabella92 · 26/11/2024 09:24

Or a couple more children if your circumstances were different?

What would you need in your life to have had more children?

For me, simply more money. Bigger house. I would have liked at least one more. Its OK, but it would have been nice.

OP posts:
auberginepeel · 26/11/2024 10:52

Hmm it's interesting. I think if we'd had more money when ours were pre-school it's very likely we'd have had a third to have had a shot at raising both sexes. But now I have the hindsight of having teens I think that would have been misguided, my reasons for not having a 3rd now are less about finances and more about time, I really value hands on parenting, spending 1:1 time with them individually all of which would be much harder with 3, plus I just don't care about raising both sexes anymore because I value my kids for their personalities not their sex (or colour of their clothes, as I did a bit back then 😂).

Who knows when mine are adults I might have changed my mind again, but you just have to remember you make the right decision at the time and that's what matters, even if things change.

Silenus · 26/11/2024 10:54

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/11/2024 10:50

In an ideal world I would probably have wanted two. In the event I didn’t conceive my DD until I was nearly 39 and then within three years of her birth my marriage had disintegrated so it wasn’t on the cards.

To be honest I am now quite glad I didn’t have another: Supporting my DD as a single mum with no support was tough but manageable with one but would have been a nightmare with more. I was able to get my life back reasonably quickly without impacting my career and my DD and I are very close and I am able to afford things for her which would be off limits if I had two or three. So I am very happy with how things turned out and have never felt the lack of more children.

I suppose the only thing I would have liked is the difference you get between two children with the exact same gene pool. I have always found it fascinating that children with the same parents and the same upbringing can turn out to be so different and from the intellectual curiosity standpoint I would have liked to have seen how that worked out.

But obviously this isn’t a good reason to bring another child into the world and I am very happy with one.

I agree, actually. Also happy with my one, but you’re right, would be very interesting to see how different or similar a second child with the same parents turned out. I have four siblings, and we’re very different in some ways.

YearningForAWinteryWinter · 26/11/2024 10:55

If I had lots more money and bigger house, I wouldn't have wanted another though I wouldn't have been distraught if it happened.

Limbo2 · 26/11/2024 10:56

I would have liked 3 children but it took 6 years to conceive my first, I had 2 miscarriages and have had 2 C- Sections and both of my boys have additional needs, added to the fact I'm now 42 and my boys are 7 and 10 I think I'd be crazy to try for that 3rd, I'm happy where I am.

Maybe if the first had been conceived when we first started trying I might have had one more. I also have an adult stepdaughter and a grandchild so my family is full and busy enough

HappySquid · 26/11/2024 10:57

I have one but would have loved another. We have just given up on that dream as I have to go back on meds for a chronic health condition which I've not been able to take while TTC/pregnant and then TTC again. We have been trying for over 18 months for DC2 but it just hasn't happened - I am early 40s now so we were lucky to have one I think. If I had met DH earlier then we both would have liked 4 but that's just how it turned out!

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/11/2024 10:59

@Silenus

Its pretty mind-blowing isn’t it? That identical genes and environment produce such radically different outcomes. A testament to the power of the human soul. My sister and I are completely and utterly different from one another.

sunflowerblooms · 26/11/2024 11:00

I would have had 3 if I'd had a lot more money and not have to work and if I'd started earlier!

Ineedanewsofa · 26/11/2024 11:01

Possibly if I could have private healthcare all the way through so I could actually be treated like a human being rather than utterly dehumanising and traumatic pregnancy and birth I went through on the NHS.

WinterFollies · 26/11/2024 11:03

I would have liked at least one more - ideally lots more! - but I had my first at 31 and wasn't into the whole 'ooh look at me, I've got 3 under 3' crap so kind of ran out of time and energy. And money.

The good thing is that we've been able to afford lots of opportunities for the DC that we couldn't have done with more children, on our wages. We've been able to create a home that's happy and reasonably stress free because of the financial security of fewer children than i would have liked.

Didimum · 26/11/2024 11:05

Have 2, and no change in circumstances whatsoever could have made me want more. Maybe a lobotomy.

Blueskies3 · 26/11/2024 11:07

I wanted 3 for a few years, but am so happy we stuck with two. I feel I can give them enough. I love having two. My Dh also really didn’t want another, so I’m glad we didn’t.

NewNameNoelle · 26/11/2024 11:07

I’m happy with what I’ve got, and thankful that they are healthy and that I’m relatively unscathed after some complicated deliveries.

So an element of not chancing our luck, and an element of life already being complicated enough.

Honestly, I’m selfish, I enjoy having some time to myself and I am very worried about the risk to my physical and mental health.

Ohhbaby · 26/11/2024 11:07

Without a doubt!
We have 3. Youngest 6 months.
We will (Lord willing) be trying for our 4th someday, irrespective of finances.
But I wish we had more so that I didn't have to worry about the decision. If we had more money it would have been an easier, hassle free decision. We'd love to have 5 or even 6 and if finances weren't an issue we wouldn't have to work so hard to make it work.
I think that's why celebs like Angelina jolie and Blake lively have more kids, they can afford it, they can hire help it's just all around easier.

Windypinecones · 26/11/2024 11:07

Yes I probably would have had a third if we had had enough money for a bigger house in the same area.

Marscleo · 26/11/2024 11:08

Icantcarryher · 26/11/2024 09:43

I have two and a boy and a girl .

I adore them and I love / have loved the baby groups, the pram walks and the cuddles.

I find the constant neediness so draining and I’m stressed all the time ; I hate the broken nights and the mess and clutter and whinging and crying. The not being able to live a ‘normal’ existence - I mean I am normal but when I hear people chatting about strictly or Netflix and I can’t watch it I realise I’m so isolated in some ways.

But I do long for another. It won’t happen but I feel sad I won’t have another baby.

I feel the same, it is very strange!

Baneofmyexistence · 26/11/2024 11:08

I have three, twins with second pregnancy. I would have stopped at two but didn’t have the choice! Absolutely no more!

Goldbar · 26/11/2024 11:26

I would have liked 3 but we'll probably stick with 2. I find 2 easier then 1, because they "dilute" each other - it's hard to explain but I'm not their focus, I'm just the referee and that makes things much easier for me. I'm not sure how a third would slot into that picture though, and this "diluting" effect may just be my children's personalities. Some of my DC's friends seem to require a lot more parental input (and no, it's not the only children). A "needy" third child, for want of a better word, would make life quite difficult for us all, as I already feel the two I have don't always get enough attention although they rub along well enough.

I've also come across a couple of really outrageous instances lately of the older children in a family being used to take care of the younger ones. One teen being expected to do school pick up and make dinner everyday to save on after-school childcare costs. Although I'd never do that, I think in large families some part of the burden does fall on the older siblings. I'm uncomfortably aware that sometimes I do rely on my older one to entertain the younger one - they seem happy to play together but I'd hate that to become an expectation.

LimeYellow · 26/11/2024 11:27

steppemum · 26/11/2024 09:36

I have 3.
I would not have had more even in different circumstances

In fact I might have stuck at 2.

(not because of my youngest, just because....simpler)

Exactly the same for me!

Jazzjazzyjulez · 26/11/2024 11:30

Nope - one and done.

Have the money and resources but really don't want another one.

TeenGreenBottles · 26/11/2024 11:30

I have three. I stopped feeling a burning desire for more after my third, but if I had loads of money so we'd have a bigger house and garden, DH wouldn't work at all, I'd work a couple of days a week, we'd have cleaners every day, gardeners, people to outsource all maintenance to etc then I'd probably have a couple more.

So money, really. And enough money to effectively buy more time. But I'm very happy with what I have. Just that if I had celeb level money I can see why you keep having more.

Mischance · 26/11/2024 11:32

I had 3; always wanted 6. Threw in the towel after 3 because of the toll the pregnancies had taken on my body, my spine in particular.

WilmerFlintstone · 26/11/2024 11:33

I had 3 but if I'm brutally honest, that was one too many. I was only 22 with my first and the other two followed quite quickly which has probably influenced my opinion on it.

I was sterilized at 28 which I had to go abroad for. If I had my time again I'm not sure I'd have any. But that's just me, everybody is different.

GiddyRobin · 26/11/2024 11:33

Poppins21 · 26/11/2024 10:24

Yes the though of going back to the early years really doesn’t appeal now DD is an independent 10 year old.

Show quote history

I know exactly what you mean. DS is 8 and DD is 4 and a half, and I just can't imagine those stressful times again. So many lovely memories! But I absolutely haven't forgotten the pacing of floors and sleepless nights teething, allergies...nappies! It's like life is finally evening out a bit, isn't it?

mitogoshigg · 26/11/2024 11:34

Yes a would if I had met my now dh younger, our dc were adults when we met and if it was even 5 years earlier perhaps we could have (I'd have only been early 40's) but the time we had been together 3 years, bought a house etc it wasn't smart to even think about it

ChocolateTelephone · 26/11/2024 11:39

Currently pregnant with my second and absolutely confident it’s my last. We have the space for at least one more and could make the finances work but I’m done!

I hate being pregnant and it has caused me some fairly serious health issues which means I wouldn’t put myself through another pregnancy. I also find the baby stage very hard and unrewarding. If I could have the kids handed to me at about 18 months (when they get good imo) I might consider more, but I’m not up for making any more myself or raising any babies after this one.

I also think I will be a much better mother to two than I would be to three in terms of my own patience, mental health and emotional resources.