Unhealthy lifestyle but can't change

[mollydol]

Really fed up with myself. I know I have to improve my diet and lifestyle but I'm just struggling to know where to begin.

My diet is rubbish. I eat big portions and don't get enough nutritional stuff. A typical day is cereal bar for breakfast, sandwich for lunch and something carb heavy for dinner. I drink 2-3 coffees and snack on crisps and chocolate. Takeaway at the weekend. I don't exercise at all and have a sedentary job. I drink most nights of the week, not to excess but it's becoming a habit I struggle to break because life is such a slog I just relish that downtime in the evening. People say find something else to do that you enjoy but the sad fact is, I enjoy having a gin and tonic and sitting in front of the TV.

I have young dc and between them, work and house stuff there is very little time for the gym and classes and even if there was, my motivation is zero.

I keep promising myself I will make small changes. Quit the booze. Get up early and do a YouTube workout. Try and stick within a calorie deficit. I just can't stick to any of it.

My dh is supportive but we are in a rut together and have no help. I'm nearly 40 and well aware that I need to start future proofing my body and taking better care of myself.

I've had periods in the past (before my second child) where I managed to stick to healthier diets and exercised a bit more often (still actively hated it most of the time) but at this point in my life I'm just totally spent. I feel very down on myself.

Had two glasses of wine with my Sunday lunch and felt great at the time. Now I'm laid in bed thinking I've done it again. Eaten and drank and left myself looking bloated and feeling shit.

Is anyone else in the same boat? How the hell do you overhaul your lifestyle when you don't want to but know you need to?

I read somewhere (probably rubbish) that men are more motivated by moving towards something and women are more motivated by moving away from something.

So rather than trying things and not keeping it up, get a piece of paper and write down habits or lifestyle you want to change on one side, and on the other write down THE CONSEQUENCES IF YOU KEEP DOING THE HABIT. I.e. all the negative things. Within those I am sure you will find things that motivate you.

Then the fun part of trying and experimenting to find your process of making habits stick.

She may like it but alcohol is a depressive and can cause all kinds of unwanted habits that you don't even know you have until you stop.

@babasaclover my therapy was nothing to do with drinking alcohol and I have never been an alcoholic, just someone who would often look forward to a glass of wine or two in the evening to unwind.

Once I'd had a certain amount of therapy I stopped wanting to drink alcohol so it was just a by product of the therapy not a goal of therapy.

Amazing I might try and get some therapy for positivity and yes as a side effect cut the alcohol I have private healthcare through work so it wouldn't cost anything. Got to be worth a chance to get the motivation back every day not just some days.

You know what? I wouldn't start with your diet. Food is so much more than just fuel - if it were only that, we could all eat half a loaf of wholemeal bread, a bag of nuts, 2 apples a day and be done with it. It's a psychological comfort. And it can be really hard to remove that comfort. So, eat what you are currently eating for now, but...

INTRODUCE EXERCISE INTO YOUR DAY.

Get up half an hour earlier every morning and go for a very brisk walk. A power walk. Listen to hype music or a funny/engaging podcast to help you along. Doing it in the morning means that:

1. Your metabolism is raised for the whole day
2. You won't be too tired/busy to do it in the evening.

Do this for 4 weeks and I can promise you, you will feel better, and you may even look a bit slimmer - your muscles will develop even if you haven't yet lost any weight.

After the four weeks are up, keep doing your morning half an hour, but now alternate 30 seconds of jogging with 30 seconds of walking. Keep doing this until you can jog for longer periods. It's very hard at first but you'll be surprised how fast it gets easier. And runners high is a real thing. You'll be happy and jolly for the rest of the morning.

By this point you will be losing weight and you will feel happier and have more energy as your cardiovascular system strengthens. At this point, you'll be in the right frame of mind so start slowly making dietary changes (I suggest you start with a proper breakfast not just a cereal bar).

I lost 3.5 stone this way in my late 30s and now well into my 50s I run every day, weigh less than 9.5 stone and feel....fucking amazing, tbh. And I was never a sporty person. So if a lazy mare like me can do it, you definitely can.

Go for it sister!!

I would say out of everything, the alcohol is jumping out at me as the thing that needs to change first. Sure a G&T ( particularly if diet tonic) doesn't have many calories, but drinking most nights of the week is a worrying sign and indicates a dependency to alcohol.

Apart from anything else it normalises alcohol on all occasions. I found it a bit sad that OP had two large glasses of wine at lunchtime when she has young DCs that presumably want to do things with her on a Sunday afternoon. (Sorry OP as I know it's this behaviour you want to change).

Having at least 2-3 alcohol free evenings per week can only be a good thing for many reasons.

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something like this - I had 3kg, 4kg and 5kg which was fine for around 6-8 months. I then got a pair of 8kg dumbbells. I got into resistance training so lift heavier in the gym but I can still do a worthwhile work out with them now.

It was great as I did body pump on YouTube whilst my baby slept / over my lunch when I went back.

Yes i was the same OP.

Look into weight training, find a SGPT (small group PT) gym that focuses on it - its quite literally changed my life.

I go 3 x a week 7am before work, OH works from home so he gets the 3 kids up and ready for school on these days.

Ive made strong friendships, gained huge amounts of confidence and in 6 months ive lifted weights i never could have imagined.

My first session I was almost in tears, felt sick with nerves. I had never been to a gym in my life, was so fucking lazy, i have changed my diet, lost a stone and toned up.

Change your mindest, its not about having to do it its that you get to do it, others dont have that luxury.

you sound like a good mum. reference the food, maybe also think in terms of it improving your kids lifestyles and the food they eat and will get used to eating for life. ie this isnt just about your healthy eating

Sunday afternoon/evening is generally our chill time. We have jam packed weekdays and Saturdays. Sunday morning we are always up and out early and by the time we get in it's a real luxury just to sit in front of a movie and have a nice Sunday lunch.

And as a pp said - I've began to associate food and drink with comfort. Sunday afternoon indicates warm, snuggly times in front of the fire. It also indicates a big Sunday lunch and a couple of glasses of wine to relax. I look forward to these things and it's become habitual that I do them.

It definitely is about breaking cycles and changing thought processes which is hard.

Got up this morning and had yogurt, granola and strawberries along with my vitamins. I'm having a few health issues with my stomach/bottom at the moment (sorry TMI) so am really trying to think of the long term health benefits here too.

Interesting re alcohol - countries which have the highest consumption, so France, Russia, I think Poland but not sure don’t also suffer with the highest obesity rates. So alcohol consumption and obesity/weight gain doesn’t actually go hand in hand. Think of alcoholics who tend to be thin, not obese. Its believed that the weight gain comes from the foods alcohol makes you crave and the poor food choices you make whilst you drink.

This is certainly true for me - once I’ve had a glass of wine I start raiding the cupboards!

47% of French are overweight, 17% obese. Obesity rates among the young have quadrupled in the past decade.

Russia & to a lesser extent Poland still have major issues with rural poverty where people don't have access to the kinds of food that make you fat. The Poles love their cakes though, and are starting to get fatter.

I'd say a big difference is that women drinking a lot is still taboo in the countries you mention, in areas that are more socially conservative than most of the UK. So that could be contributing to the differences you mention.

The problem isn't you - well, it is but it not your rational mind.

Whilst our logical, conscious mind looks at long-term cause and effect and creates nuanced strategies for happiness, our subconscious is more concerned with the immediate pleasure/pain of the current situation. It will make choices for us based on the instant fix rather than the long-term gains; hence why so many of us will reach for the chocolate or wine knowing full well it should have been the apple and the water.

Just to add to the mix, our subconscious will attempt to talk us out of any action that results in immediate discomfort in favour of the quick and easy option.

Imagine if you were up to your knees in mud. The conscious sees the dry ground just a few paces away and recognises the value of wading through the mud. Your subconscious is simply looking down at your feet perceiving only two options: stay here or wade through mud. Of the two, staying here seems the least effort.

When you decide to abstain from the substance or activity that gave you short-term pleasure and comfort, there is going be a period of discomfort while your subconscious finds the dry ground!!

Start by not buying the cereal bars. Make sure you have other food in that would be a healthier breakfast.

Once you have that going choose something else that you aren’t going to buy anymore and think of a healthier substitute. So no more chocolate, buy (or make, dead easy and dirt cheap) unsweetened popcorn.

in the meantime plate your meals onto smaller plates and eat slower, change your fork to the other hand!

Not sure about the others, but France and Russia both have a fair number of overweight people.

I think it’s probably connected to the type of food available - so if you drink a lot but only have access to vegetables and meat, you’re not going to pile on the pounds in the same way as if you have access to a cupboard full of biscuits.

Re lunches, can you make a vat of healthy soup on a Sunday, reheat some a few mornings a week - I have one of these and it keeps it properly hot for 10 hours, as long as you fill with boiling water when you are heating the soup.
Make sure it has plenty of pulses in for protein I can give you some recipes if you need!

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Also things like wholemeal bap with a healthy filling like tuna mayo (the low fat mayo v good) or chicken salad etc

If you have to buy from a shop at lunchtime then it's easy as calories/fat are on everything. Low fat hummus/pita/crudites and salad is good too and portable

Did anyone watch panorama, this week, about binge drinking? The consultant said in women,2 large glasses of wine counts as a binge, and is more dangerous than evening out that amount over 3/4. The journalist doing the program,31, had a liver function test, came out as 10.2, normal range is under 4. 12 is cirrosis! She cannot drink alcohol again.

I haven't seen it but it wouldn't surprise me - alcohol is so normalised in this country as a way to de-stress, or socialise, or relax - it's no wonder so many people have issues.

I know that's a really unpopular view on here though!

Think about changing what you eat not how much you eat. I used to be the same and see eating better as eating less but then had a lightbulb moment and changed.

I don’t ever think about how much food I’ve consumed in a day, I just think about the ingredients and if it’s good for my body.

eat porridge with frozen berries and nuts/seeds with a drizzle of honey for breakfast or something like a breakfast burrito which is scrambled egg and things like mushrooms, peppers, spinach etc topped with some grated cheese in a wrap.

Buy yourself a big water bottle and set yourself a timer for every half an hour to make sure you are drinking enough.

pack yourself a snack box to take out with you in the day whether that’s work or just out and about. Have things like cucumber, carrot, pepper sticks with a little pot of hummus, Cubes of cheese, boiled eggs, nuts etc and if every you get a pang of hunger you have something to get to straight away to save you having something naughty.

it’s all about one small change at a time. Once they become part of your normal daily routine you can move on to the next small change.

I am very anti granola and things like oats in general. They contain so much energy, a small amount of oats added to the diet of livestock will see weight gain in enormous animals like horses or cows. Cereal is just as bad.

Instead try having protein and low carb at breakfast, you can eat vegetables in the morning it's fine.

If when you wake up you eat a high energy, carb heavy food, your body will experience a spike in blood sugar, as this rapidly drops off your body will produce a bunch of chemicals that make you hungry again. And signal to you that you want more carb heavy sugar heavy food. Carbs and sugar are basically the same thing. Try to keep to brown rice brown bread etc and if possible keep carbs to your evening meal. It doesn't work for everybody but I know for myself that eating that type of food in the morning makes me starving and miserable all day. It effects my mood and my stomach too.

I totally get where you are coming from. I am nearing 40, am overweight and was very unfit. I started to make changes at the beginning of this year and am feeling so much better.

Like others, I started small. I decided to try intermittent fasting. Not changing what I was eating, but just shortening the amount of time I ate in. I literally started at 12 hours. So I could eat from 8am to 8pm but then could only have black coffee or water outside of that. Gradually I shortened the window and pretty soon I was doing 16/8 and now I do something more like 18/6 most days so only eat and drink anything that isn't black coffee or water between 1pm and 7pm. It has been surprisingly easy, I've shocked myself and the bonus is it automatically cut out the evening snacks and drinks. Without changing anything else I started to lose weight.

Then I found I wanted to start making better choices. Having fruit with lunch or more vegetables with my dinner. I noticed how much better I felt when I did that and how eating crap made me feel like crap. I am not perfect by any stretch, but I've lost over a stone without feeling deprived and will keep up this way of eating forever because of how it makes me feel.

I had done almost no exercise, so I started once or twice a week walking for an hour. I'd go out after dinner when DH was doing the kids' bedtime and would listen to a 1 hour podcast and just walk. The time goes quickly and I have started to view it as essential. I don't even think of it as exercise, I just tell myself it's "me time."

On the days I didn't walk, I started doing 15 minutes of yoga. Normally in the morning when DDs are having their breakfast I'll roll my mat out in the living room and commit to just 15 minutes of stretching.

It has built up and now I go to the gym a couple of times a week to lift weights but that didn't happen overnight. Start slowly, pick one or two things you can commit to and just keep doing them. One good habit leads to another.

In your position I'd get some nice elderflower tonic and have it in a lovely glass with a slice of lemon and lots of ice but no gin. Do that 5 times a week and allow yourself alcohol at weekends then notice how you feel.

Rome wasn't burnt in a day - you will get there....
You have fabulous positives in life. Can you think of a goal to focus on?

When I was losing weight one of the biggest positives was to be a more active parent, a mother able to do the fun things with the DCs rather than sitting on the side and carrying the bags - and especially to be a better role model for my daughter in that respect. So I would make active milestones to aim for eg go trampolining with DCs, go to the climbing park together, go cycling with them, rather than goals focused on my weight
It helped to be looking forward to that, rather than listening to the sugar monkey that was whispering in my ear 'youve earned this treat'

This was me 2 years ago. But I'm in my 50s. 3 stone overweight, very unfit, and sky high blood pressure. I've lost 2 dress sizes - blood pressure down - I'm much fitter.

I made a series of small incremental changes.

Cut down drinking - so not sitting in front of the telly with a glass (or 2 or 3) of wine, but would have a drink with a friend.

Started eating proper meals, I'd got in a habit of thinking ready meals were fine if I had a salad with them.

Bfast - porridge with fruit and nuts or eggs with sourdough.

Lunch - a soup of salad with lots of veg, protein - home made usually.

Dinner - protein, veg and a decent carb.

I joined a gym - I'm not a gym go-er, I don't like the gym. But I go 2 or 3 times a week to a weights class. I go in the morning before work - so it's done for the day.

I walk more - so instead of kidding myself I was walking to work every day when in realityI was making excuses to take the car - I gave up my car space.

It's 80/20 - I don't always make the gym, I still eat choc, we'll still split a bottle of wine sometimes.

80/20 is a good mix, works for me and UPF - cant cut them all out else would die of boredom when it came to food :)

Myself, I have one day a week where all bets are off and I eat and drink what I like, but Ive noticed the further Ive come, the less likelihood there is of me making a total pig of myself. My day is Saturday. So Im away out early, get home around 11am after being up since 5, and Im starving and its bacon rolls all round. Only white bread now kills me ( I love it, it hates me ) so its a rare day I will take that, preferring instead the wholemeal pitta, and as I said previously - I stuff it with salad cos Im only having the one where as before Id happily eat two rounds of bacon butties on white and might have then reached for a biscuit to finish the cuppa with.

And supper is pasta, Chinese, kebab, Indian , same as any other household , only I make it - some fantastic recipes online which are low cal, low fat but really really tasty. I just adjust the recipes I know and love, for an Indian , instead of sweating the onions down in Ghee or oil, I nuke them and if needing to be darkened - give them a wee spray of oil and bung them in the air fryer , I cook the spices out by adding just wee dashes of water - same with Chinese , if food starts to catch in the wok - water . But I will "treat' myself and have the samosa, the spring roll - air fried , where as a week day tea Id skip them

Saturday is the day we tend to go to the pub, its the day I will nibble on nuts or eat a bag of crisps or we go out for breakfast. Its just one day. One day where my usual rules dont count, Sunday I start again

Thats the thing, one meal, one day, wont make a difference, its what comes after. Take a day where you feel you have slipped and take that as a fuck it, and go back to how you were, then you wont see results. Take that day as an Opps, and draw a line , start again the following meal or day, you will get to where you want to be

I absolutely agree with this. Oats is not a good breakfast!