Unhealthy lifestyle but can't change

[mollydol]

Really fed up with myself. I know I have to improve my diet and lifestyle but I'm just struggling to know where to begin.

My diet is rubbish. I eat big portions and don't get enough nutritional stuff. A typical day is cereal bar for breakfast, sandwich for lunch and something carb heavy for dinner. I drink 2-3 coffees and snack on crisps and chocolate. Takeaway at the weekend. I don't exercise at all and have a sedentary job. I drink most nights of the week, not to excess but it's becoming a habit I struggle to break because life is such a slog I just relish that downtime in the evening. People say find something else to do that you enjoy but the sad fact is, I enjoy having a gin and tonic and sitting in front of the TV.

I have young dc and between them, work and house stuff there is very little time for the gym and classes and even if there was, my motivation is zero.

I keep promising myself I will make small changes. Quit the booze. Get up early and do a YouTube workout. Try and stick within a calorie deficit. I just can't stick to any of it.

My dh is supportive but we are in a rut together and have no help. I'm nearly 40 and well aware that I need to start future proofing my body and taking better care of myself.

I've had periods in the past (before my second child) where I managed to stick to healthier diets and exercised a bit more often (still actively hated it most of the time) but at this point in my life I'm just totally spent. I feel very down on myself.

Had two glasses of wine with my Sunday lunch and felt great at the time. Now I'm laid in bed thinking I've done it again. Eaten and drank and left myself looking bloated and feeling shit.

Is anyone else in the same boat? How the hell do you overhaul your lifestyle when you don't want to but know you need to?

Yes, you need to make changes but what is your goal? Fitness, health, figure?

I'll be honest OP, I love chocolate but I've had to cut it back to barely anything to lose the last few pounds. Yes, it's a bit joyless, but I love the feeling of fitting into my jeans more. That's easy to say though because I'm at the top of the mountain. You're at the very start. So yu need to work out what motivates you. Perhaps if you skip takeaways you could use the money for something you'd never normally buy due to cost or maybe set a number of units of alcohol per week and stick to that, whether its all in one day or a month.

You do need to be realistic though or yyou'll feel worse about yourself for no reason.

Realistically, I'm a size 12 and I don't exercise. I barely leave the house most days. Consequently I don't eat breakfast, I snack on rice cakes at lunch and eat low carb meals like salad, soup or curry without rice for dinner most nights and i literally drink 3 or 4 times a ear and even then that's only a few drinks. Thankfully dinner is always full of flavour but I know its most peoples idea of hell but for noe, whilst im not exercising, that is the cost of doing my best for my health. Obviously as my kids grow up I'd like to be way more active. My point is, this might be what your life needs to look likenif you have the expectation of a lifestyle overhaul. Otherwise just make smaller changes and feel good about them in their own right. A little of what you fancy and ditch the guilt. A walk without your phone for mindfulness, a takeaway from the noodle place instead of the Chinese, making a meal at the weekend with the mindset that you're going to enjoy it and it's a fun activity.

I do empathise. I literally can't make myself get an early night and I feel totally powerless about it, even though ots within my control and so I really beat myself up about it. Other times I decide I just won't feel bad about it. The actual bedtime result is still the same but I try not to berate myself. Try to find ways of doing things that make you happy.

I don't love cleaning but I do love to stick on some headphones and listen to an old show that I don't need to see the screen for so I do that while I clean and the kids are in bed or at the weekend while dh does something with them. It's never my first choice if I can read instead with some chocolate and a coffee but the hardest part is always making the decision to do the boring thing. It's why, when I am eventually back into my exercise regime, I book activities when I feel motivated so I can't just not show up when I feel knackered on the day. Can you try that? Book a few evening things to get out-of the house after a few drinks on a sunday when you feel upbeat so that you have to follow through on those plans on Tuesday and Thursday? Or perhaps book a local course?

I also recommend alcohol free gin! I love a gin and tonic but can’t drink much alcohol for health reasons and I’ve found 0% Tanqueray and Gordon’s to be very convincing. But I also love a nice tonic and fresh lime! It still provides the feeling of ritual / a treat for me without the alcohol.

Re eating, start small and achievable maybe? I used to eat buttered toast for breakfast (delicious but not filling), I switched to Greek yoghurt, blueberries and granola or nuts & honey. Filling, easy to put together and tastes like a blueberry muffin! Make sure you get Greek yoghurt though as it has far more protein and is more filling. It also has more fat but the low fat versions compensate with sugar so I’d avoid those.

I also recommend the ‘Roasting Tin’ cookbooks by Rukmini Iyer for easy, veg-packed dinners that are super simple to prepare.

On the exercise, what about starting with a lunchtime walk - through a park if you have one nearby - and maybe a Yoga with Adriene YouTube video before bed?

good luck OP x

I will prob get flamed for this, but op you want a short cut that works with zero effort?

Weight loss injections.

They are now trialling them to support those with alcohol dependency. Not only will your appetite be greatly reduced but also most can’t face alcohol either, you could nail both issues over night.

Once you have stopped, you can then start to add in healthy food and exercise. If you want a swift and instant plan this is probably it.

You don't have a lot of time so it's unrealistic to think that you will get up early or out in the evening to go to the gym or do you tube exercise videos.
Is there anyway you can build walking into your daily work routine? Get off the bus a couple of stops early and/or go out for a walk at lunchtime? Every little really helps and the fresh air and sunshine ( well maybe not at this time of year) should help you to feel more positive. Also invest in a good multivitamin and mineral tablet, your diet is probably lacking in important nutrients.

For me it's a mindset thing with exercise. This is how I approach the gym but the same could be said for youtube workout videos or walking or whatever.

I try to appreciate that, as I near middle age, I won't always be able to move my body with such relative ease and freedom from pain. I try to frame using my body and carving out that time for myself as a treat, a privalage that plenty don't have and is likely finite for me.
I remember the times when the kids were preschool aged and we were really in the trenches with it and even drinking a hot tea in peace felt like a rarity!
But now I get to have this regular bit of time for just me. To strengthen me, relax me, pour into me, make a better future for me.

This mindset is the difference between me doing battle with myself before every gym session (I'm too tired/too busy/can't be bothered) and me turning up consistently. Once you get consistency you see great results and that's very motivating too.

@TheAntisocialButterfly in fact that’s why I took up swimming - my weight on my knees was causing me pain, I couldn’t run, I couldn’t walk fast, I got out of breath cycling up aa hill - I felt ancient!

I have a lot of work still to do. But I am getting there.

It's amazing how powerful exercise can be for our physical and mental health!

But I get how it can feel tricky to change. I didn't move for about 3 years over COVID/post-COVID. It can feel really overwhelming and impossible to fit in.

Well done for making the changes !👏

Not flaming, but one of my concerns with weight loss injections is what happens once you have lost the weight and are no longer eligible to get them? You haven't learned new eating habits, just had your existing ones suppressed.

Plus OP may not be eligible. I am pretty fat but not fat enough ( yes I have been tempted )

I can totally see the point if someone is very heavy or has diabetes, but it sounds like the alcohol and lack of exercise are the fundamental issues here.

I agree with this.

Completely for weight loss injections alongside a healthy diet and increased movement for the morbidly obese etc but a healthy diet and exercise is about so much more than just weight loss.

It's getting good nutrition into you, building strong bones and muscles, keeping supple, maybe building social connections (in the gym or class or on a walk) and getting more fresh air/day light.

You could either do the lovely late great Michael Mosley ", just one thing". Or go all out, don't buy the junk and booze. You may well get a health scare at some point and think, blimey I've got to change. You want your kids to be healthy and sensible. How can being healthy be depravation, people in poorer areas eat cheaper hpf because it's cheap and filling. Start simply by walking, I have always had dogs,so there's no choice there, I wouldn't recommend getting one,walk someone else's, then you have no choice and it's free..I was nursing over 40 years, patients on the cardiac ward, telling me that they wished they had never smoked, stroke ward, people in their 30s, very overweight, diabetes,drugs (the men) booze.I always said I wished Jo public could come and do a shift,see their potential future, before it's too late..

What's your weight like, OP?
I very much understand that if you are not in the overweight category, switching to a "healthy diet" seems almost impossible!

Mindset is key. Take some time to think about the reasons why you aren’t allowing yourself to love yourself more. Exercise and healthy eating are the ultimate gift of love for ourselves. Take the time to give yourself these gifts - learn to exercise because you love your body, not because you hate it.

If you were told 10 push ups a day, or saying no to that piece of cake would give your loved ones a longer, healthier life, you would make yourself do it. Why can you not give yourself the same level of love?

There's truth to the statement "breakfast is the most important meal of the day". That doesn't mean you have to eat it, but just be mindful about what/ when you do (or don't) eat as it often sets the tone of the day. Sugary/ simple carbs set up cycles of glucose spikes and crashes. Eating something nutritionally dense with protein or fibre to keep you going all morning reduces snacking and craving later in the day.

With exercise I think you need to find something that you actually enjoy if you’re going to make it stick long term. Have you tried any sports? I took up tennis around 4 years ago and absolutely love it, I’m now playing singles and doubles matches in our club divisions. It does mean a lot of juggling our diaries as DH also plays sports, and some weeks we don’t see much of each other in the evenings as one of us is out at a match, but it’s worth it for us.

It is boring but I would really recommend using a tracking app like MyFitnessPal to track your food - you will start to see how what you eat adds up.

I have a two year old and work full time as well so feel your pain and am similarly a bit time poor but I walk 10,000 steps a day - would recommend building a lunchtime walk into your working day and I also go to the gym once DD is asleep. If you and husband are in a similar rut and want to get out of it, maybe you can help each other by giving each other the time to exercise so one night you do bedtime and that’s his night to go to the gym and vice versa. I think start small is the best thing you can do because otherwise it’s just overwhelming but if you can identify small changes and implement those, it all adds up. Ultimately though, you can’t outrun a bad diet so if you are time poor, focus on cooking a good nutritious meal first before trying to do a load of workouts.

I would try and ditch the carb heavy evening meal. Make something low carb and see how it goes from there.

Exercise doesn't have a big impact on your weight, many studies show this. Loosing weight would be mostly around changing your diet.

There's so much amazing advice and inspiration here. I'm so grateful and it's given me so much to think about.

Especially liked the post about seeing exercise as something that has to be done whether you're motivated or not - like washing and ironing!

I do think it's going to be hard to overhaul everything and baby steps are key. I need to be more focused, aware and prepared. If I meal plan or know what I'm eating day to day I'll be more in control.

My improvements for today are stating vitamins every morning and drinking 2L of water.

I am working today but will go to the supermarket at lunch and try and make some healthier choices for lunches for the rest of the week. Does anyone have any ideas? Bearing in mind I'm at work with no oven and very little space to prepare anything. Maybe a pre packaged salad and a packet or chicken or something?

Just to add...my dh is supportive and if I went to the gym or whatever be would totally be fine with looking after the dc. It's me who makes the choice not to go because once I'm home the idea of going back out just makes me feel bleh. At one point I'd go while my dc were in karate lessons as it was all within the leisure centre but to go off my own back when there's no other reason feels a bit beyond me at the moment.

Adding healthy stuff in is a very good idea. I think i associate health with deprivation and being miserable but it doesn't have to be like that i suppose.
Of course it doesn't have to be like that. I think once you change your mindset things will change.
Having a healthy lifestyle is the best gift you can give yourself and your family.

Well done on making a start!
Salad and chicken is great for a quick lunch.

I made changes this autumn as I’m now over 40, through menopause and quite frankly 4st heavier than I was at 30.
I convinced myself if I continue this way diabetes is a forgone conclusion and I don’t want to be overweight, feeling frumpy and unwell.

I make myself exercise 5 times a week and I do mean make myself. I never ever want to go but I am always glad I did it.
I took control of my eating, keeping foods as unprocessed and natural as possible, limiting myself to two coffees a day and ensuring I drink 2L minimum of water. I have lost over 1st in 5 weeks and feel more energetic.

Don’t start punishing yourself and go on a crazy calorie deficit, do habit layer - so start small and keep layering on other changes - not a drastic, unsustainable shift.

So add in some exercise, maybe find a new active hobby? Start cutting back on refined carbs and cutting out sugar. Maybe start ordering from Gusto or Hello Fresh (or similar) and commit to more homemade/home prepared food.

I’d really recommend t or reading to Andrew Jenkinson https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/B0CHFZPZCB?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

Also his book - why we eat too much.

Also Ultra-Processed People: The Definitive #1 Bestseller You Need to Understand Ultra-Processed Food

I really think it’s helpful to get your head around food and why you’ve developed these habits before launching into the latest diet or craze.

Dont try and make all the changes at once, because if you slip up its easy to get into 'fuck it, Ive failed already' attitude and stop trying all the other things
It takes at least 2 weeks for anything to become a habit. Coaching apps, accountability buddies, learning about your psychology helps.

Try and find what works in your day to day and where you can make changes
eg I started getting up 15 minutes earlier which seemed crazy when I felt fat and exhausted (and never properly rested due to snoring and early sleep apnoea symptoms). Used the extra time initally to make sure I sat down with no pressure/kids tasks etc and took time to make a breakfast just for me - drank a cup of tea, 2 glasses of water, and ate a breakfast of fruit, yoghurt and granola instead of sugary tea and toast fitted around sorting everyone else in the house out.

As this became a routine I started to do other things with my mornings eg make a lovely carb free lunch box (saves time, money and removes opportunities for less optimal choices/treats at work). Now I look forward to my peaceful morning time before anyone else is up, get up 30 mins before I used to, have breakfast, prep my lunch and do a stretch/hulahoop routine, often rise even earlier to fit in a 30 minute run before work. That seemed unachievable 2 years and 25 kilos ago (and would have been another crash and burn if I had made all the changes at once) but now its just a tweak to my routine.

Cab you treat yourself to a nice thermos and take heated soup in for lunch?

Lunches - I do carb free lunch and breakfast and then share whatever the family meal is in the evening as sitting down and having a meal with the kids is important to us.
My lunch is really simple - its at least 6 types of prepped fresh veg and fruit, as varied as possible, with one source of protein (eggs, meat, chicken, tofu) and usually a handful of nuts. I just make sure there are a variety of fresh things in the fridge and select them on the day, its quick to prep along with breakfast.

If you're buying a pre-made lunch from the supermarket as many of us do, I usually look for something with some veg in it, so a salad in preference to sandwiches.

I do find though that the supermarket salads tend to be low in calories and protein, so if you're getting a lunch deal then take something like chicken satay sticks as your snack.

My most important advice is not to drink your calories, I tend to avoid diet fizzy drinks as well as they screw up my body and make me feel shaky, so usually go for a fizzy water.