Unhealthy lifestyle but can't change

[mollydol]

Really fed up with myself. I know I have to improve my diet and lifestyle but I'm just struggling to know where to begin.

My diet is rubbish. I eat big portions and don't get enough nutritional stuff. A typical day is cereal bar for breakfast, sandwich for lunch and something carb heavy for dinner. I drink 2-3 coffees and snack on crisps and chocolate. Takeaway at the weekend. I don't exercise at all and have a sedentary job. I drink most nights of the week, not to excess but it's becoming a habit I struggle to break because life is such a slog I just relish that downtime in the evening. People say find something else to do that you enjoy but the sad fact is, I enjoy having a gin and tonic and sitting in front of the TV.

I have young dc and between them, work and house stuff there is very little time for the gym and classes and even if there was, my motivation is zero.

I keep promising myself I will make small changes. Quit the booze. Get up early and do a YouTube workout. Try and stick within a calorie deficit. I just can't stick to any of it.

My dh is supportive but we are in a rut together and have no help. I'm nearly 40 and well aware that I need to start future proofing my body and taking better care of myself.

I've had periods in the past (before my second child) where I managed to stick to healthier diets and exercised a bit more often (still actively hated it most of the time) but at this point in my life I'm just totally spent. I feel very down on myself.

Had two glasses of wine with my Sunday lunch and felt great at the time. Now I'm laid in bed thinking I've done it again. Eaten and drank and left myself looking bloated and feeling shit.

Is anyone else in the same boat? How the hell do you overhaul your lifestyle when you don't want to but know you need to?

Been reading through your posts in this thread. What I notice is that you seem very down on yourself in general. You describe your life as a slog and you have written a lot of "have to's".

I don't think shaming yourself into the person you want to be will work. You sound close to a burn out and restricting and punishing yourself will only make that worse.

Like a previous poster said, I think the trick is to add things in and not just nutrition-wise either. I think it's important to do more things you truly enjoy. You presumably had reasons for creating the life you live now, like starting a family to enjoy each other's time together?

Would it help if you all went for walks together? Perhaps you could start with one per week and see how that goes. I hate the gym too and instead pick sports I get some enjoyment out of. There are so many option and doing perhaps a team sport just an hour per week could make a huge difference already in the long run.

As for the rest, I think you need to be kinder to yourself.

As many have said, habit stacking is the way forward. I am going in the direction of @Anotherparkingthread and am inspired by her post. Really hoping I get there eventually get to the same stage. Exercise has become my non-negotiable. Not because I am motivated but because I just have to do it. I pay for a gym which includes group PT classes and the combination of not letting others down pls the cost means I would go when I didn't want to. I am now addicted to the great feeling I have after a good workout which also makes me go more.

My diet is still shifting more gradually - I aim to bulk up my meals with lots of veggies so there is less space for the unhealthy stuff but avoid limiting myself. I still have days where I don't eat so well but would say I am around 70/30 now so eating well more and more. Big thing with habit stacking is that my gym now continues regardless of how well I have eaten because that is my lifestyle change, not a body transformation. I am not ready for calorie counting or tracking macros and I know if I were to try, I would end up saying screw it and eating more junk than now. So I am just focusing on my small changes for the moment and will expand when I am ready

Before I do any more with food, I want to add in some meditation or mindfulness - I am quite highly strung and stressed and believe committing to this regularly will have a bigger impact on me

This was how I felt about 2 years ago. I’d put on weight and I hated myself. I decided that the things I wanted (to lose weight, be fit, eat healthy food) just weren’t going to happen for me. Then one day, sat eating a Domino’s, I realised I’d had enough. I knew it would be too hard to change everything/anything at once so I decided I wasn’t going to change anything, I was going to start actually monitoring what I was eating to get a better idea of where it was all going wrong. That wasn’t scary or hard, I’d just download a food app and start monitoring it. Then I decided I needed to know what I was dealing with(!), so I bought some weighing scales and now, 2yrs later, I’ve lost about 10-12kg, I’m fit (I have visible muscles!) and strong, I feel so, so much better in every way. It is possible and it wasn’t awful, I did everything one step at a time. I will share some of the things I did in case they help:

• I mainly used MyFitnessPal to record intake and goals (mindful that calories are not the be all and end all but a good place to start for me)
• I started meal planning (well actually, I bought recipe books Pinch of Nom, Joe Wicks, So Good, anything with good recipes and nutritional information), I also use Gousto and go with the <500 calorie meals
• I prepped meals like overnight oats, no thinking in the morning
• I bought nice exercise clothes and I put them on in the morning - that sounds silly but it means I’m ready to exercise and it changes my mindset, even if it’s just a walk I don’t need to change my clothes! This is obviously work dependent!
• I joined a gym, I was never going to exercise on my own, although I told myself for years I didn’t have the time for the gym. I do, everyone does, we can all fit in 30 minutes for a spin class, it’s a choice. I HAVE to book classes, it’s like an appointment, I won’t miss it if I book it.
• I started weight-based classes - these have changed my body more than anything else
• If I’m pushed for time and I can’t cook, I get healthy lower calorie high protein ready meals. Needs must, and cheaper than a takeaway.

I still like sweets and treats and takeaways etc. but I try to have a bit of balance. I also try to give myself non-food based treats as well. Sticking solidly to this, I lost the weight in about 5 months. Now I’m less strict and I don’t monitor anything very much, I just try to pick the healthy option first and I exercise most days. That’s just my life now, and it’s one of the better habits to have! You can do it, one thing at a time. Just think, you could be feeling like a completely different person in a few short months and you’ll be so glad you did this for yourself (that’s how I feel anyhow).

@HardenYourHeart I am very down on myself. I feel shit about myself and I'm annoyed about my inability to implement or stick to anything that I know would improve things. So many people on this thread can and have done it, so why can't I!

I am very lucky to have two lovely kids, a dh, a nice home and a job but life is hectic. We have no help with dc and I just feel like I have no time to myself other than when the dc are in bed by which point I am utterly knackered.

I do need to be kinder to myself. I'm just pissed off with myself that I keep choosing the same habits even when I've told myself I wont. As a pp said, I am using food and booze for comfort and it's taken its toll on me. But I'm also very reluctant to give those comforts up.

Don’t tackle it all at once. Start with one new habit

1. a healthy breakfast eg eggs on brown toast. Or porridge
2. making a balanced dinner
3. joining an evening class eg yoga or Zumba. Do a trial to check you enjoy it and don’t keep going if you don’t feel some boost from it

Don't give up your comforts, but also add enjoyable things to your life. Go over everything you think you need to do. I am betting there are quite a few thing where you can slacken your standards and create some time for yourself to persue a hobby or to just rest, which can also be rejuvenating.

It's really hard, life is tiring! And if you don't enjoy 'healthy' food and exercise it just feels like another chore.
I don't think G&T is particularly high calorie? (at least compared to wine for example) - though ignore me if I'm wrong!
I'm like you with regards to exercise, I hate the idea of going out to the gym etc. I try to walk as much as possible when I go places (park further away or walk entirely). If you're watching a few hours of TV in the evening, maybe try to do some 'sofa exercise' while you watch for the first 30 minutes and then relax after? Something like squats?
Big portions are soo hard to get out of the habit of, my husband works out a lot but serves me the same portions as him (he cook most of our meals) - so even though we eat a lot of veg, the portion is just too much for me as I'm more sedentary.
Try slowly decreasing your portion size - because your stomach gets used to portion size and will feel hungry according to that, so it takes a while to reduce it without feeling really hungry.
If lunch is a difficult meal because of your work kitchen then maybe try to focus on improving dinner first?
Small and manageable is the only way.

The quick and easy way to deal with portion size is to use a smaller plate. It’s amazing how quickly you get used to eating less of the same food you would have anyway

Being overweight, always slightly hungover and lacking energy is also hard. It's a question of choosing your hard.

I lost quite a lot of weight last year by cutting out sugar and most carbs. Sadly a bit has sneaked back on as there are carbs everywhere, but focusing on one of two things made it easy to follow. I actually reduced my exercise - I was doing things like Zumba which are fine if you want to dance around a bit, but time consuming to fit in - and focused on making sure I walked 10000 steps a day and did some weights each week. It wasn't even that tough to stick to as I felt so well and my tummy became lovely and flat.

Agree that little steps are the way to start.

Make it harder to make unhealthy choices. So chuck out any snacks and booze. Fill your cupboards with healthy alternatives. Start batch cooking healthy things (veggie chillis etc) to give yourself a kickstart.
So if you want wine - you'll have to go and get it. If you want a cheese and ham toastie... you've got to go to the shop again

This is interesting, as you don't sound very happy now! If you felt healthier, you would likely feel much better!

As others say don't try and change everything at once, but it would be helpful to make a list of things you would like to change and do them gradually.

I'm sure we have all been in this situation with young children, I know I was! But I did get myself out of it and these are my top tips

• Don't buy crap food, or if you do make sure it's stuff that is about 100 cals or less, eg mini chocolate bars, freddos, bags of mini cookies/party ring etc, ice lollies like mini magnums or fabs or whatever you like that is around that. Then let yourself have a treat but when you do it's 100 calories not 300
• Devise some healthy breakfasts eg eggs on wholegrain toast, 0% greek yoghurt with fruit (frozen is good, defrosts in no time in microwave) and a bit of something crunchy like sugar free granola and some honey, omelette, porridge, google breakfast muffins and cottage cheese pancakes, these are great.
• Make a big pot of healthy soup and have some for lunch a few days a week, lentils, veg etc.
• Weigh things so you know what a portion size is.
• Eat healthier snacks, nuts are good but in small quantities
• Add veg and/or salad to each meal, have a bit less of everything else and a bit more of these.
• Do it together, support each other!

Re exercise, if your dh is supportive you can tag team on this, sign up to something one evening a week or just go for a bike ride or a walk (appreciate not so good at this time of year). If you get into a class you are more likely to go! He can do the same.

If it's not doable in the week, do at weekends.

Take the dcs out for walks, chuck balls with them, run around. Play tennis or basket ball or whatever with them. Walk places where you can, walk a bit faster. Cycle where you can too if cycling's your thing. Walk up the stairs don't take the lift. This sort of ambient exercise is really important.

Drinking - nothing wrong with a G&T to relax, don't beat yourself up about that! But don't keep going. I actually find a cbd drink is just as relaxing if I have had a hard day! (and they don't make you stoned or out of control) the goodrays ones are delicious.

I used to feel like this, I'd also feel upset and almost hard done by if I didn't get something, it was like I was owed it. I wanted to have my cake but not the consequences of having eaten it.

I think yoga helped me with cravings and a lot of food noise. A mistake a lot of people make when embarking on a new diet or lifestyle is adding lots of new foods while still buying all the old stuff as well, picking up anything that from the shop that is diet, or law fat, or sugar free etc and then making meal plans and centring a lot more mental energy around food. This is actually not very good for you, it can lead to disordered eating and obsessing over what you can / can't have. It puts more focus on the food so if you have a craving you're more likely to have the thought repeat louder and louder. As well as emotional reactions to it like being upset you can't have it, debating if you can fit the thing in your diet etc, bargaining like swapping out something else for the thing you now fancy. also, planning snacks and meals every day for a week can be exhausting.
I tend to find instead of obsessing over all the different things, I find a few things I like and stick to them / rotate them. So for example I might have miso soup and omelette with a side salad 3 nights in the same week for my dinner. This is fine and suits me well, it's low cal, quick, cheap, easy and I like it. Taking the pressure off of having to constantly find new diet foods and being inventive with food is really really important. Setting yourself up to win by having low calorie food options is important too, but you don't need to have millions of different ones. Most slim people don't have this food noise, or as much of it. you want to try and quieten it down and spend less time engaging with these thoughts and cravings. You need to move the focus away from food and have less of your day and headspace revolve around it.

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@@mollydol did your day go? Did you manage a good lunch?

A little shout out to you from me because I went to the gym in lunchtime today which I haven't managed to do for months. Let's work together and make those small changes 👌

Just waiting for my daughter's dance class and trying to resist the urge when I get home to open the wine

Well I had a tuna salad and apple for lunch and I also got some Greek yoghurt, granola and strawberries for breakfasts this week.

However I've come home starving and eaten a packet of mini cheddars so a day or two halves I suppose! No booze tonight and I've managed to have the best part of 2L of water.

I did a little at home workout while baby slept today (HIIT class on YouTube) and ate quite well. Plus no booze.

Hopefully the momentum continues for us all. Little changes!

Make sure you’re eating big enough portions so you don’t get hungry. Did you have a whole tin of tuna? I have massive meals (honestly, really big) so I don’t snack.

Don’t buy 0% fat yogurt! Full fat everything. And don’t buy snacks in your next shop. If they’re not there you can’t eat them :)

That doesn't sound like a lot of food. You need to make sure you're eating decent portions still.

When I first started I got a set of dumbbells from Facebook market place and did lunchtime workouts on YouTube.

Maybe start with therapy. This is what worked for me to be able to stop craving alcohol. It might be expensive but if it helps you stop expensive and unhealthy habits it can pay for itself!

Lots of people engage in numbing behaviours such as drinking and comfort eating and watching TV due to emotional causes.

Those habits have come on over years so of course they cant all be changed over night

When we say diet, we automatically think deprivation and if we feel we are being deprived, we wont stick to anything

I had kept my weight within a healthy range for years then life got mental, life was all about running around for other people, I stopped putting me around the top, and the CBA eating and drinking took over and I started piling it on and during the covid years, well everything got lost. It wasnt until 2022 that I finally took stock and decided to take back some control

Im still struggling with the bad habits but Ive got the weight off, slowly, around a pound a week, and Ive mostly kept it off ( Im fighting with 5lb at the moment that went on over birthday, house guests and holiday, got 2lb of it off )

Ive upped my veg intake. OMG everything I eat is now based around the veg lol. No matter what Im making - veg is going in. White bread, which was the basis of my diet for at least 2 years has had to go and now its wholemeal for the fibre content and its so rare that I eat that Ive swapped to wholemeal pitta - you shove in a hell of a lot of veg/salad in one of those bad boys :) Even if I fancy a bacon butty, whereas before I could inhale two rounds of white bread and butter with bacon, now one wholemeal pitta, packed with lettuce, rocket and tomatoes and bacon medallions fills me. And protein, protein at every meal and protein as snacks. Learning that a snack doesn't have to mean a biscuit or packet of crisps, it can be some slices of ham or chicken, a hard boiled egg

Meal planing has really helped. If I come in from work ready to eat a horse and there is nothing ready to grab, of course Im going to raid the biscuit barrel. So every week I make a couple of kilo of greek yoghurt, cook a few hard boiled eggs, cook up some chicken drumsticks and have them in the fridge

Depending on my mood I will make up a panful of lentil and spinach dhal, or a vat of vegetable soup or a tray of roasted veg. All keeps in the fridge, I tend to freeze half and get that out mid week. Soup is always there if my hunger isnt satisfied, the dhal - well truth be told I sometimes eat that for breakfast or a late night snack, and the roasted veg gets used on or in everything - quick cook pasta - stir the roasted veg in, a wee drop of chilli sauce and a grating of parmesan , a meal in its own.

Ive not yet wanted to join a gym. I know I "should" but my life is too busy and I live that far out of town I know I will any excuse to to have to drive out. So I walk, walk and now if there is no one about - jog a bit - walk at least five miles a day, at some speed , not a stroll, and I do park run when I can - I walk that as well and I walk fast enough that I come in within a few minutes of the slowest runner - so its exercise

For me its been a lot about sitting down to food that I know I will like and will not only just satisfy my hunger. In the past, having "diet food" had me giving up after 2 days. I dont like ryvita, I dont like fat free this and that. This way - cooking from scratch ( I make a very low calorie Chinese and Indian and a doner to die for ) I eat food that I look forward to so I dont feel like Im deprived and its working - slowly I grant you - but its working. Im not dieting,Im getting shot of bad habits

Another tip, when you quit drinking you will usually get sugar cravings. The sugars in alcohol are very veerryyyy addictive. That's because they are very easy for your body to process and store.

Put a load of mixed fruit in the fridge, just the pre cut stuff in a tray. When you really fancy a beer, wine, or a gin have the fruit and some fizzy water and the craving will stop. I don't suggest doing this forever but just the few couple of months as your body adjusts to the changes you're making.

I like the sound of this. But I'm not an alcoholic so don't want to be judged that way. Was your therapy treatment as a whole to include avoiding alcohol as opposed to being treated as an alcoholic?

What size dumbbells would you suggest for a starter?

Get rid of the booze OP. If you’re perpetually recovering from the night before (even if you’re not hungover) you will go for carbs meals and that will be what you crave.
Literally have a dry month, few drinks at Christmas, and dry January.
if you complete that you’ll be welll on your way.
if you have a wobble, ask yourself - when my kid has a hard day at university/ work am I going to say ‘never mind darling, down that bottle of red, that’ll make things better’
because that’s what you’re teaching them silently at the moment.
sorry if that’s harsh but it’s true, I’ve gone almost sober the past 12 months and it has changed my life.

keep the gin, it sounds like something you really like. But what change can you make for the rest of this week? Fruit and veg for every meal? A healthier breakfast? A daily walk - only needs to be ten minutes a day.