Daughter getting fat in school

[joey197860]

Teenage daughter has gained 22kg in new boarding school. No medical explanation for it and she's very happy, wrll integrated and academically excelling. School has a shop on site and girls have access to kitchen in the evenings. Daughter had major surgery last year and specifically should not eat sugar loaded food. What am I to do? I want to pull her from the school at the end of this term. The school is absolutely no help when I discussed this with them.

I'm presuming your talking about a English boarding school saying that no other country has such an obesity problem as the UK?

I know two bordering schools very well. Both only open kitchen for evening meals. Can't belive any private UK boarding school can offord to employ catering staff all hours. Both of my examples contracted catering. Evening meal is more like a supper. Lunch is hot meal and pudding.

Is that what your saying? Unlimited refectory all hours? Who pays for that? Your fees must be astronomical.

It's very common for kids weight to increase if they're away from home. If she's feeling homesick or sad or insecure, food is probably the easiest solution. She's presumably in an isolated place where she has little control over where she goes. So treats or food seen as contraband or just that it's available on site will lead of overeating I'd imagine. I hope her weight doesn't become a medical issue.
To be frank I don't agree with boarding school as I do feel like you're less able to help your child's problems if you don't see them daily or whatever. But that's not the point. If she's happy then I wouldn't concern myself too much.

I think she means the house kitchens- boarders normally have access to bread for toast and milk for drinks and own cereal and sometimes biscuits.

My daughter is well-loved, hard-working and very academic and ambitious but still developed eating problems. We can’t make assumptions with kids (I’m a child therapist too). But yes, good idea to get blood tests. Hope she’s ok.

I havent read the thread in its entirety, so apologies if this has already been mentioned.

What was her weight previously? If she has gone up from say 6.5 Stone to 9.5 stone and is tall than that is a whole different scenario than going from 17 to 20 stone.

Also are you very restrictive with food as a parent? Often this can cause teenagers to rebel and eat sugar as one example, when they know they aren't supposed to (been there, as well as living in a home where eating was very disordered.)

However any weight gain that is significant, should be looked into. Especially with a history of tumours.

Disregarding the emotional side of this (which I tend to think is the key) I'm surprised there is no follow-up from the surgery last year.

For such a major operation, I'd assume there were regular reviews with the specialist.

I'd also expect forewarning of weight gain if it was likely.

I'd also expect a teen to be able to control the eating of 'sugary foods' if they have been advised, after the surgery, to avoid them.

This is why I don't find a medical reason easy to accept because after such an operation it would be usual to consult the medics who did it, not a boarding school GP. (These are usually local GPs who do a stint at the school each week or less often.)

That would be nice, if the OP was simply caring.

100%. It’s the same with local authority care. If your home life is putting you at risk, or longer term damage, due to abuse (including emotional neglect/abuse), then care (and especially the care of a loving kinship carer or foster parent) is obviously a better option.

But, generally, it’s better for kids to live with their parents and (if necessary) the parent/s receive plenty of support to care for their children and prioritise their well-being. Few people are forced to have children. If you chose to have them, you should expect to raise them yourself and put their well-being first.

I was slim in boarding school and I put it down to the green apples. We had a fruit bowl and I always ate the apples and was teased but was pretty healthy and fit.

I would stock her room with a bowl of fruit, herbal teas, healthy snacks & enrol her in a sport so she’s too busy to snack.

I would also put together a ‘comfort box’ for her with nice magazines, books, letters from home so she has something else.

Maybe also a book on emotional eating and so forth or counselling ?

This is coinciding with surgery ? Could it be that she’s gone through an ordeal and comfort eating ?

The weight gain is totally excessive and the only explanation is free access to rubbish edibles.

This is such a simplistic statement.

If she's hard working and well adjusted @joey197860 why is your daughter free-loading on toast or whatever 'rubbish' every day? Especially as she's been advised (so you say) not to by doctors. And she's unhappy about weight gain.

Have you had a conversation with her about this?
Have you asked how the weight is being gained?
What eating habits have changed?
Why she's eating too much (if she is)?

How is moving her to another school, which will sell tuck and have access to snacks in the evening, going to solve this?

How is disrupting her education (again) going to help?

I’m not sure there would be regular reviews.

My eldest had major emergency, life-saving surgery at 16, which necessitated removal of part of an organ, and potential life-long impacts (which, thankfully, haven’t so far happened). It was extremely traumatic after the trauma of weeks of unexplained illness, weight loss and extreme pain. He had setbacks in recovering from the surgery.

Following discharge from hospital for the surgery, there wasn’t one follow up appointment. I was shocked and appalled and said surely there should be at least one follow up and was told no by the consultant. They didn’t even seem to consider the effects of the trauma.

The school doctor is usually a regular gp who runs a clinic at the school. As good or as bad as any other gp. We have 2 that come to school one man and one woman. They are linked to the local gp surgery and do blood tests etc same as normal.

Main difference is you can get an appointment usually the same week/within a few days and the appointments are a bit longer/less rushed.

Sorry to hear about that.
It does seem very off-hand.

OP has been asked this loads but keeps avoiding answering it for some reason

Have her periods stopped? Or has she had any vision changes? My DD had a massive weight gain (despite healthy eating and plenty of exercise) and it was down to a prolactinoma, a benign growth on the pituitary gland. It was missed by her pediatrician until I brought the missing periods to her attention. If your DD is uncomfortable talking about stuff like that with her doctor (my DD was) they may have missed it. A blood test showed the presence of the prolactin which was followed up with an MRI.

Fortunately my refusal to accept the doctor's lectures about healthy eating and exercise (both of which DD did) and going back for further evaluation meant that it was caught while it was still small. It is being treated by bi-weekly tablets which have shrunk it. DD may have to take them for life, but it is under control.

My cousin's DD had a similar growth and unfortunately only found out about it when it squashed her optic nerve causing temporary blindness. The growth was too large for drug treatment and she had surgery. Forunately she made a full recovery.

Ask for an endocrinologist referral. GP are generalists. To gain this much so quickly she would have to have been eating almost constantly - matron and house mistress would have picked up on this.

Could you write a detailed explanation of what sort of teenage girl you think takes the pill?

Careful OP. If you’re not careful then how will your daughter EVER find a husband.

Exactly what I was going to ask and whether she is on any steroid medication ?

Maybe seeing an endocrinologist might be beneficial. My friend had a pituitary gland tumour removed as a teenager and has had weight problems all her life due to the lack of hormones combined with steroids needed.

It sounds like her hormones may have been disrupted by the surgery. Is she on any replacements? Steroids in this context won't be affecting her weight; they're just replacing what her body should be producing. More likely she may have growth hormone or thyroid hormone deficiency if her anterior pituitary has been damaged; the former will make her put on weight on her body while her arms and legs remain stick-like. Also - a bit controversial but standard levothyrxine replacement for her thyroid may not be enough & she may need T3 therapy. But she needs blood tests for this. Is she complaining of being cold, and do her eyebrows look more sparse than normal? These are two things pointing to a thyroid issue.

I have a 12 inch lateral cut post hysterectomy. The surgery was incredibly draining and awful. I would want to keep an eye on the incision as it can easily herniate. More than 50% of midline incisions fail. And I cannot begin to talk about the mental health of someone, who’s been through this surgery. The gynaecologist told me it would take longer to recover from this surgery than open heart surgery.

Therefore I really don’t understand the reasoning behind sending her to a new boarding school when she could attend as a day student.

I agree and those questions are important but unfortunately I can't imagine the op handling any of those questions very sensitively.

Surely the school have a duty of care to the students???? Why aren't the encouraging a healthy diet?

This is a large amount of weight gain in a short period of time - I think you daughter needs to see a doctor.

Wegovy her in her sleep - oh no you can't as she doesn't live with you....