Daughter getting fat in school

[joey197860]

Teenage daughter has gained 22kg in new boarding school. No medical explanation for it and she's very happy, wrll integrated and academically excelling. School has a shop on site and girls have access to kitchen in the evenings. Daughter had major surgery last year and specifically should not eat sugar loaded food. What am I to do? I want to pull her from the school at the end of this term. The school is absolutely no help when I discussed this with them.

I’m guessing you’re dead set against boarding schools then ?

Well so far OP wont answer the following bits of information, even though other posters are posting as if she has told us where and what the tumours were about

Age of child
Height and weight
Type of boarding (so are all meals supplied during term time by school or is she home for weekends)
Where the tumour was, what type
What bloods were done prior to getting it removed, she will have had bloods done then
Whether still open to the surgical team for follow up or whether closed now as tumour has been removed
What the child thinks about the tumour, distressed, panicked, worried, or none of the above
Was it linked to any other illness or condition
What type of lifestyle she has at school, active or not

Was the tumour anywhere on her endocrine system? If so it may have affected her metabolism

OP is getting a lot of criticism here, which is a little unfair. I would definitely take her to the specialist who she saw. The school doctor is out of his depth here. What is her age, height and weight? Was she underweight before her surgery?

Your guess is way off the mark. I worked in them and have close friends with snr roles in excellent boarding schools.

Grow up

It’s not jumping to conclusions. Stated as fact in her previous thread. I’m in a similar position and having very limited mobility makes you more aware than most of just how few extra calories it takes to pile on weight, and the knock on effects. This could be feeding in to her concern about DD. If DD is overweight then it is a cause for concern. Obesity is a huge problem in the UK and is straining healthcare and benefits. OP is right to be concerned.

Send her to state school where the portions are meagre she will soon lose the weight. State school children who are fat only get fat at home.

at least you can control the home diet

She is. She needs to find out why the school are not supervising students in an appropriate way.

There are state boarding schools you don’t know she’s not already at one.

Why is she at boarding school in the first place?
Comfort eating is by far the most likely explanation. She must know how much she is eating and why but perhaps she can't talk openly to you. You could offer to find her a counsellor, or perhaps the school has one.

Oh dear. Are you sure she’s not pregnant? Very worrying thought I know. Maybe there’s a secret love affair and it’s all been very meaningful - not ‘that kind of girl’ at all, as you put it. She might be terrified of your reaction and that she’ll be judged so trying to hide it from you. If so I feel so sorry for her. I hope it’s not of course but if it is please please give her the benefit of the doubt. She’ll really need her mum.

If you were in OP's shoes, with the information we have about the surgery and the rate of the weight gain, would you be thinking "the school is making my DD fat" or would you be thinking "fuck I'm so worried DD is seriously ill"?

It may not be down to the school. Everything points to it being a medical concern, which OP is going to check out.

Id be really careful how you speak about this to your dd. Eating disorders and disordered eating is rife and the way you deal with this could literally determine dds relationship with food and herself for the rest of her life.
Im not saying dont get things checked out, but please be careful.
As they say - not every person that diets will end up with an ED, but everyone with an ED started with a diet...

What type of girl is that?

Exactly this.

Perhaps I'm judgy thinking the mother of publicly/privately educated children would be intelligent herself but she negates this by starting straight from "OMG there is no rhyme or reason for this". Posting on a forum rather than methodically working through the medical, physical, mental, emotional and pastoral issues that have been in play over the last year.

Plus the fecking awful "not that kind of girl" pearl clutching response provides another insight into OPs attitude and outlook.

And she may already have an ED, which is all the more reason to be careful and go softly.

Have you read the thread ? Boarding school isn’t the cause of all ills. DD has been boarding for several years and OP says she’s happy and well integrated. The fact that DD has had recent surgery to remove a hormone related tumour is by far the most likely explanation for the weight gain.

I agree with you. It would be the latter. I think OP was putting too much reliance on the school doctor’s view but I think she realizes this now.

OP is disabled and a single mother of three. Possibly there’s a reason for her thinking to be clouded a bit ? She says her other two children are looking forward to boarding school. Without prejudice, it’s uncommon for a disabled single mother to be able to afford boarding schools for three children. If there are bursaries involved there will be good reasons.

I have read the thread. I'm questioning how happy DD really is at boarding school and whether it is essential for her to be there. Children don't always speak openly to their parents even if they appear to. Maybe there is a hormonal reason for the weight gain but comfort eating is also a possibility.

I noticed that some posters mentioned other points they had discovered on the OP's other posts.

I'm afraid I did have a look and it's worried me. It's where another poster was worried about her badly behaved teens, just a few months ago.

OP your style of parenting is, in some ways, quite controlling in so much as the punishments you have given your children. Your posts don't paint a picture of an always very happy family, but where you were very 'brutal' (your own words) with punishments that some parents would consider excessive and going to make things worse.

Yet you say your home life is happy.

I fully get how awful teens can be! But it's possible your D is reacting to this and it's her way of rebelling.

It makes me see your D's eating in a very different way and say yet again that she may be unhappy and this is disordered eating.