To put my foot down not having houseguests at Christmas

[lyndmn]

DP and his parents have a strained relationship. They get on for the most part, but it always ends in bickering. It's draining. Fortunately they live a few hours away but unfortunately when we do see them they stay with us weeks on end and quite frankly I'm fed up with them after a few days.

They keep hinting to stay for Christmas as they have said DPs sister who they'd normally spend it with is having Christmas just her and her new husband. I categorically do not want this and I don't think DP does either but they are playing the lonely card etc pulling at his heart strings. AIBU for us both to put our foot down and have it just us and the kids? They will see them before Christmas and soon after I'm sure so it's not like they're missing out on time with the GC's.

How old are they?
If they only live a few hours away surely they don't need to stay for weeks on end.

Tell them you're just having a quiet, immediate family one too. Just like their DD. Or better still, get DP to tell them.

Goodness, yes. Of course you can have Christmas with just your DH and Dch. See your ILs before or after Christmas, or at least set a limit on how long they can stay - three days? Mark Twain wisely said that after two days, fish and visitors start to stink.

How many hours do they live from you?

Invite them to come for boxing day and the 27th, but say you've got other guests staying on the 28th so will need the space. Lay out clear boundaries and stick to them.

Well they won’t be alone, they have each other. If SIL can have Christmas without them so can you.

Why do they have to stay for weeks? That’s bizarre.

YANBU. Just tell them you’ll see them before Christmas and you’ll swap presents then as you’re just having a quiet day at home on the 25th.

I think it’s very mean of you. If your DH’s sister normally hosts them, I think your DH should take his turn. But not for weeks on end. Can’t they come just Christmas Day and Boxing Day, for example?

See them, but don’t have them stay for weeks on end. Tell them what days work and say the others don’t

Christmas just brings problem after problem and stress following stress. For many, not all and I wish it was bloody well banned at this stage.

I don't know what to say to you, but I know what I do. I get out of Dodge and go away. But that's not possible for everyone, so given that the atmosphere can be strained I'd get your DP to have them stay for a few nights before Christmas Eve and off they go. It's not Armageddon or the end of the world, they have each other, and you and your DP need YOUR time also.

Do you have any of your own family around and nearby? If so, what do they do.

I’d simply say they are welcome to stay between xx dates, that suit you.

You are being incredibly selfish. They’re his parents for god sake not Jane from two doors down.

Thanks all. They live about 4 hours away. Of course they like to see GC as much as possible. They normally just plan a weekend then seem to drag it on into the week and then the next weekend.

@Havalona my family are all very close by. My parents understand we all have our own lives with children now so we normally do a Boxing Day lunch instead. I have to say they are much more chilled than IL's

Why not invite them for Boxing Day lunch and a stay over that night.

Thanks, I appreciate the honesty. I think because since moving in 9 months ago with a very young baby we haven't had more than a month where they haven't been up to stay. I'd feel a lot more welcoming if we have more time apart from them. But it is Christmas I suppose.

I think it would be nice if you to take a turn if they normally go to SIL but obviously it’s up to you and your husband.

If you do invite them, I’d suggest a two day maximum and if they try to push boundaries then say that you understand if it is too much disruption for them for just a couple of days, and that you’re happy to wait and catch up in the new year,

They host her normally, we haven't had an invite to them. Although I think DP would decline that way round anyway as it's too cramped with the children too.

If they are 4 hours away then of course they want to see you all at xmas! I think its highly likely that things are strained because they stay so long. So a shorter visit, plan meticulously and make sure everyone has jobs allocated and and mucks in so the work doesnt just fall on you.I think ts lovely the way chinese families all sit down and have fun preparing for new year by making dumplings together. A christmas dinner version of that!

Either get your husband to sort this out, seeing as they’re his parents after all, or invite them but set boundaries. Then staying for weeks is bizzare. Let them come but say you are hosting friends on the 27th so they need to have left by then. They can’t complain at that. And if they do, they know where to go!

Could you organize accommodation for them close by-an Airbnb for two or three nights perhaps? Only if you can afford it, of course.

That would limit the length of their stay, unless they’re willing to pay to extend it.

Since having a really uncomfortable stay in an overcrowded house several years ago, when none of us slept well, we now cough up for a hotel when we visit DH’s family for Thanksgiving or Christmas. It’s so much easier and more fun for everyone.

Don't let that poster guilt trip you. If they have a strained relationship with your DP and they massively outstay their welcome, don't invite them as they will ruin your Christmas.

Just tell them that you are having a quiet Christmas and you will catch up at Easter when the weather is nicer.

I disagree about fish only lasting two days!!

This is too much on their part. You need to see them less

Before fridges, I bet they did! And we can't keep guests in the fridge. Sadly, in some cases.