To put my foot down not having houseguests at Christmas

[lyndmn]

DP and his parents have a strained relationship. They get on for the most part, but it always ends in bickering. It's draining. Fortunately they live a few hours away but unfortunately when we do see them they stay with us weeks on end and quite frankly I'm fed up with them after a few days.

They keep hinting to stay for Christmas as they have said DPs sister who they'd normally spend it with is having Christmas just her and her new husband. I categorically do not want this and I don't think DP does either but they are playing the lonely card etc pulling at his heart strings. AIBU for us both to put our foot down and have it just us and the kids? They will see them before Christmas and soon after I'm sure so it's not like they're missing out on time with the GC's.

I bet they'd leave sooner if they were paying for an Air BnB...

If they want to visit, they can stay in a B&B and visit on a set day. The rest of the time, they can amuse themselves.

Yanbu, foot down and if they get snippy tell them why your foot is down. "Because you get fretful and bicker like children and I have had enough of it"

Bloody hell, they've been to stay every month for 9 months and you have a new baby.

You've done your share and you deserve Christmas off and they need to get something going on in their own lives so they're not lonely.

Also - if they've been to yours 9 times in 9 months and want to see you at Christmas is it not their turn to invite you up and give you a nice break?

if you don't want them for days on end - just stipulate they can stay until the 26/27th and then you have other plans

other plans mean anything and you never lie or tell them other plans means diddly squat

@SweetSixty It's mad, isn't it. Some people don't seem to realize that having guests when you have a new baby is hard work, unless they're visiting to provide support!

Not as bad, but after DD was born, we had relative who'd come over every Saturday and stay for most of the day. They didn't seem to realize that providing lunch for them was just an extra hassle for us.... they never brought anything with them.

Remember you reap what you sow, don't go crying on Gransnet when your own kids ignore you over the festive period in years to come.

OK, schedule them in for a weekend, either the one before or after Christmas, and then say you're having a day out on the Monday with friends so they'll have to go. Be prepared to have to leave the house yourselves, wave goodbye, get in your car and drive round the block if needs be.

Indeed.

I’m surprised by a lot of the responses - but then @lyndmn you really should have put in your OP the fact they’ve been down to stay about every month recently and the fact they can’t seem to limit their stays to a couple of days.

I think you should say no too. It sounds highly dysfunctional and exhausting. You deserve to have a merry and peaceful Christmas.

And your baby is young now fair enough, but you don’t want to set a precedent for future Christmases where they’re just bickering away and your child is old enough to understand. Yes all families argue but this sounds a bit excessive.

What does your partner think? And is there no way he can make sure they leave on the date they’re supposed to next time and then maybe they could come for a few days before the new year?

Oh I see you did mention they overstay their welcome in your OP and stay for weeks.

My mistake.

No idea why so many posters think you should have them over for Christmas given the circumstances then.

Thanks all. I will speak to DP and make sure it's clear to them. We both would like a quiet one at home, just us. This will be our first Xmas in this house and also baby's first Xmas so I didn't think we were being unreasonable but it's good to hear other's opinions

Kat say you would love to have them stay 28 and 29 but you have other guests after that and it’s too much excitement for the kids.

I’m not guilting her into anything. The reality is they will soon not be able to do the journey and not long after that they will be dead. Life is very short.

It is very easy to be annoyed with people’s presence in the moment because you can’t be bothered with the hassle. You will feel enormous sadness when they are no longer around.

Just remember when your children are older with kids and they don’t want to spend Christmas Day with you don’t get upset .

But her in-laws don't want to spend Christmas Day with them, they have a history of massively overstaying@Tourmalines!

If you knew that guests were unlikely to leave when they originally agreed to and instead overstay by weeks, would you want them?

Her in-laws need to be respectful of other people's time and then they'd probably be welcome. I imagine that the OP and her DH are learning from their example and won't do this to their children in the future.

Not "we would like"......"We are having"

Yeah, but SIL usually has them for Christmas. @lyndmn when did they last get to spend Christmas Day with your children?

So difficult people must be pandered to in case they drop dead? We don't even know how old OP's ILs are.

This is the sort of ridiculous emotional blackmail that appears on every thread about difficult parents and in-laws.

Kids are all young but no I don't think they have spent it with the GC before because they are normally busy with SIL, and haven't actually mentioned it before this year. They would see GC before or after and we're always happy with that arrangement

Sorry @thepariscrimefiles they are early 60's

I completely agree and asked how old they were in the first post and the OP hasn't answered.

The OP has pandered to these parents (whatever their age) 9 times in 9 months so it's not as though she "can't be bothered with the hassle" as @Thepurplepig said....she's justifiably tired of catering for people who should rightly be either giving her a break or inviting her back so they can wait on her for a change.

Fuck me! I'm early 60s and
a) would hate to think I was imposing myself on anyone
b) would know that rocking up 9 times in 9 months to a house where they are looking after a new baby is rude, thoughtless and taking the mick.
c) I have my own life going on and don't look to other people 4 hours away to keep me from being lonely
d) Hope I'm not going to become incapable of travel any time soon and certainly have no plans to die in the next 20 years.

So hopefully not at death's door!

I hope you have a lovely quiet Christmas with your DH and your children.

OP, I think they are bad guests and you should not be hosting them monthly.

Send your husband to visit them.
Monthly is ridiculous.

I think you need to come out with it.
2 nights max and if they don't like it, that is on them.

Surely DH parents are immediate family??