To put my foot down not having houseguests at Christmas

[lyndmn]

DP and his parents have a strained relationship. They get on for the most part, but it always ends in bickering. It's draining. Fortunately they live a few hours away but unfortunately when we do see them they stay with us weeks on end and quite frankly I'm fed up with them after a few days.

They keep hinting to stay for Christmas as they have said DPs sister who they'd normally spend it with is having Christmas just her and her new husband. I categorically do not want this and I don't think DP does either but they are playing the lonely card etc pulling at his heart strings. AIBU for us both to put our foot down and have it just us and the kids? They will see them before Christmas and soon after I'm sure so it's not like they're missing out on time with the GC's.

Yanbu I don’t think you’re mean either as has been said. At the end of the day none of us have to deal with you in laws but you and your DP do. Tell them to get an air bnb as you’re happy to have them for dinner but not to stay. If it goes tits up then next year you can just say no because it didn’t work out. Just be honest, it’s better for everyone to know where they stand and why - sometimes it can bring a discussion that resolves the issue. Sometimes not! But it’s your family so do what brings you joy.

Having each other is very lonely on Christmas Day. Especially when there are family members they could go to. Christmas isn't a time to be selfish.

How is 'having each other' lonely?
There are two of them, they can certainly celebrate Xmas together.

Do your ILs get on well with your parents, OP? Would it be worth inviting both sets of parents for this Boxing Day lunch event? And either inviting them all to stay over that night, or the ILs (if they're travelled much further) or seeing if you can book accommodation for them near your house? And make it clear that this is for one night only. You could potentially meet up somewhere for an activity on the 27th but not have them back to your house again...

Keep Xmas just for you and the kids, and create your own traditions

Was there a law passed that says grandparents must spend Xmas with children/ grandchildren?

no I don’t think so. If it was only one person who would be alone that would be different but as adults they can plan and cook their own Xmas meal.

you also need to put in clear boundaries for other visits that they need to stay only for the agreed dates- it’s too disruptive for them to stay longer.

All those people saying you are obligated- you are not. Self care is not selfish. Most families now have to have both parents working full time, something previous generations didn’t and then there was the expectation that women would be the hostess with the mostess. F* that. It’s the 21st C.

It's hard putting boundaries in with in-laws. Last year my MIL wouldn't tell us how long she was staying for and DH was scared to give her a date to leave! If I suggest just a long weekend she says it's not worth it for that short a time. She always goes on holiday for 2 weeks instead of one for the same reason. (& probably considers staying with us as a holiday too!) I hate it when she comes before the kids finish school and there's so much to do, then doesn't leave until after everyone goes back. One year we invented a visit to friends on 27th so she had to leave. That's my plan next time. Her daughters love having her for ages apparently!

No one is obliged to have their relatives to stay if they don’t want to. Said relatives should examine why they are not welcome

Looks like your sister is trying to off them and if you dont lookout you will be landed with them every year. Once you start it is very hard to stop it trust me i had 40 years of it.

3 day rule for all house guests!
it’s a thing

I loved our christmasses with just each other

I hate it.

Reading all these Christmas dilemmas I’m kind of glad I’m working it this year 😂

30 years ago my friends husband allowed his family invite themselves for Christmas the first year they were married and had moved into their new home.
They were having newly wed niggles and it was the finally straw.

She packed up and went to stay with her parents 2 days before they were due and told him to crack on as she wasn't returning until the new year.

There was the mother of all rows but she wasn't for turning. She had a lovely holiday being spoiled by her mum and dad and all the lovely cooking.

Like she would swap that to cook and shop for 10 people.
Silly man.

Gobsmacked that posters are calling the OP names for not wanting her feuding in-laws to stay. They have a baby. It’s a new home. They’ve already stayed for weeks on end.

OP. Just say no.

Do whatever you want! If they’re not pleasant to be around then don’t let them stay. People whinging on you’re being selfish - absolutely not. You enjoy the day - people act like grandparents have a “right” to be included and invited - only if they’re pleasant to be around. Set your own boundaries