He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

You’re only unreasonable if you stay with this waste of space.
Drunk driver ( he could have killed or maimed anyone)
misogynistic
lazy
disgusting

And these are all the values he’s showing your children every day. Maybe not loudly but in lots of ways he’ll be showing them theses are all ok. And they very much aren’t.
Enjoy your weekend with your children then Monday it’s ducks in a row time.

Put a smile on your face and give your DS a good birthday today.

Then tomorrow, make plans to end the relationship.

All of his behaviour is so disrespectful.
He literally doesn’t like you at all, let alone love you.

He’s a shit dad too.

There is absolutely no coming back from this behaviour and it seems like this is pretty typical of him.

I would say that him pissing on the floor is the least disrespectful thing he did.

Your poor son 😢 I hope he has a great day 💐

Please don’t let him grow up thinking this is acceptable behaviour.

Drink driving is the lowest of the low.

My FIL lost his heavily pregnant cousin to a drunk driver;it still haunts him today even though it's been a very long time since it happened.Your husband could kill somebody with his actions.I couldn't stay with a drunk driver.

I'm so sorry you're going through this,please start seriously start looking into an exit strategy.

Lol why does someone always comment this? I’d have thought it’s the day to day living/raising kids with an inconsiderate, selfish asshole that’d be the bigger issue.

Why are we mothering these men?! You put him back to bed and started to clean it up?! WHAT?! Absolutely not! The dirty creature should be cleaning it up himself!

It’s all vile and you deserve for him to leave. The driving in particular is non-negotiable- out the door he goes

The drunk driving would be enough for me. I have a friend who has a life-long injury from a drunk driver. Despicable.
Then the pissing on the floor, followed by an insight into his perspective of you- you are the cleaner, the cook, the nanny, but above all, his servant. I wouldn't stay for this kind of contemptuous disrespect. Sorry OP but I'd give the kids a nice day then start planning to leave if I were you.

He's horrible. Dump him.

I don't think it was on purpose. He was so drunk he couldn't get to or find the bathroom in time. Then he realised what he'd done and tried to clean it up.

I had a partner who was so drunk that he threw up in the bed because he couldn't reach the bathroom. Fortunately I was away at the time. He told me over the phone when I called him the next day about something else.

It was like a switch in my head went off. He had been really drunk a lot and other less worse incidents had happened. But this showed his drinking was out of control. Fortunately he didnt know how to drive. I said I would be staying where I was while I thought about it.

He came over to see me and I could barely look at him.

My DM was a therapist to those dependent on alcohol. I called her and she said that if this incident with me being so disgusted, wasn't rock bottom for him, then he had further to go and did I want to follow him down there.

I asked if he would seek help.for the drinking and he said he just liked a drink and it was a one-off. In that moment the relationship was over. He went home and I only went back to get my stuff.

@Girlmath if this is not his rock bottom, he has further to go, do you want to follow him down there?

I don’t understand why you are still with this person. You know you don’t get to re-do your life and your children will never be this age again, don’t let him continue to ruin special moments like this.

Wishing your son a happy birthday.

I am so sorry you cleaned up after a grown drunken man piss. With everything you have said I don't see how things could get much worse tbh. He has shown he will literally piss everywhere and do as he pleases. Using his son as guarantee for your reasonable compliance.

Try and enjoy your son birthday. When your ready think long and hard on if you ever want to risk experiencing this again. Xx

He disgusting and YANBU! I'd be furious.

I'm divorced now (I divorced him) but stupidly put up with this nonsense for bloody years: multiple events ruined by him, me scrambling to try and sort childcare (I was the breadwinner) after he went AWOL etc. I tried everything to get XH help etc, but none of it worked. I even chucked him out one Xmas Eve after he went AWOL and then came back paralytic. Stupidly, even after all of the crap, I still thought that if we separated, then he'd have the space to get sober/clean and we could work on marriage. By that point he had also found an OW. Don't be me: I should have LTB about 5yrs before. It was actually a thread on here that made me realise that I could actually leave/end things/put in stricter boundaries (hence me throwing him out on Xmas Eve). I quietly watched it for months whilst I got my shit together (and my head together!).

Make your plans on the quiet, diarise all the nonsense he has pulled/is pulling and then LTB. I've been single ever since. XH doesn't have the DC (or pay for them - he's too unreliable for work), and I may be skint...but I wouldn't change one bit of my current life. It's bloody amazing and so peaceful. No disgusting, abusive, drunk man about to make our lives hell and cause nonstop chaos; no worrying about having to clear up trashed rooms after he wrecked them when drunk. No worrying about whether I'll get disciplined at work because of being late/having to dash home because he's pissed and can't look after the kids. It's bloody wonderful :)

It must be like having some kind of farm animal in the house. I couldnt live with a man like this.

@Girlmath
You sound like a lovely mum. From your posts you've been up most of the night and upset and getting up at the crack of dawn to make up for the things he hasn't done so that your boy can have a good birthday.

Just focus on getting through the day and enjoying your lovely son and his birthday. Those things are the most important in the long run.

There's quite an angry tone in some of these posts, but I just wanted to say its not directed at you. Of course you cleaned up - who could sleep with pee sinking into the carpet.
I think he's really shown you who he is, it seems to be a universal thing that people do things like this at important times in our lives, times which should be a celebration... birthdays and Christmas... those days seem to bring it all to a head, although as you are probably taking stock of it now, its been there for a while, but life is busy and we carry on with the day to day chores.
It sounds like you have a big family and you have your lovely son who will all be with you today. I agree with pp who said leave the useless twit at home to clear up and enjoy spending your time today with those who are important to you.
Everything else can wait for another day.

This! ⬆️

@Girlmath No wonder you needed to vent! So wrong on so many levels.

I remember my ex said once “What have we got my sister?”. That’s his sister. For Xmas. On 24 December. It was the ‘we’ that had me laughing hysterically.

He also didn’t even do stuff when I asked him. Not that I should have had to. He was an adult. But just didn’t do it. Never said he wouldn’t. Never let me know he hadn’t got round to it or might struggle to get it done. Just didn’t do it. With no communication. Like your DP with the shopping.

Needless to say he’s my ex. And he never drunk drove, pissed on the bedroom floor or told me things were for mums to do.

You need to have a serious chat with your DP. Starting with why he doesn’t seem to believe parents have to take responsibility. Both parents. Sounds like he has a lot of work to do on himself.

@MyrtleStrumpet if this is not his rock bottom, he has further to go, do you want to follow him down there?

Very wise words there.

Gross.

How can you stand to be in a relationship with someone as gross, nasty and selfish as that.

As others have said you need to do some serious thinking once the birthday is over

You need to call a serious at the kitchen table talk with him and tell him everything and if that doesn’t work , leave him!

Exactly. I had an acquaintance whose partner would sleep in the bath after a night out because he always got too drunk and always peed himself. She went on to have a baby with him (possibly more by now), and I couldn't help but think she would then have 2 babies to look after, including him!
DP has been sick once after having a bit too much, and I helped him clean up. He has done it for me once as well, but we didn't let ourselves get into such a state again, the wasted day feeling rubbish afterwards was enough to put us off!

That made me laugh sorry.
Another one here whose dh has done this but not foe many years now.

That's bad. It would be bad enough on hard floor but carpet is awful to clean up. I would be a little more sympathetic if he was in a hotel or something and was a bit disoriented, but there's no excuse at home.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You didn’t drink drive or piss the floor.

Don’t keep his secrets for him

You are absolutely right to be so pissed off at Him

YANBU at all

It starts young tho! Ds then 4 got out of bed in eurocamp caravan, could find loo ans pissed on dh in bed.

Yes only a child. But my female child has never done this!