He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

[Girlmath]

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

Bleurgh. Disgusting. I hate people who drink like this. It would be a deal breaker for me I’m afraid

I'm so sorry OP. I read a lot of upsetting posts on here but this has really got to me. I'm so angry and sad on your behalf.

Agree with all advice - get through the day, make sure your DS has a wonderful day (not fair that this on you but it is what it is) then make your plans to get him out. You deserve so much better.

The worst part about this whole story is that he drove home drunk. Completely unacceptable and I'd be reporting him.

You need to stop enabling him Girlmath. Enabling him only gives you a false sense of control. BTW did you grow up seeing similar behaviour from your parents?.

From today plan your exit from your alcoholic. Contact both a Solicitor and Al-anon for support.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what are they learning here?. It will do your child no favours to grow up with an alcoholic parent.

Agree with everyone else who says that this behaviour is unacceptable.All of it adds up to someone who has a severe alchohol issue and no respect for his family.

It's good you're not married so you don't have to go through an expensive and lengthy divorce. He really does have to go though.

I hope that your boy can have a lovely birthday despite it all and you can deal with your 'D'P tomorrow.

Best of luck.

Wait, are you saying he pissed all over the bathroom ON PURPOSE? How can you live with this? He deliberately PISSED all over stuff, put his clothes in the piss and went to bed while you were cleaning it up knowing you would not want to ruin your sons BD?

OP, seriously. This is so depressing. Why are you with this cunt?

Hope you're okay OP x

He’s a pig. I’m so sorry OP. So disrespectful and uncaring.

I suspect that you've normalised his behaviour in your head, but it really isn’t ok. Decent family men don’t go and get steaming drunk ever, in my experience.
Only total fuckwits who think boozing to excess is fun, do that type of thing.

Why did you agree to him going out drinking? This won’t be the first time he’s let you down, I’d bet my life on it.

You really don’t have to stay with him. Yes, he donated his sperm to produce children, but he’s not a good dad and certainly not a decent partner. You can do so much better.

After the party, start making plans to separate. You will be much happier in the long run and importantly, so will the children. My dad was an alcoholic and believe me, it does fuck up the children even if you think you’re protecting them from the worst of it. 😢

Absolutely no way back from this. The selfishness is breathtaking. Living with an alcoholic is a miserable existence (been there) and you owe it to your children to show them life doesn’t have to be like this.

Get through today and then start plotting your departure. There’s a much better life on the other side of this.

No. She should ask his father. Why is it the mother's job?

I'd be leaving the fucker, not because he pissed in the bedroom. I could get over that. But because he could have killed people. I absolutely hate drink drivers......and those fuckers never die. It's always the innocent people they plow into amd their families who are left to deal with the trauma of their disgusting actions.

I hope your DS has a lovely day. You sound an amazing mum.

I'm glad you are angry with him. Nothing of all the things you wrote that he did is in any way acceptable. The leaving it all to you, going out and getting pissed, being so drunk he pissed on the floor, sexist comments, failing to do the shop etc etc. All enough I hope to make you question why you are choosing to spend your life, your only life, with someone so awful.

But the driving home pissed? Absolute deal breaker. He could have killed someone. A child. A mum. A whole family. That is hands down not a decision I could accept even if he says he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. He chose to drive to the pub, chose to buy all those drinks and keep the keys in his pocket knowing what he would do.

I could never look at him again with anything with contempt.

All of this. And also get it professionally cleaned, and he pays.

So sorry that you had to endure this OP. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour. the drink driving is by far the worst aspect,….and like someone said it’s always the men who can’t manage to find the toilet, 😡 Hope you manage to enjoy the birthday despite his appalling behaviour.

I’d guess people who think she should “never have got herself into this situation” or should have handled it differently. Victim blamers who have led charmed lives and lack empathy.

Has he done this before? Because I've read this same situation here recently.

You’re married to an absolutely awful
man.

Well the pee story on its own could have ended up being a funny anecdote if it was a one off and and he was an otherwise good partner but clearly this is a much wider problem.

Would you want to work on things if he was willing to change his behaviour or have you mentally left? I think after the kids have gone to bed or maybe tomorrow when you're less tired you need to spell it out to him how unhappy you are. Oh and he needs to not take his car to the pub ever if he can't be trusted not to get that drunk. God he could have killed someone, what a twat.

The pissing alone I could overlook if it was a one off or very rare occurrence. If he's been having a particularly hard time lately or something.

If he's generally a pig and this is the straw that broke the camel's back, LTB.

This feels horrible op but maybe this wake up call isn't the worst of all worlds. You can salvage your son's birthday and plan a separation that works for you in terms of timing etc. in a parallel dimension you've been woken in the night by the police calling because he killed himself or someone else.

People treat you the way you let them

'To those telling OP to call the police and get his licence taken away, having a husband who can't drive his car for a year will not help OP nor her child.'

The OP's 'D'P has shown by his drunk driving that he can't be trusted to keep others safe including his DC, and has no regard for other people's safety. It is probably only a matter of time before he kills or maims someone (who might include, God forbid, his own DC).

How will it 'help' the OP to know that at any time he could be putting his DC at risk when driving around? How is she supposed to feel when he hurts someone and she knows she might have prevented it?

I'm afraid the bottom line is, if she knows that this man drove home drunk then she should report it. For the sake of everyone's safety not least her own DC.

Enjoy today with your DS and then have a serious think what you want for the future.

I would pee in a jug and go and pour it on his car seat. Wreck his things like he’s done to yours. He’ll probably think he’s done it when he was so drunk.

I would not wash his pee drenched clothes either. Let him do it.

Nothing to do with “mental load”, he just sounds plain lazy and inconsiderate as a husband/father. Or possibly just an asshole generally given the drink driving.