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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

359 replies

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 03:41

NC for obvious reasons.
I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person.
It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc.
Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed.
Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children.
I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home.
It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS.
He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them.
Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says.
I'm so upset.

OP posts:
Scentedjasmin · 23/11/2024 09:12

Just to add that you sound like an amazing devoted Mum doing all that you can (new job, getting up early to do the food shop so that you can spend extra time with your DS (personally I would have a lie in though and make DH walk to the shops or order food in). If you need to go it alone, you will make it work.

CloudgazerCat · 23/11/2024 09:12

Hiddle1976 · 23/11/2024 09:07

My ex pissed on my baby's cot when I was 38 weeks pregnant and all the clothes. I stayed another miserable 10 years. Things didn't get better.

OMG I am so sorry

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 23/11/2024 09:14

The pissing on the floor grim but I could maybe get over it as a one off.

The drink driving , dealbreaker for me. My friend was hit by a drunk driver, fortunately survived but lost both her legs.

Pleasegetchristmasoverwith · 23/11/2024 09:15

My first DH was an alcoholic. He often got so drunk he didn't know what he was doing, although thankfully wasn't a driver. One of the abiding memories I have is him sitting on the edge of the bath and defecating into it because he was so drunk he thought it was the toilet.
I left him because of his drinking.

Your DP obviously has a drink problem. I think the pp who suggested help lines like Al anon was very helpful. But given what you have said about his misogynistic attitude and his contempt for you I do wonder if your relationship is worth saving.

I hope today goes as well as it can do for your birthday boy and yourself. And your DP doesn't find another way to spoil things.

Then it's thinking about the future time OP. Best wishes to you.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 23/11/2024 09:15

I’m so sorry OP, that’s just awful. Get through the day as best you can and then make plans for your next move tomorrow. No one should be treated like this.

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 23/11/2024 09:16

I couldn’t get over the drink-driving and that would be the end of the relationship for me. He’s lucky he didn’t kill someone.

Peopleinmyphone · 23/11/2024 09:16

I'd honestly show him this thread and all the replies

cheezncrackers · 23/11/2024 09:18

Who are the 2% of people who say you're unreasonable????

Newmummypamela · 23/11/2024 09:19

I'm so sorry you're going through this. But, what an absolute loser he is!! Waste of space - I would be furious and simply wouldn't tolerate this disgusting behaviour. Get the party out of the way, then think about whether you want to live like this.

MadeForThis · 23/11/2024 09:19

Everyone is judging him based on one night. Only you know what he is like day to day.

His behaviour is awful.

5128gap · 23/11/2024 09:21

I hope you manage to get through the day and your DS has a nice birthday. If I were you, today, I'd just push through for DS sake. You'll be shopping, cooking, cleaning the carpet and entertaining. You know this today. But all the time you're doing it, keep repeating to yourself. This. Is. The. Very. Last. Time. And mean it. No matter how much your partner wheelles round, acts the good dad in front of his folks, apologises. Even if he does step up. There should be nothing on earth he can do now to stop you leaving him. Because not only are his whole attitudes harmful for a family and model to DS, he has a huge alcohol problem and you can never be safe or happy with a drinker so far into the bottle he could have killed someone last night. When DS birthday is over, post again. There are plenty of people who can give you practical and legal help plus emotional support to leave.

Hiddle1976 · 23/11/2024 09:22

CloudgazerCat · 23/11/2024 09:12

OMG I am so sorry

Thanks, I'm divorced now and happy. Just wish I'd have done it sooner, I hope OP gets the freedom and happiness she deserves too.

misskatamari · 23/11/2024 09:24

This gets a massive fucking LTB from me. Even without the piss his attitude is disgraceful. This is just the icing on the cake of utter disrespect and disregard for you and your feelings. You deserve to be treated way way better than this.

caffelattetogo · 23/11/2024 09:24

What a pig. I understand you don't want to say it today, but please make plans to start leaving. Drunk drivers don't change. He has no respect for you or anyone else.

EmoIsntDead · 23/11/2024 09:28

MosaDiCello · 23/11/2024 06:22

Don't forget shops don't open until 10am today. I hope your DS has a lovely birthday today, you are an amazing mother but honestly you do not deserve this.

It’s Saturday, not Sunday. And even if it was, the trading restrictions are only in England and Wales.

miniaturepixieonacid · 23/11/2024 09:30

The pissing on the floor thing I could get over if he was mortified and apologetic. It is a known phenomenon that very drunk men get confused and think they're at a toilet when they're actually somewhere random. I only ever came across it at university though, not in family men!

But the drink driving - that's unforgivable. Especially as we're talking about driving when completely wasted, not slightly over the limit.

dontcryformeargentina · 23/11/2024 09:31

You are unreasonable for staying with this vile man and calling him DP.

Topseyt123 · 23/11/2024 09:34

What a total piece of shit. If he were my partner he'd pretty quickly be single - as of today.

You and DS deserve so much better than this extremely poor excuse for a man. He's also a dreadful role model for your child as he grows up.

MosaDiCello · 23/11/2024 09:36

Hiddle1976 · 23/11/2024 09:07

My ex pissed on my baby's cot when I was 38 weeks pregnant and all the clothes. I stayed another miserable 10 years. Things didn't get better.

This is just awful I'm sorry you had to experience that and I hope you are in a much better place 🧡

MosaDiCello · 23/11/2024 09:37

@EmoIsntDead Thank you for clarifying, I was a day ahead thinking it was a Sunday!

AmberAlert86 · 23/11/2024 09:37

I'm so sorry OP. I don't think I could live with someone like that. Driving under influence would be a deal breaker. Missing on the floor is capital offence.
Of course you will do your best for your birthday boy and keep everything going, but don't let your H to get away with this.
I don't say this easily, but seriously consider kicking the dirty sissy bastard out!

AmberAlert86 · 23/11/2024 09:38

caffelattetogo · 23/11/2024 09:24

What a pig. I understand you don't want to say it today, but please make plans to start leaving. Drunk drivers don't change. He has no respect for you or anyone else.

Yes very selfish!

anonsurvivor · 23/11/2024 09:39

It seems you aren't married OP so you just need to figure out the easiest way to get rid of him. Good luck.

AmberAlert86 · 23/11/2024 09:39

cheezncrackers · 23/11/2024 09:18

Who are the 2% of people who say you're unreasonable????

Accidental clicks (I'm hoping!)

BigFatLiar · 23/11/2024 09:41

Firstly, he's clearly an alcoholic. The only men who do this or piss the bed, are alcoholics.

Or ill, too sweeping a statement.

I'm sorry to say DH had a lot to put up with when I had C, he looked after me and cleared up without complaint. Now he's older and has chronic kidney and bladder issues. We soldier on together and I try to convince him not to be embarrassed. Old age and ill health may come to any of us.

You're OH on the other hand has no respect for you, his children or himself. He went out drinking when he should have been enjoying the run up to the birthday.