Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

[IMustConfess]

I live in a village on the coast in a semi-rural area. It's a place where people come to live for a relatively quiet life with great walks, fresh air and unspoiled beaches. Lots of artists and writers and gardeners.

Two years ago a couple from London bought the small detached property next door to me. It's a holiday home for them and their friends and family. They're in their 50s, clearly used to a busy lifestyle in London. Lots of talk of theatre and gigs and nice restaurants. They moved in and invited a few locals to dinner and said they wanted to get involved with whatever's going on. They clearly expected to be invited back to eat with everyone and were surprised when some didn't reciprocate. 'But we were told there was a great community here!' They went round knocking on lots of doors and introducing themselves and saying how much they wanted to be involved, but they're probably only here for 10 weeks of the year max. One of my neighbours was really pissed off by it. She said it was like they had an idea of country life they'd got from a TV drama.

When their families come down independently they knock on my door and introduce themselves and say how wonderful that we're all such good friends/ such a lovely community and seem to expect to be invited in and given tea and told what's on. If there's something happening they want me to take them along. They've clearly been told I'll be happy to include them.

This year the husband's been working away a lot and so the wife has been coming down on her own. She always messages me a day or two before she's due to arrive and announces she's coming and wants to know what's on in 'the community'. She messages me when she's arrived so I know she's arrived safely. 😱She expects to be included in anything I've got going on. I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here.

When I moved here I got to know people slowly and worked out who I got on with. My neighbours seem to think friendship comes on a plate and everyone loves them. We have friends who live next door to an AirBnB and say something similar: many of the people who rent the place want to talk to them as if they're friends and happy to spend half an hour telling them which coastal walk is most scenic or which local pub does the best beer. We live here: we're not tourist information or rent-a-mate.

Are we the unreasonable ones? What's going on with people that they think they can just waltz into a new area and everyone'll love them?

🤣🤣🤣 we didn’t burn him!

Hello, neighbour!

Yeah I was thinking that while reading the opening post tbh.

OP, are you sure you're not exaggerating a teensy bit, even if you might not realise it?

YANBU. If they were invested in a genuine friendship and inviting you up to stay with them in London etc, then fair enough, but it all sounds very one sided and patronising. And I say that an extrovert who would absolutely be trying to get myself invited to book groups and whatever other stuff is going on if I'd moved to a neighbourhood (but I would never own a second home so that's very different).

Isn't it?

I wish I could be bothered to post a link to this thread on all the others whining on about how they once went to London for two hours and everybody gave them filthy looks, shut doors in their faces and then stabbed them and kicked them down the escalator at Oxford Circus tube.

Frankly you sound like someone to be avoided at all costs. Please tell us all where you live - no-one would want to move anywhere near you.

I owned a flat in Italy for over 10 years. Had great hopes of eventually moving there permanently, but sadly divorce got in the way. Our neighbours were so lovely and kind. But yes, many focused on their families or work and didn't want to know. We were Strangers who turned up for 10-12 weeks a year. That was a lot for us as our normal lives and jobs were in the UK. We committed to the flat, committed to the lifestyle. But yes, we were just tourists, not locals. But we tried.

My DC went back this summer to some of the places we knew so well. They loved seeing it again, but so different to working there. I always thought they would learn the language and integrate. But special needs/ divorce got in the way.

Eh, I live outside a small village in Lincolnshire. The only reason people tolerated me is because my husband was born in the area. And even then, I don't get too involved in village stuff because I will be an outsider basically forever because I'm not from here. That's Ok. I am nice to people, make no assumptions, keep my mouth well shut, contribute money to the church and the charity walks, and have a couple friends here I clicked with. I know the shopkeepers in the larger market town. Otherwise I stay well out of it, because that's enough for me. I don't have time for the village gossip. People in the country are clannish, and folks with holiday homes don't get that. They soon learn.

What's going on, what's all this shouting we'll have no trouble here.

😂😂unbelievable!

Edward! They want their gutters cleaned. Shall we torture them?

Well then, you won't be getting your garden watered or your gutters cleaned. So there.

Torturing's too good for them, but don't worry they won't get far!

Every community group needs a treasurer, and nobody wants to do it. I'm sure if they've made enough to be able to buy a second home that they're good at managing money. It's a match made in heaven 😊

They want their GUTTERS CLEARED......?

Only one thing for it..

It isn't really, though it is disturbing. There were golliwog dolls in the shops around here as recently as five years ago. It is pretty troubling. It is sometimes like living in an area untouched by time. Countryside is surely beautiful though.

😂😂

@crackofdoom Genius!

Oh my god, that's actually shocking, isn't it?
There's insular and intolerant (qv), but that's just so offensive.

Well I hope none of the locals ever want a favour or have the temerity to knock on their door for something.

It totally is offensive, and what is even more difficult is having to explain to people WHY it is offensive. They just didn't understand and thought I was weird.

Well, if you live within 6 miles of The Newt you can get cheaper membership than 'outsiders'. Can't just visit for the day anymore while on holiday. You have to buy a year's membership at £160 for a couple 😐

I used to live near there, and I remember thinking Bruton seemed to have more private schools than pubs, riding through there!

It's noticeable how absolutely 'white' most Rural places are.

It would be probably be hard to be a person of Colour living in some of these places.

Some rural living Northerners {white} moved to a small town in Cornwall.

Oh boy, was that a mistake.

It was horrible.

They were so unhappy there - people were petty and vindictive to them because they were ''out of area''.

They'd had their honeymoon in Cornwall, and {mistakenly} assumed they could be happy there.

There was some pretty unpleasant bullying as well..{Won't go into that as too outing}

The couple moved back to the North and are so much happier.