Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

[IMustConfess]

I live in a village on the coast in a semi-rural area. It's a place where people come to live for a relatively quiet life with great walks, fresh air and unspoiled beaches. Lots of artists and writers and gardeners.

Two years ago a couple from London bought the small detached property next door to me. It's a holiday home for them and their friends and family. They're in their 50s, clearly used to a busy lifestyle in London. Lots of talk of theatre and gigs and nice restaurants. They moved in and invited a few locals to dinner and said they wanted to get involved with whatever's going on. They clearly expected to be invited back to eat with everyone and were surprised when some didn't reciprocate. 'But we were told there was a great community here!' They went round knocking on lots of doors and introducing themselves and saying how much they wanted to be involved, but they're probably only here for 10 weeks of the year max. One of my neighbours was really pissed off by it. She said it was like they had an idea of country life they'd got from a TV drama.

When their families come down independently they knock on my door and introduce themselves and say how wonderful that we're all such good friends/ such a lovely community and seem to expect to be invited in and given tea and told what's on. If there's something happening they want me to take them along. They've clearly been told I'll be happy to include them.

This year the husband's been working away a lot and so the wife has been coming down on her own. She always messages me a day or two before she's due to arrive and announces she's coming and wants to know what's on in 'the community'. She messages me when she's arrived so I know she's arrived safely. 😱She expects to be included in anything I've got going on. I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here.

When I moved here I got to know people slowly and worked out who I got on with. My neighbours seem to think friendship comes on a plate and everyone loves them. We have friends who live next door to an AirBnB and say something similar: many of the people who rent the place want to talk to them as if they're friends and happy to spend half an hour telling them which coastal walk is most scenic or which local pub does the best beer. We live here: we're not tourist information or rent-a-mate.

Are we the unreasonable ones? What's going on with people that they think they can just waltz into a new area and everyone'll love them?

I guess I'm not quite getting this. Either they're awful (which your drip feed about the fete seems to be implying), in which case, treat them the way you do other awful people regardless of where they're from or where you live, which presumably is by largely ignoring them. Or they're a bit over eager and you're unfriendly.

Either way, what is is you want from this thread other than to shit on people who have the temerity to come from the same place you apparently moved from?

And, yeah, if someone invited me to a barbecue and they were new in the area, I'd reciprocate in some way.

Do you think they found the place on some Swingers website and that's they and their friends who arrive are so friendly?

I blame Rick Stein, Hairy Bikers and basically all BBC lifestyle food and travel type programs who go round searching for locals to patronise visit so they can have their grinning into the camera #livingmybestlife moments.

What is hilarious is what the locals actually say when the grinning idiots have gone.

Very true 😊!
I'm waiting for the tale of the upstart neighbour daring to organise a rubber of bridge or a tableaux vivant.

Why would she? I get she's a bit presumptuous but she's just trying to make friends. They might become permanent residents

but you sound like such a lovely friendly community … did you read your op?!

She wants service and favours, and isn't shy about asking. Not a good way to conduct a friendship, especially a budding one.

My family has had a second home for 60 years jn an area where everyone else has their second home. We've only talked to the neighbours whe it is something practical with the road. I've always assumed the ourpose of a second property is to be a hermit and avoid people 😅

As someone from Wales in an area besieged by holiday home owners, I found this post very amusing.

What do you think London is if not besieged by second home owners? And third and fourth. And hotels. And tourists from every corner of the world? It’s the tourist capital of the U.K.

What an unpleasant and inaccurate post about London life. I've lived in London all my life (as well as experiencing life in different cultures and countries for a time in my 20s). Now in my late 40s and my London street is a lovely community with very friendly neighbours from all sorts of demographics and cultures. I love my street and my neighbours are a big part of that. Perhaps the reason you didn't make any friends is that you're just not that likeable and nothing to do with London not being friendly.

So many places here in Wales are like that, especially in Pembrokeshire and Gwynedd.

The most faux-pas thing someone can do (which they do), is say something like 'Oh how lovely ! We have a little holiday cottage in Gwynedd!'......and I'm like really??? 🤔🙄😒 Seriously, I'm working class and I don't want to fucking know. I can't even afford a decent first home.

She took them to her book club, sounds like more than most would do!

Bloody London bastards, coming down to the locals’ place, inviting people over, trying to get involved in the community. Wankers, the lot of them.

You sound awful. And a good reason why you shouldn’t move to the countryside. Full of small minded people like you

They sound like they’re just being friendly. Imagine if they just arrived and spoke to no one. You might say how they weren’t trying to get along with others.

Book club = un po di musica.
Au reservoir.

@Mirabai Yes I've heard....except when it happens in London and people aren't happy about it, you aren't called racist.

She invited het to book club!

I can see both sides.

On the one hand, you don't have to socialise with anyone you don't want to, and if you think it's not worth investing in a friendship with someone who is only there 20% of the time then that's entirely your call.

On the other hand, it must be a shame for them thinking people were going to be friendly and finding out that they aren't.

I live in London and have lovely neighbours. We often have them round for parties and I go for dinner with the wives sometimes too. We don’t live in each others pockets (although some of the kids do go to the same nursery) but we definitely see each other as friends! Same in my last two houses in London as well.

I bet they don't want to be friends with their neighbours in London. I lived there for 20 years and the way people survive in London is by limiting contact with the neighbours to an occasional polite 'Hello.' But somehow here in the country it's different.

i live in London and that’s bullshit. Sounds like it might be a you problem rather than your neighbour.

Exactly.
It's extremely friendly and community spirited here in London.
You lot sound horrible.

@Oneforsorrowtwoforjoy Off-topic but I cringe at how male BBC TV presenters patronise people like that, generally, either here or abroad. They always like to put their arm around older women in particular, and speak to women over 50 years old as if they are thick or like they're speaking to children.

Those saying they do not see any issue with the couple are either not reading the posts properly, or they lack emotional intelligence.

That’s the thing about Londoners. They are given a terrible reputation. But, when I lived there (I now live abroad in very similar city), I lived amongst so many different types of people all doing different types of things with their lives and it was wonderful. We all just accepted each-other. I had an elderly neighbour who I helped when he needed me. Above me was a family who used to spend 6 mths in London and 6 in their home country. We were friendly when they were in London and we stayed in touch when they left for good. I had a house of young professionals next to me who had new people moving in and out every few months. Everyone was kind and friendly and got on with it.