Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

[IMustConfess]

I live in a village on the coast in a semi-rural area. It's a place where people come to live for a relatively quiet life with great walks, fresh air and unspoiled beaches. Lots of artists and writers and gardeners.

Two years ago a couple from London bought the small detached property next door to me. It's a holiday home for them and their friends and family. They're in their 50s, clearly used to a busy lifestyle in London. Lots of talk of theatre and gigs and nice restaurants. They moved in and invited a few locals to dinner and said they wanted to get involved with whatever's going on. They clearly expected to be invited back to eat with everyone and were surprised when some didn't reciprocate. 'But we were told there was a great community here!' They went round knocking on lots of doors and introducing themselves and saying how much they wanted to be involved, but they're probably only here for 10 weeks of the year max. One of my neighbours was really pissed off by it. She said it was like they had an idea of country life they'd got from a TV drama.

When their families come down independently they knock on my door and introduce themselves and say how wonderful that we're all such good friends/ such a lovely community and seem to expect to be invited in and given tea and told what's on. If there's something happening they want me to take them along. They've clearly been told I'll be happy to include them.

This year the husband's been working away a lot and so the wife has been coming down on her own. She always messages me a day or two before she's due to arrive and announces she's coming and wants to know what's on in 'the community'. She messages me when she's arrived so I know she's arrived safely. 😱She expects to be included in anything I've got going on. I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here.

When I moved here I got to know people slowly and worked out who I got on with. My neighbours seem to think friendship comes on a plate and everyone loves them. We have friends who live next door to an AirBnB and say something similar: many of the people who rent the place want to talk to them as if they're friends and happy to spend half an hour telling them which coastal walk is most scenic or which local pub does the best beer. We live here: we're not tourist information or rent-a-mate.

Are we the unreasonable ones? What's going on with people that they think they can just waltz into a new area and everyone'll love them?

The borough of Camden has some of the most deprived areas in the country. As well as some of the wealthiest. Actually.

I quite agree, born in S London and have always lived here. I love the countryside and the seaside, have had many happy holidays in both but live there? No.

🤣🤣🤣

It's a LOCAL SHOP for LOCAL PEOPLE 😂

Maybe they've read some of the very frequent articles that portray second home owners as the devil's spawn who push up property prices, take no part in community life and bring in their supplies from Waitrose. This woman sounds desperate to make friends and become part of village life for the, probably much anticipated, 10 weeks of the year when she can. What a shame she's landed in such a hostile environment.

Yup, fundamental misunderstanding of Camden, based anecdotally on a Libertine gig, that I’d wager was packed full of white over 40s out of towners… Not going to be packed with people from Camden is it 😂

This is what stops me moving out of London. The idea that people will not talk to you because you didn’t go to primary school with them. The fear that they will be nice to your face and bitch about you behind your back. The idea that people will be contemptuous of people trying to be friendly.

It does sound as if these people have been a bit OTT and cringe. But as others have said they can’t bloody win can they? If they hadn’t made any effort they would be being accused of being surly and aloof.

Oh yes, it is absolutely a tale of two cities with the widest gap in inequality in the country. Over 80000 homes sitting empty is the main driver for this. I literally stated those living 4 to a room ensuring those on the other half of the city are looked after. Actually!

Plus we have a better selection/quality/delivery of takeaways in Croydon than any of the SW dudes combined I bet

Not based on a Libertine gig- based on reality and the ability to read i.e Camden market is a corporate affair owned by a billionaire now and has been for about 10 years.

We went out in Camden following gig and prior to gig and it is full of people that are the wealthy young, it is a playground for the rich like a Disney theme park, hilarious to think that changes in 20 years and I'm pretty sure Londoners went to see the Libertines in the Roundhouse, why wouldn't they? They formed the band in Camden, there is no way that opportunity exists for young people now and It is ashame for London I think. All a bit dull really.

How did you get that? The OP has included the woman in her social life!!

I literally spent mamy teenage years in Camden didn't you if a North London Native? I'm really confused by your lack of references to any London of the past that was real, are you very young?

You visit every month? Why? It is not more exclusive or is more corporate as literally a corporation, you seem to really be lacking in knowledge of somewhere you visit regularly. And it's not just, 'sad' it's a tragedy and totally changed the tone of the place something you would mourn of you truly do go to Camden market every month and have been since what, childhood?

Reading this thread, I was just thinking that there's a business opportunity for someone to take on all these 'favours' for a suitable fee.

@Thepeopleversuswork these people haven’t moved out of London though. They’re visiting somewhere and wanting a full social life/circle ready prepared for them.
Im sure if they moved there and took part in activities/worked they would naturally meet people and make friends. It’s not the responsibility of a new neighbour to sort that out for you instead.
I don’t think it’s unbelievable that OP might not particularly like this woman, is happy to be a decent neighbour, but doesn’t want to move her into her own social circle. There’s nothing wrong with that.

They’re not. They own a home there.

A home which they visit, they're not full time residents.

Certainly sounds like it’s more of a two way street with you compared to the OP’s situation.

@SundayDread

^ these people haven’t moved out of London though. They’re visiting somewhere and wanting a full social life/circle ready prepared for them^

Look I agree they seem to be going about it in a clunky way.

But the two faced contempt is breathtaking. The fact that OP has invited this woman to a book club but is then going on the intro sneer at how awful it is that she wants to go back.

Fuck me you can keep your beaches and walks. I would rather live around people who aren’t all laughing at what a townie I am because I have the temerity to try to make friends.

This person isn't 'making friends' though, she's trying to set up a network of folk who'll help her/them out. Inviting them for dinner is clearly to sweeten them up/push her way in.
OP owes this visitor nothing.

Has anyone suggested that the locals help the couple to become part of 'the community' by getting them to do stuff like staying in for a local's furniture delivery? A series of locals could also visit the couple as soon as they appear on a visit, soliciting donations for any & every local charity or event. What are they actually doing for anyone else?

hear hear

Actually reading this I feel for you op

Two in five children in Camden are living in poverty, so no I don’t see it purely as a playground for the wealthy. The regeneration of the market was always going to be divisive, but has made space for more traders (so more jobs, too) in better conditions, even if this has come at a higher cost to the stall holders and shops. I still enjoy shopping there and like the new layout and bridges which were partly designed as a safety measure for pedestrians and oncoming traffic. Camden has always been a magnet for the young, and as you must know the area is bordered by Hampstead which is one of the richest boroughs in London (7th) . Given your distaste for the area and the wealthy types who pervade it, surely you spending money there is putting cash into the pocket of the billionaire you detest? I have no words about The Libertines, dull indeed.

I wonder where you are?
Not Yorkshire would be my guess.