Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

[IMustConfess]

I live in a village on the coast in a semi-rural area. It's a place where people come to live for a relatively quiet life with great walks, fresh air and unspoiled beaches. Lots of artists and writers and gardeners.

Two years ago a couple from London bought the small detached property next door to me. It's a holiday home for them and their friends and family. They're in their 50s, clearly used to a busy lifestyle in London. Lots of talk of theatre and gigs and nice restaurants. They moved in and invited a few locals to dinner and said they wanted to get involved with whatever's going on. They clearly expected to be invited back to eat with everyone and were surprised when some didn't reciprocate. 'But we were told there was a great community here!' They went round knocking on lots of doors and introducing themselves and saying how much they wanted to be involved, but they're probably only here for 10 weeks of the year max. One of my neighbours was really pissed off by it. She said it was like they had an idea of country life they'd got from a TV drama.

When their families come down independently they knock on my door and introduce themselves and say how wonderful that we're all such good friends/ such a lovely community and seem to expect to be invited in and given tea and told what's on. If there's something happening they want me to take them along. They've clearly been told I'll be happy to include them.

This year the husband's been working away a lot and so the wife has been coming down on her own. She always messages me a day or two before she's due to arrive and announces she's coming and wants to know what's on in 'the community'. She messages me when she's arrived so I know she's arrived safely. 😱She expects to be included in anything I've got going on. I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here.

When I moved here I got to know people slowly and worked out who I got on with. My neighbours seem to think friendship comes on a plate and everyone loves them. We have friends who live next door to an AirBnB and say something similar: many of the people who rent the place want to talk to them as if they're friends and happy to spend half an hour telling them which coastal walk is most scenic or which local pub does the best beer. We live here: we're not tourist information or rent-a-mate.

Are we the unreasonable ones? What's going on with people that they think they can just waltz into a new area and everyone'll love them?

I’ve looked back and what I said was ‘ I was lucky to grow up somewhere cosmopolitan and accepting of other cultures’ I stand by that statement and still believe those areas mentioned to be both of those things.

Nope, I would say Goldenbear is absolutely bang to rights as regards Camden.

Yes but what about culture that includes wealth diversity and I don't just mean people living 4 to a room serving the rich! How can you have culture that's interesting (at least) when everyone is loaded!

We're near neighbours. I've recently moved to Frome.

What's going on in your community? We had the mayor and a crooner called Andrew Bourn turning on the Christmas lights last night :) Andrew Bourn went down so well he's playing the Memorial Theatre next week! If I get 2 tickets would you like to come? I can get you into the Frome womens shed if you like, we're very crafty, some of us are making quilts for the Linus Project who donate them to neonatal units. We've got a book club too, the book is Call of the Wild by Guy Grieve. Am dying to get into Bruton's community as well, can't wait to hear from you :)

An interesting point. I’m a BTL landlord - another hated beast on MN. We’re often accused of snapping up properties that could go to first-time buyers instead. But unless they’re looking for a “forever” home, first-time buyers invariably become first-time sellers - and a lot more amenable to the idea of BTL investors when they realise how big a part of the market they are for such properties. Indeed, when I was erroneously shown properties in a development with a covenant that only owner occupiers could buy them (thank you for wasting my time, Purple Bricks), two different sellers contacted me to let me know that they were fighting the leaseholders to get the covenant removed…

OP, if you ever have to sell your house, will you insist on selling to a full-time owner occupier?

You are entitled to your view. I was misquoted by a previous poster, I said ‘I was lucky to grow up somewhere cosmopolitan and accepting of other cultures’. Camden is definitely those things. I visit every month and despite becoming more exclusive, it’s still very diverse. The market has changed and that is very sad, especially for the traders who were forced out.

Actually, I last visited Camden to see the Libertines on Halloween night at the roundhouse who were superb but I was a bit down spirited that my DC who are teenagers are never going to experience that excitement of something a bit raw and a bit of a place with hopes and dreams and the place to be which was what Camden once was.

You haven’t mentioned where you are based? Or where you grew up?

Try to be kind and overlook their perceived shortcomings.

I’ll do my best… 😂

I hav actually I was born in West London and grew up in West and South London. DH was born and grew up in part in Camden but I have family that have lived in north London for over 30 years. Why would I have to say where I live now? It has gone a similar way and lost its soul.

I understand that may be a tall order...🤐

Intellectual input there

Ex-Londoners aren’t always the best judges, that’s all. Are you a huge fan of places like Catford and Croydon? Both seem impervious to gentrification, maybe in your eyes that makes them authentic?

Sky high…

Knockout comment, Goldenbear!. How stupid of me to suggest kindness and tolerance.

Shame on you @Landloper 😂

But your not you're just being disingenuous really - unsure why.

Oh ok, work in London, have close relatives in London that I see regularly, one a parent, born and grew up in London but have no clue on London. Ok, yes, I literally cannot judge at all. I mean you're being ridiculous and seem more unaware of the realities of London living than I do which is what made me question your native credentials!

Is Croydon London? Didn't realise. Anyway, maybe they are more interesting places now, if not just occupied by the wealthy.

Yep, reminds me why I'm unwilling to leave South London which has been my all welcoming, all inclusive, non judgmental home for 20 years after 20 stifling years in the "beautiful" SW England. Don't get me wrong, parts of Cornwall, Devon and Somerset are lovely - for a holiday. London is (ironically) a breath of fresh air which I wouldn't change. Anytime I have a thought about "moving back west" these type of discussions remind me why it's not worth it.

The outsider neighbours (or the woman of the couple) sound a bit overbearing and is probably the same in her own city circle. But OP you also sound like you have a chip on your shoulder, for example when you talk about CF neighbour mentioning cultural activities. There’s probably an adjustment to be made on both sides and the outsiders will soon find litter picking etc exciting. You were like that once too.

I'd direct your first sentence right back at you.

the help to buy scheme ... largely benefited people who could afford to buy, not those who couldn’t

True once again, @80smonster, but mainly the people it benefited were devlopers who wanted to keep their prices artificially high and are in a better position to lobby government

That's so sad @NinjaGin
Prob best we just stick to holiday homes then 😂