AIBU to not want to meet my friend for a walk and to meet elsewhere?

[GingerbreadCrisps]

A friend who I haven’t seen for a while wants to meet up. This is fine and I’m looking forward to seeing her but she keeps wanting to meet for a walk. I’m disabled and walking is becoming increasingly difficult for me. My balance is poor enough on a good day but it’s Winter now and I really can’t get out at all when it’s icy. Plus I have cough variant asthma and the cold makes it much worse so that I can barely breathe for coughing.

I’ d suggested meeting at my home, her home, a restaurant, cafe etc but she’s a bit fanatical about walking and keeps saying that she’d rather meet for a long walk. She’s financially comfortable so that’s not an issue.

AIBU to keep declining and offering alternatives? I’ve explained my situation but she says that a good walk will make me feel better. It definitely won’t.

TIA

I like this response to the so called "friend".

I agree that bluntness is required here.

DBIL has had something similar, he's disabled and finds difficulty with walking.

His DFs were encouraging him to go for long walks and sign up for 5km fun runs after diagnosis. I think that they thought they were doing him a favour by keeping him mobile.

Once he spelt out exactly what his symptoms were and how difficult he finds walking any distance and the effect it has in him for a few days, they've stopped. They do meet with him still but the requests to go for a walk or run have gone.

She’s not a good person or friend if she is prioritising her step count over your health and safety. I really wouldn’t be fighting for this friendship.

I don't think you guys have much in common OP. I'd be really upset if my friend didn't have the understanding or the sympathy regarding a disability.
Tell her to buy a treadmill then you can meet at her house and chat whilst she does her steps.

Love this treadmill idea. Or is there such a thing as an adult hamster wheel?

I love a walk and miss that about Covid but of course you shouldn't be dragged on one! If she wants to do a walk you can meet her at the cafe or pub at the end of it IF you still want to be her friend given
This attitude

She sounds completely self absorbed and quite honestly weird. I don't like going out in the cold and damp because of my severe asthma and so I meet friends in cafes, pubs or at home. If someone insisted I go for a walk I'd tell them to piss off!

No they don’t to be honest.
Neither are wrong here, they are just two different people. One likes to be active and one can’t.

What sort of friend is she??

She really isn't being v understanding to you OP
I am always v busy with 2 jobs/single mum/dog etc and some friends are also obsessed with walking. I don't see a lot of people in real life as work from home. When I see fiends I'd rather sit and chat..than be walking and talking. It's nice to be looking at friends when chatting I find.
Hope she listens soon 🙏

Or go somewhere with an accessible 1-3 mile route where you can hire a Tramper or other outdoor/ rugged wheelchair/ mobility scooter - she can walk while you have powered wheels around that route.

Are you overweight OP? Does she maybe think that you should be walking more and that she’s doing you a favour?

If she won’t arrange to meet elsewhere, then she doesn’t sound worth meeting! If her concern is her step count tell her to get up earlier. Then she’ll have plenty of time for steps and meeting up!

I had this weirdly OP, friend only wanted to meet for a walk but I became seriously ill and couldn't. Honestly I hardly saw her after that. Looking back I think she did see me as a friend but also as someone who would keep her company on a walk and didn't value me enough to meet me if it didn't serve that purpose for her too.. weird and I never saw it coming..

This! She sounds awful tbh

I suspect she thinks you are exaggerating your difficulties and a bit of good brisk exercise will sort you out. As such, she is insufferable, smug and a rotten friend, so I would give her a swerve.

No chance I would go along with this plan.

You have a disability and a health need she has a health want.

She seems obsessive about this but can walk her hundreds of steps eg: to a bloody cafe for an hour. If she hasn’t got time to sit down for an hour then she hasn’t got time to meet.

I wouldn’t be happy with her ableist and arrogant attitude either; you know best how to manage your needs with support of your health professionals.

She sounds scared to sit still. Regretfully decline I'm afraid.

Or meet at a gym. She can walk on a running machine whilst you just sit there in the warm!

Be blunt in your reply next time she suggests meeting for a walk. 'Sorry XXX but my health issues don't allow me to walk any distance without it causing pain/discomfort. I'd love to catch up with you but until we can agree a place & time to sit & have a chat it won't be possible'

She’s really thoughtless and inconsiderate.

Perfect.

She doesn't believe you're ill. She thinks you need to walk more and put yourself together. This is not your friend.

Very strange.

Is she aware of your disability?

"Hi X, unfortunately, due to my disability, I'm not able to go out for walks at the moment. I'm solely indoor venues only. I'd love to see you, let me know when you're free and we can chose a place."

I feel you OP. I have an "outdoorsy" friend of my own, who keeps inviting me to drive half an hour to then go on a dog walk with her... My interest in dog walks, even more so in the depths of winter is slim to none, my interest in her two dogs, whom I've met exactly once, is even less.

She goes for a walk and ends up at a cafe where you will meet her

Or don't bother. She doesn't sound much of a friend

Tbh at this point I'd be asking if it's that she doesn't understand that I'm disabled or she thinks I'm lying.

It's not 2020.z