To have expected more in life from working to reach this salary?

[grethrow]

I’m early forties and earn 75k. I know this isn’t huge money but it’s well above average salaries in the uk. I worked hard to get to this point (I’m not saying people who earn less don’t work hard).

I guess along the way I always thought I would be able to have a really comfortable life on this salary. I have one ds who is 11 but his costs don’t really factor in much as his dad pays for most stuff (ds lives with me so dad pays a decent amount).

I assumed going on holiday would be easy but renting a cottage in Devon in a nice area for a week is around 1,500, then there’s travel costs and food etc when you’re there! Going abroad long haul is extortionate. I guess these things are just about doable for me but it’s not easy.

I am having a privileged whinge. I know that. But I do feel sometimes like maybe at 18 I shouldn’t have bothered. My parents had a similar income (taking into account inflation) and me and my brother both went to independent schools, grew up in a large home and parents had very nice cars. It wouldn’t be possible for me to go and buy a nice car outright. I know people have it much worse but I still feel cheated and like it is a slog for very little, fair of me to feel this? Do others feel this?

But where does your money go? You've mentioned a mortgage, car and food shop, which comes to around £2000/month in total. There will be council tax and bills, but then you should still have something like £1500/month after that, so where does that go?

I'm curious, because I am on £45k, and I can afford meals out, go to the cinema, holidays, etc.

It’s not the income that’s the issue, it the outgoings. As Charles Dickens said, income £1 weekly, expenditure 95 pence is happiness. Expenditure of £1.05 is misery.

A trivial expenditure of a coffee a day, £3, is £1000 a year of taxed pay. Or £1250 of your before-tax pay. There are “wants” and “needs”. Paying your mortgage is a “need”, and it’s cheaper than renting …. But without knowing where you must live could change the equation enormously. You have parents with a middle class lifestyle. I was “fortunate” to have been brought up in what would be considered poverty. My expectations are lower. I’m 75, no mortgage, income is higher than I can comfortably spend unless I fritter it away. A friend will spend £110 on a bottle of champagne because she likes nice things. It’s all down to a mindset.

I'm not having a go, just trying to understand

Which was wrong: the net income for the £37.5k earner or the percentage?

If there really is only 10% difference in net income despite twice the gross income, that's pretty crazy!

Especially when posters like @ByHardyRubyEagle above are saying that since £35k is the average salary, £70k is 'megabucks'.

10% more isn’t megabucks!

To be fair you chose a big mortgage.

To be fair you chose a big mortgage.

well the alternative might be renting which isn’t secure or often much cheaper than a mortgage.

Or a cheaper mortgage...

Yes, l can see, saying to a poster, ‘no shit Sherlock’ and that l have little comprehension, to your obvious post, makes you a far superior 'pleasant’ person.

If you’ve spent your whole life with money as the focus, you will feel ripped off. My household income is only just over £40k before taxes but I love my life. My SIL is stinking rich and I’ve never met anyone more empty and miserable. Because money is just something you earn to survive and occasionally treat yourself with, it’s far from the purpose of life. I nearly died less than a year ago and money didn’t even enter my mind.

£60 per week for an adult and a child to cover all groceries and household items? It's possible, but it would be largely vegetarian by necessity: lots of lentils and chickpeas. Which someone on such 'megabucks' that the government expects her to hand over £22k per year in tax shouldn't need to do.

Certainly not when people who are taking money from the state - money she's handing over - don't need to.

😵Mine’s £340 for a 3-bedroom Edwardian terrace. Chorley prices!

I could choose to be a more pleasant person but I didn’t, because there’s always someone saying that well London is expensive so whatevs, suck it up, in one way or another. Which is what you did. Do I not have a right to think something is wrong with what’s happening here? Wages are higher in London and the cost of living is higher than other places, sure, no shit sherlock. But these higher wages are not covering the cost of living in London, was my point. My eye roll was to that poster saying the OP must be frivolous, no other possibility, if 75K a year isn’t ‘comfortable’ for her (no follow up questions, just pointing a finger). You either didn’t understand that (so, comprehension) or you were being obnoxious.

What’s gonna happen if everyone who isn’t a millionaire decides to leave London, as is often advised?

I think people are being forced to think of money in ways they wouldn’t, if COL(house prices) wasn’t what it is. I’m not materialistic, and I worry about money, which makes my non materialistic life less enjoyable.

I bought a dress from tkmaxx for £30 the other day and I felt guilty. I have one haircut a year, never get mani pedis or highlights etc. one takeaway a month. I’m wearing the same £60 coat this winter I bought 4 years ago. I bought boots this year because my old ones feel apart. I have to buy them new because my feet are XX wide and no chance finding these second hand. I bought a refurbished mobile recently because the screen on my 5 year old previous phone broke to a point bits of glass were falling off (I spent a year with a cracked screen) and the battery was gone. Most of my (one) child’s toys are second hand.

I don’t care about any of that. What does piss me off is that We’re on a 6 figure combined income in professional jobs and we can’t buy a house in the outskirts of London.

Unfortunately, with most people, it's usually a case of "the more you earn, the more you spend". It's certainly true in my case. And now that housing costs, interest rates and general cost of living are out of control, a lot of us on higher salaries are really feeling the pinch. Even if you weren't previously financially overextended, the economic issues over the last few years have certainly pushed us to become so. I was living very comfortably on AU$95k up until a couple of years ago and now, I'm basically on the breadline. Had to stop working about 18 months ago due to an acute illness and have spent everything I had previously worked for on medical bills and just staying alive. And now that I'm well again and able to work, I can't get a bloody job! I live in a rural area and jobs are few and far between right now, due to the traditional Aussie shutdown of the job market between November and February. It's so difficult!

I think you might feel more content if you did some really worthwhile voluntary work. I worked for Victim support for 8 years after retiring early. It led to a lot of new interests and friends and satisfaction.

OP, I wonder if it’s an attitude thing? I grew up in a poor family, my parents had no money and have never and will never help me financially. They helped in other ways, child care etc over the years.

I am early 40’s and I earn much, much less than you and am also a single parent. I have a mortgage on a 3 bed house in an expensive area, drive an old car, have the same pricey bills as everyone else and I manage holidays each year for my son as well as trying to save for his future.

I feel comfortable ish but I think that’s largely down to my attitude, I grew up with nothing, I work hard for everything and don’t have expensive or extravagant taste in things. I buy what I can afford and stay away from luxuries that are above my means. For example, I don’t get my hair and nails done like most of my friends do.

I feel grateful my son is growing up with more than I had and essentially he wants for nothing, I therefore consider myself comfortable. I think it’s entirely doable to be very comfortable on your money as a single parent but it depends on each persons mindset and how expensive your taste is when it comes to any non essential items.

Pop onto jet2 and go for any destination, pick airports near you and all-inclusive, restrict to 5* and you should get a week in Turkey for £3kish. Spend more time looking and you'll get the price down
That's in school holidays. The hotels have free activities so you don't need to spend when you're there, and there are loads of excursions and historical sites if that's your thing.
Uk holidays are so expensive for what you get!!!

@foodforclouds I don’t know whereabouts in zone 6 you’re looking but it’s demonstrably untrue that you can’t afford a house in London. Here’s some in zone 4 for you - 73 3 and 4 bed choices you can afford in my local area alone

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?locationIdentifier=REGION%5E85320&minBedrooms=3&maxPrice=550000&propertyTypes=&mustHave=&dontShow=&furnishTypes=&keywords=#prop152195840

What exactly are you doing on a salary of 75k with one child whose father covers his costs. It sounds like major money mismanagement to me. So no I don’t feel sorry for you at all. I’m on less, holiday every year abroad and one in the UK, drive a brand new car and cover costs for children and have a nice house and have got everything kids asked for and more for Christmas.

I feel the same OP. We have a household income of 140k, we don’t really worry about money, but I thought we would be rich at this point. We have one modest car, batch cook, make our own coffees and haven’t been on holiday in 4-5 years. Childcare, council tax and mortgage are our main outgoings.

It is amazing to not be worried about money day to day, and we are very lucky in that sense. But my frustration is more along the lines of what the hell is wrong with this country that you can make so much and just be comfortable.

Can you explain why you haven't Been on holidays in 4-5 years?

I earn around the 30 k mark and I went on 3 holidays this year.

Exactly this, and the poster above who said that the more you earn, the more you spend.

Many of my much better off friends are now suddenly feeling the pinch because they are higher earners so have general expectations. Their kids do lots of hobbies. They go for weekends away. They have three cars. They have two foreign holidays a year, theatre trips etc They do Hello Fresh or Gousto AND shop at Waitrose. They have big mortgages because they have lovely big houses. All of these things have become more expensive .

I’m on less and am a single parent and I actually haven’t felt the pinch of the COL so much. My kids don’t do expensive hobbies, I budget £85 a week for all groceries, we have one holiday a year, one car that I own outright, I don’t buy loads of stuff, go to loads of shows and events, I have a modest house and mortgage. My expectations are lower. I feel rich.

It’s lifestyle creep that happens when you earn more.

Yes definitely some people that earn a lot are definitely irresponsible with money.

It doenst matter how much you earn. If you throw all your money away on bad expenses, you will still be not comfortable.

Maybe it would help to compare your life with your parents? Did they have a better experience really? Was there house nicer, in a better area? Did they eat out as much as you? Did they eat as lavishly at home? Did they buy expensive clothes or goods?