To have expected more in life from working to reach this salary?

[grethrow]

I’m early forties and earn 75k. I know this isn’t huge money but it’s well above average salaries in the uk. I worked hard to get to this point (I’m not saying people who earn less don’t work hard).

I guess along the way I always thought I would be able to have a really comfortable life on this salary. I have one ds who is 11 but his costs don’t really factor in much as his dad pays for most stuff (ds lives with me so dad pays a decent amount).

I assumed going on holiday would be easy but renting a cottage in Devon in a nice area for a week is around 1,500, then there’s travel costs and food etc when you’re there! Going abroad long haul is extortionate. I guess these things are just about doable for me but it’s not easy.

I am having a privileged whinge. I know that. But I do feel sometimes like maybe at 18 I shouldn’t have bothered. My parents had a similar income (taking into account inflation) and me and my brother both went to independent schools, grew up in a large home and parents had very nice cars. It wouldn’t be possible for me to go and buy a nice car outright. I know people have it much worse but I still feel cheated and like it is a slog for very little, fair of me to feel this? Do others feel this?

Even better would be to distribute jobs, investment etc around the country so people don't feel they have to move to London to get a decent job.

A couple on £35k each wouldn’t be getting a hefty chunk of child maintenance each month that far exceeds £100 a month child benefit, like the OP.

I do sympathise. I used to earn what you earn about 10 years ago and I felt very very comfortable. I earn significantly more now and I feel squeezed. Inflation has been horrendous, mortgage rates and utilities went up dramatically in the last 12-24months, we naturally want better/more expensive things as we get older. All of these factors contribute.

Not all single parents will get child maintenance.

I understand that. We are all affected. Although bare in mind how much harder it is for those with a much lower income.

We’re not talking about all single parents. We’re comparing OP who said “ds lives with me so dad pays a decent amount” to a couple with a similar household income before CM.

I see that OP wrote that she doesn't even pay much for her 11 year old child, as his dad pays for most stuff for her child.

So where on earth is the OPs money going.

My husband earns similar and we are skint

My husband earns similar and we are skint

And you are immediately £12,570 per year better off after tax due to the tax threshold, before you start considering the OP will be liable to the higher rate of tax.

The OP has also only become eligible for child benefit in April. That's another £1,331 per year for one child, plus an extra £881 for each additional child that you'd have got but the OP wouldn't.

So that was over £14000 per year that you got as a couple, that the OP didnt. (Not counting deductions for the higher tax rate and based on you both having just one child). Plus you have less reliance on childcare. Looking at the average data apparently six weeks school holiday is about £1000 - let's go with that being the difference between what you could cover with leave from your second adult if you had to. That's not taking into account after school clubs.

So your very basic fag paper calculation would be that as a couple you've been be at least £15,000 per year better off before you even press start.

A couple has to pay all the council tax, a single person can get a discount but this isn't 50%, it's 25%.

Yes you have one extra person to feed and water and to pension, but there is effectively a single person penalty.

Let's do the calculation on that. It's apparently on average £182 per month per person. So for a year that's an extra £2100 on food.

As I say it has improved since April but that's still in theory £13k more disposable income.

Now this assumes that the OP doesn't get child maintenance.

I've just stuck in a calculation for how much maintenance the OP would get for one child if the other parent didn't do any care, had no other children and had an income of £35000. That comes in at £4200 per year. So the OP would STILL be around £8,000 per year down on a couple. That's a reasonable income which is well above average. If he had other children or had the child on weekends it might be lower than this.

Then you start to look at long term costs. If you take out a loan or a mortgage, affordability tests will come into it. Because your numbers, are immediately better, you are going to be better placed to buy a house. Your chances of a windfall from inheritance are double. If you can afford a mortgage but someone like the OP can't, then it further gets compounded because if you are privately renting your housing costs will be at a premium and you don't acquire long term assets.

So yeah, reasonable speaking, conservatively the OP is likely AT least £6k or £7k down on a couple both on £35k a year, when you crunch the numbers before you look at housing or any sort of actual lifestyle choices even though in theory the household income before tax is the same. The difference is likely to be far more than that.

That's effectively a disposable income gap.

As I say, this is fag packet stuff, but I've trying to be reasonably conservative here rather than inflate numbers.

Cheated absolutely OP! I’m 46 and if
yiou had told me 15 years ago I’d be on this salary ( 4k more than you) I’d have said I would be laughing ! And very well off! ) I have 2 DCs
one older ( living away) and one 4.5 years old, life at home with dad of little one, own home,
dad on about half my wage. We get by but you’re right! We just booked a cheap 4 days in Poland just for the exchange rate ! No lapland but Xmas markets as it’s cheaper! I was just moaning as I went to Tesco and bought ingredient for a beef stew it cost £40! Yes I got a cheap £7 bottle of wine for the stew but £32 for the other stuff seriously it’s ridiculous!

I know what you mean, I’m also on a good salary and we are comfortable in that we don’t have to worry about paying the next gas bill (and yes that’s an amazing place to be in and I’m grateful) but also feel like I can’t afford all the extras like nice holidays that I thought I would be able to afford.

My DH and I don’t bring in that combined but we rarely go without and holiday abroad every year. I’d check your outgoings.

What is the breakdown of the cost of your stew ingredients? Seems like mighty expensive stew steak!

I don’t post on here much or at all… but I am now… u need too get a grip…. If u can’t cope on 75k u are wasting money up the wall and need to look at your spending, that it. Poor you

It’s not that I’m saying I can’t pay for things it’s that I can’t do the things I would expect on this salary. It is a massive deal to think about going to Devon for a week. Going to New York for a week would be unimaginable at this point. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect to be able to do these things with relative ease every now and then. I simply can’t do that. As for spending 140 a week in Tesco for all things, bin bags are 4 pounds! Olive oil 8 pounds. Obviously these are not weekly items but I don’t know how it’s hard to understand how a weekly shop can be 140. There’s no alcohol or extravagant purchases going into it

The OPs point is not about coping - it’s that she didn’t think she would need to “cope” on that salary.

I was just moaning as I went to Tesco and bought ingredient for a beef stew it cost £40!

How?!

I bought a steak from Aldi for £2.99 this week. Like a steak. A good beef cut.

Even if I were to give a whole steak to three people in a stew, not a cheaper cut which is more suitable for stew, I have nfi have you've got to £40 for a stew for three including a 4 year old!

Are Tesco golden leafing the ingredients?! The whole point of a stew is to bulk out a cheap meat cut with cheap ingredients.

Life’s tough, and you have to get used to it. My husband was a stock farmer, worked for a fraction of what you get for 365 days a year and his first ever holiday was our honeymoon. They called me diversification, working for not a great deal while raising three kids. And I’m not moaning; it was hard but it’s how it was, and we’ve reach a comfortable retirement because of it. And it’s hard for everyone who actually works while raising a family, irrespective of the job, the salary or circumstances. Count your blessings.

The problem is everything is so expensive. So £75,000 feels like a really decent salary (and I bet, OP, growing up you thought £75,000 was a fortune and unattainable) and then you get there and you realise its still not enough to say 'lets go abroad', 'lets get the better car'. You add in a few months of car repairs, vet bills and needing to see the dentist and suddenly things are really difficult. Even on £75,000.

Back in the early 2000s I had a friend who said, as long as you earn your age (i.e. someone who is 28 should earn 28k) its enough. I think back then she was right. And then property prices absolutely exploded.

I continue to think.£140 per week for one adult and one not yet teen boy on food and toiletries is a lot.

I don't live your life so I can't understand the challenges you face as you progress through life, but maybe you might try take a step back and consider your blessings and be thankful for your good fortune. Personally some time ago I decided to forgo material progress in favour of spending more time with my family and more time pursuing my own interests. It isn't about how much money you receive each year, or how hard you work for what you get, rather it is about how you perceive what constitutes genuine quality of life and how much that quality depends on income and how much is simply beyond purchasing. The resource that is in the shortest supply for all of us, regardless of income, is time. Perhaps the ideal you have set yourself will never be reached because your income will never be enough. Think of the super rich. They never seem to be able to stop adding to their wealth, in spite of the amounts they amass. I'm not suggesting that you should settle for less that you are capable of working for, but I am urging you to look at thinkers who argue for finding a balance in life, who recognise that material well-being is not the only end of life. You are most likely two-thirds (or at least half-way) through your life and here you are worrying that 75k a year represents too little. Soon you will face old-age and death as we all have to, now is the time to consider that maybe your feeling of have being cheated is an illusion. Only you can decide the worth of that reflection; perhaps you are right to feel short-changed for having worked for hard for years and not really acheiving the kind of salary you feel you ought to have reached. You may be right to desire more money for your time and skills, or you could be perhaps you have misunderstood what is most valuable in life. Perhaps you do ought to do your best to see your income grows from 75k to 85k, 95k to 110k, or whatever. I hope you arrive at a decision that is right for yourself and that serves you well in the future.

Everyone is in the same boat as far as what we get for our money now. It is nowhere near what we used to get. There is a drastic difference and things that were once affordable, are now expensive for some and have become unaffordable for others.

You spend £140 a week in tesco for an adult and a child? I spend that for 3 adults and a nearly adult.

But they will not be only in reciept of £7.5k, their parents will be in reciept of multiple benefits