To have expected more in life from working to reach this salary?

[grethrow]

I’m early forties and earn 75k. I know this isn’t huge money but it’s well above average salaries in the uk. I worked hard to get to this point (I’m not saying people who earn less don’t work hard).

I guess along the way I always thought I would be able to have a really comfortable life on this salary. I have one ds who is 11 but his costs don’t really factor in much as his dad pays for most stuff (ds lives with me so dad pays a decent amount).

I assumed going on holiday would be easy but renting a cottage in Devon in a nice area for a week is around 1,500, then there’s travel costs and food etc when you’re there! Going abroad long haul is extortionate. I guess these things are just about doable for me but it’s not easy.

I am having a privileged whinge. I know that. But I do feel sometimes like maybe at 18 I shouldn’t have bothered. My parents had a similar income (taking into account inflation) and me and my brother both went to independent schools, grew up in a large home and parents had very nice cars. It wouldn’t be possible for me to go and buy a nice car outright. I know people have it much worse but I still feel cheated and like it is a slog for very little, fair of me to feel this? Do others feel this?

But how is a night out or a holiday out of reach? You must have a decent amount of disposable income?

Your mortgage and basic bills don't take all your income up do they?

I get the feeling that you are possibly saying that there have been sacrifices on the way to that 75k and that perhaps they have not been worth it? That's certainly how I feel. Costs have become so ridiculous that if you ever feel that you've got enough it all goes up again.

I have decided that plenty of people get by on less and that there is a balance to he had. My day-to-day, year-to-year is more important than some ideal that I might never get to. I am just about to sacrifice money to go part time for a bit to get a bit of my sanity back. I plan to go full time again in a bit as I still have a huge mortgage to pay...

All our holidays are in Britain, we don't have new cars, we live rather modestly and I have to make peace with that is how it is for us and try not to be jealous of others...

I presume your simpler life choices don't use all your money up.
If you just wanted to say that things are more expensive, then yes, we all know that. We all have relatively less to spend on the essentials and the fun stuff.

Regardless of that, OP's salary of 75k should allow her to lead a very comfortable life. Very few people go out and buy a new car outright, that's not a good benchmark for how comfortable you are.

Are you not able to save anything?

There’s no comparison, your first property was a council house or ex council house, which of course would have been so much cheaper, you sold it to get up the property ladder.Social housing is like hens teeth now let alone having the opportunity to buying one.It is harder for the younger generation today, it’s not a complaint it’s a fact, to get on the property ladder, to own their own home, then it was for their parents who are now in their 60’s+.That’s why so many people are renting today.Of course the cost of living is affecting everyone including high earners, however it’s property, child care costs that are so expensive, unobtainable for many.This is why there are more people renting today, on good salaries.Birth rates have gone down, why is that, speaks volumes.Of course the standard of living was so much better, property prices, 30 years ago, or whenever it was when you bought your first property.

The cost of living has just increased. You say why did you bother at 18 - I don't really get that. If you struggle on £75 k, surely you'd struggle on £40k?

I earn roughly half your salary but live comfortably enough. Second hand car, two bed rented property, two holidays a year (one abroad, one at home). With an extra £35k a year I'd be laughing.

I think it is all the things you just don't think about when you are earning more - for me it was things like choosing exactly what food/drink we wanted every week and not worrying where I got it from; never having to think about ordering takeaway or eating out; booking hotels when I travelled; buying presents for friends/family and treating them when we went out; popping into pubs after walks for meals and drinks. But I still was saving so much.

I have no idea what rich people do - I've never been one except for those two years when I was in the top 20-25% of earners. OP earns more than 90% of the population, and yet is wondering if she 'should have bothered'. Just how much would be worth bothering?

Oh, and now we hear the mortgage is 1200. So, OP, where is your money going? and why does £1500 for a holiday seem so out of reach?

OP how is life not comfortable?

You could be me - I have the exact same job as my dad did at my age on the same salary accounted for inflation, he had a 5 bed detached house in a very expensive part of the country, and a child in private school. I have a 3 bed semi detached box house some 30 miles away in the far less desirable area 😂 still privileged but the contrast in our lives is very evident!

Every generation is suffering from the huge rises in prices over the last few years.🤷‍♀️

OP I think the issue is our generation were brought up thinking we would do the same as/better than our parents. DH and I earn more than our parents did, but have a worse quality of life. Same with many of our friends. That's not to say our quality of life is "bad", just not what we expected for 2 professionals working full time! That said, we are in our most expensive phase of life with two kids at nursery, so things will get easier. But yes, I think most people can afford less than they were expecting to.

Maybe you should try living on half your salary and then you might appreciate what you have. Otherwise try watching Rich House Poor House

Some of the responses on here 🤣 honestly! It’s like only those on low incomes are allowed to admit to struggling.
”affordable” housing isn’t available if you’re on a decent income, so you have no choice but to pay more, which massively eats into the extra income you have over a low earner.
OP, you are NOT being unreasonable to find it difficult. I don’t care if you earn 10k or 100k, it’s all relative to the individual. Struggling is struggling, and whether your whinge is privileged or not, we should ALL be able to afford an annual holiday at the least

Our household understands you completely.

It's nowhere near what we thought we could do on this income ... unless we went into debt and didn't pay off our credit card every month so we could go on more expensive holidays and buy expensive cars, etc. like so many people we know. It seems we're the only ones who don't have multiple international holidays every year, expensive cars and 'label' clothes and shoes.

Instead we spend carefully, we bought a house we knew we could afford, even in mortgage rates went up, we buy secondhand cars when we must replace a car with cash, we never spend more than we can pay off at the end of the month on the credit card, etc.

@grethrowI don't know. I'm a single mother with an 11 year old, rent £850 a month, £80 a month from ex, income £25,000 (including U.C. top up) and I would definitely say we lead a comfortable life. Also, a more comfortable/luxurious life than my childhood in a similar set up and area. For example, I have central heating, affordable hot water, and can afford as much food as I like, and we eat out once or twice a month (none of those were possible in my 80s - 90s childhood).

I agree that holidays are very expensive. I save up for one UK holiday a year, although last year we went to the Canaries as well (costs about the same).

I think you must surely be able to afford what I'd consider high luxury, but you're feeling the effects of the cost of living rising and it makes you feel all that work is for nothing. I suppose a way to look at it is thank goodness you do have the results of your hard work, and your ex's payments for your son, to cushion the rising costs, as without all the effort you put in over the years it might be harder.

Do others feel this?

Not really. I earn quite a bit less than you (although still above the national average), no CMS and we still manage holidays abroad, dinners out etc. If you're not able to, perhaps you are spending the money you do have in the wrong areas?

If the fact that you don't have the money to buy a nice car outright is a problem to you, perhaps you should count your blessings.

YANBU, if you had told me when I was a kid what my household income is now I would have thought we were rich. What used to be comfortable is a bit less comfortable now.

Ok yes the cinema would be doable now but if I wanted to go out for the night for dinner and theatre and park car or get a taxi you’re looking at minimum 100 quid, likely much more

How ok earth can’t you afford £100 for a night out? You might prioritise other things, or not think it’s worth the money but on a take home of £4k plus, with a mortgage of £1.2k you have £2800 to play with, less other bills. Unless your monthly bills are really excessive you must have £100 somewhere. You might not be able to do that plus whatever else you use discretionary money for but that’s a choice about what you spend.

Your mortgage is less than a quarter of your net income. If you add bills you are spending £2k a month. That should leave you with another 2k plus for food, clothes, holidays, phone, kids activities. You must be very bad at budgeting if you can’t afford a holiday with that salary.

@grethrow your mum might not have been in paid employment but she presumably saved the family money in childcare fees? Do you have to outsource work (DIY, gardening etc.) that they could do themselves?

My DH doesn't work but he is very handy so saves me a fortune in decorators, gardeners, mechanics, logs, electricians, plumbers...

Her net income is £4500, take away a pension contribution and she should still have £2k a month after mortgage and bills. She could easily save £500 a months for holidays 🤷🏻‍♀️

EDIT: I missed she also gets maintenance and said most her DS stuff is paid by ex.

I don’t get how you can say you can’t afford a dinner out or a one week holiday!

The most l ever earned was 25k. And that was working shifts, in a junior managerial role.
I've been on my own for 25 years, and I have less than that now, I'm recently retired. I have a small occupational pension, plus my state pension. My rent and council tax are half of my income.
I try to save 10% of my income every month, so l have a bit in the bank, just in case. It's difficult in winter or like recently, when my car went wrong, it cost me a fortune to fix and l had to get a hire car until it was fixed so l could go to work.
I'm managing. I have to. I haven't had a holiday in 16 years, though, nor likely to have one anytime soon. I don't drink, smoke, very rarely go out, don't buy clothes. I heat the room I'm in. I'm saving a fortune on petrol now l've finished work, though.
I'm lucky, frankly. There's just me to think about, there are people bringing up families on what l have. I can't imagine how difficult that must be.

Anytime I am tempted to go down this rabbit hole I try very hard to focus on the positives. MIL sent this to us this week. It puts into words what I try to do.

I know what you mean OP, living standards are a lot lower than they were for our parents generation!

I think that’s it.

I’m a high earner and yes very privileged of course but also we did work very hard, long hours, long distance relationship, a lot of moving etc. quite often I wonder if it was worth it to be honest. We sacrificed living in the same place as our family, making friends and leaving them multiple times … money doesn’t go as far as it did for sure.

Shouldn’t people be worried that even those in the top 20%, 10% feel like the trade off isn’t working? If everyone feel like “what was the point” what does it do for productivity for the UK?