To not understand adult food vs kids food?

[SofandaCox]

I meet up occasionally with my old baby group. Our babies are 3 now. We met up yesterday for lunch and there’s a few in the group that are firmly in the adult foods are separate to kids food camp and I find it so bizarre. They make really weird comments like “why would you give that to a child” “my child would never eat that” “I wouldn’t waste that on a child” etc. my child has a long list of allergies and I’ve had gastric surgery so can’t much so we usually share a meal. The offending meal? Calamari. Basically chicken nuggets but wish squid. They acted like I had just purchased my toddler a fillet mignon with champagne and lobster tail. Which, again, don’t see the issue if that’s what he wanted! Has anyone experienced this? And also just to be so rude as to sit there and actually make comments about it. I’ve had judgey thoughts about them feeding their 3 year old jarred baby food but I’ve kept that to myself. It’s making me not want to meet up with them anymore but it would be a shame for my son as he enjoys spending time with the others toddlers.

I say good for you for not feeding your child the crap usually served up for kids! I was the same with my DS. As long as it was safe, the he had what we had pretty much from being weaned. I don’t add salt to meals so sodium was never an issue. I remember when he was really little (probably around 1 year old) I mentioned that the previous night I had made a Thai red curry (veggie version, lots of coconut milk) with cous cous, and my son had loved it, couldn’t get enough. My friend at the time was horrified 🤣 her baby was weaned exclusively on jars of baby food as she deemed that to be the safest thing possible.
Long story short, my DS is now 18, and he has such a broad taste for food-there’s literally nothing he won’t eat (I unfortunately am incredibly fussy 🤣 but he fortunately is the polar opposite)

HNRTT but in regards for your questions, except for the parent of the child with medical problems, I suspect the parents who commented represent what can sometimes appear to be the majority of parents of babies and children in that any parenting that differs from theirs in relation to food, sleep, discipline and so on is inferior, worthy of comment and a deliberate, unforgivable criticism of their parenting. It is usually intended to make the commenter feel better and the recipient feel worse.

Interestingly, the parents most likely to give advice are those who loathe being given advice and take any comments even if not directed at them as murderous criticism and a declaration of eternal war.

Good luck.

It’s easy to be smug when kids are 3…they then develop their own likes and dislikes and even children who were eating well at 1 can become very fussy and also have a mixed profile. My eldest can appear to be brilliant- starting to like curry, eats loads of fish and vegetables, loves mussels and other sea food. That child though hates pasta and pizza so is actually a real pain going to other people’s houses. Depending on what you served, she could look incredibly fussy.

My other child barely eats anything wellother than pasta and soup. We do try and encourage her to eat meals with us but she is also stubborn enough that she’d rather not eat. She won’t starve but you do have to meet her half way over the week so she’s getting meals she likes as well as ones she won’t eat brilliantly.

My DS ate curries, stir frys, loads of veg etc at a young age. Now, as a young teen he only ever picks Margarita Pizza or Fish and Chips from a restaurant menu. When ever I cook anything different he stares at it suspiciously and proclaims he is not going to eat it.

Parenthood is a journey.

YANBU but I think many people just have the palates of children themselves and can’t cook anything beyond chicken nuggets, so it’s no wonder they feed their own children the same crap.

It sounds like they are weirdly competitive about something which is a real non issue! I used to get horrified looks when both were little as they would just have what we had but we would order knowing to share so I wouldn't order chilli noodles for instance as they both hate spicy.

Mine usually eat from the kids menu now when out as that's usually the cheapest and they are happy with fish fingers etc. Unless there is a smoked salmon bagel on the menu which they both go nuts for and cost me a fortune!

Agree entirely with you. I always fed my DC whatever we were eating and we ate lots of spicy food - I fed both chappatis with chilli pickle from a road side stall in Gujurat, with no ill effects. And if they had fish-fingers that's what we all had. I don't like calamari in batter, so wouldn't order it (though Wagga mama's squid balls (!!) are good) but if DD or DS had wanted it in a restaurant then why not? Giving children baby food sets them up in unhelpful and unhealthy eating habits.

Same here I have 2 DC, both teens now.
DD (now 18) has always been fussy since the moment I started weaning and I was very earnest with my PFB doing all sorts of purees and Annabel Karmel recipes but she just didn't like almost everything. I remember wirking my way through a baby recipe book and cooking every meal in it and all were rejected. For probably a year she existed on mainly porridge, breadsticks, petit filous and chips. She's still fussy, hates food touching each other, anything spicy, different textures etc but has massively improved (thankfully)
DS started eating family meals pureed almost at the beginning of weaning and is infinitely less fussy!

Haha, I was so like you. "Oh DD will eat whatever we eat."

And age 4 she became the pickiest eater on the planet. If it wasn't beige and tasteless, it wasn't getting eaten. It took her till her teens to start expanding her range again.

And may the odds be ever in your favour 😁

Blimey, they would have a fit with my DD's tucking into buckets of moules frites 😂

Seriously, my kids always had the same as us. I was a complete pain in every restaurant insisting we didn't want kids menus, thank you very much, just starter portions of "normal" food.

DS was a total nightmare eater when he was younger. Refused the children's meal. He just wouldn't eat at all. He started to then eye up our meals.

He has been eating the 'adult' meals since he was 6. Now he eats better than I do out.

But he still won't touch school dinners or a nugget. He just likes nice food.*

I do not get children's food at all.

*Thankfully we've now trained him to eat McDonalds as that was a problem.

I remember a friend being amazed watching DC1, aged about 4, eating mussels and putting the shells in the colander. But kids eat what they see you eating. Both of mine had a passion for veggies.

Edited to add that one of mine was dubious about cauliflower until I told him it was ghost broccoli.

I don’t see it as rude to say “ my child would never eat that or really any of the comments

my fussy eater eats calamari

My three always loved garlic, as do my grandchildren. So pasta dishes and garlic bread always a winner. Kids meals aren't good.

At 3 it all might change. My youngest was fine as a small child and ate most things which was a relief because he had food allergies that meant his diet was already restricted. But once he outgrew his allergies and started school he got very fussy and at 12 still struggles with new food. His sisters are teenagers, one was never fussy, the other was within the normal range of fussiness but slowly added more food to her repertoire and is now, at 15, a complete foody.

All children go through a fussy stage, although some have it a lot worse than others depending on a combination of personality and parental attitude. It takes a lot of patience and acceptance that food will be wasted to get children through the fussy stage. When our teenage DDs have friends over most are much fussier than our DC and the DDs now tell us that the unfussy kids are from 'ingredients only' households. So parental cooking skills has a direct influence on children's diets. We really should be teaching cooking properly in schools so that everyone has the skills to feed their DC a variety of foods, it would have long term benefits.

Omg please, please order a fillet mignon and lobster tail for him next time 😅😅 it will be worth it to see the horror on their faces 🤣

Some kids like different foods, have different tastes just like adults do. I thought my older dd would never eat properly during weaning, she just hated it, only wanted to drink milk for ages. Now she’s 8 she’s really adventurous, will eat a wide variety of ‘adult’ food. You just deal with what you’re dealt with at the time, as with most things with kids some things are easier with some of them compared to others, there’s no point in judging.
I agree kids menus are generally pretty rubbish and cater only to the pickier eaters, i suspect they’re cheaper to make?

Always fed my children the same as us. They eat spicy food, and everything else.
kiddie food is just a marketing con and usually is beige and has little nutritional benefit

It's definitely a British thing. I say that as a Brit who was raised this way. Thankfully, I lived abroad during my teens and learned to love food. My 4 were all weaned on small, mashed up portions of whatever we were eating. We always eat together at the table and meal times are adventurous and varied. They have all gone through fussy stages of refusing to eat certain things, but I haven't changed the way I cook as a result. The only adjustments would be a big spoon of plain yoghurt if I make a meal too spicy (they actually all love spicy food thank god!). Eating out here is difficult - the younger ones can't eat an adult sized meal, but often don't want the crap offerings on the kids menu. We tend to stick to Chinese, Indian, Japanese for that reason. Of course there are kids with allergies and sensory needs and they should be catered for, but many fussy kids are just that way because their parents weaned them on junk.

My son is a picky eater.

I tried the whole, they just eat what you eat etc and he wasn't having it.

Having said that, when we last went out for a pub meal, he had the boeuf bourgninon with mash rather than a burger or nuggets etc. He doesn't like burgers or breaded food but likes mash, veg and soft meat.

I don't care whether it's a kids menu item or not, nor do I do the faux confusion over kids vs adult meals. Some kids are fussy, some aren't. I'm just happy when we get him a meal he likes!

When people say it's a British thing, they are not claiming that all parents in Britain are like this, obviously. Just that it's a pattern which can be observed in Britain more so than many other countries.

These smug mums posting about their gourmet kids eating everything are extremely irritating. I cooked from scratch for my kids whenever I could and tried to feed them the same diet as us but it doesn't always work out that way. Out of three children one eats everything, one is extremely fussy and one is somewhere in between.

People assume their children won't like things that are controversial with adults- e.g. seafood, olives, certain cheeses, tomatoes, things with unusual textures like tofu or calamari. But children don't know what they like, and aren't always conditioned to not like controversial flavours like fish or blue cheese.

I understand not giving your child a risky new food if you can't afford/bear to waste it- especially something like calamari. But that doesn't make it unsuitable for a child!

I can't stand fish and cheese but my kids love them! Purely because I'm not the type of parent to care about money being wasted on experiencing new things, and I don't share my negative opinions on things like food- that can be so toxic

Three year olds being served puréed food from a jar? Do the parents not understand the importance of solid food at that age (and younger) to develop healthy teeth, and jaws? They’ll be complaining of speech problems next 🙄 I’d ignore them, OP, no point engaging with that level of stupid!