To not understand adult food vs kids food?

[SofandaCox]

I meet up occasionally with my old baby group. Our babies are 3 now. We met up yesterday for lunch and there’s a few in the group that are firmly in the adult foods are separate to kids food camp and I find it so bizarre. They make really weird comments like “why would you give that to a child” “my child would never eat that” “I wouldn’t waste that on a child” etc. my child has a long list of allergies and I’ve had gastric surgery so can’t much so we usually share a meal. The offending meal? Calamari. Basically chicken nuggets but wish squid. They acted like I had just purchased my toddler a fillet mignon with champagne and lobster tail. Which, again, don’t see the issue if that’s what he wanted! Has anyone experienced this? And also just to be so rude as to sit there and actually make comments about it. I’ve had judgey thoughts about them feeding their 3 year old jarred baby food but I’ve kept that to myself. It’s making me not want to meet up with them anymore but it would be a shame for my son as he enjoys spending time with the others toddlers.

Yeah, it's luck. I know far two many siblings who were both given everything like my DC yet one will happily live off a diet of beige.

Too many* obvs

I totally agree OP, ours will sometimes have some fish fingers or the like but generally, my husband is the cook of the house and will just cook one big meal and it’s for everyone — seldom beige!

If you are one of the “my child eats what I eat” people I guarantee it’s more down to luck than excellent parenting.

When DD was a baby I followed all the advice, no pouches, baby led weaning, fed her what I was having and she was a great eater as a baby. Then from around 3 she just started with food refusal and eating beiger and beiger foods. She has issues with texture and mixing food and dislikes most vegetables.

At 11 she’s finally being assessed and I believe we’ll get an ASD diagnosis. We’re lucky she doesn’t have extreme food aversions or anything like that. She will try foods and I’ll often ask her to try curries etc but she almost never likes them. She will eat a variety of pastas, lasagna and likes a good roast. She doesn’t mind steak and loves hoisin duck, but her preferences still tend to be bland - pizza, goujons, chips, mash.

I was an extremely fussy eater in the 80s and used to actually gag if my mum made me eat potato. I didn’t even eat chips. Now I’ll eat almost anything so people do grow out of it

You could say that about all seafood, you just happen not to like calamari. I’d say nuggets and fish fingers have a vile UPF texture whereas calamari don’t the similarity is in the breadcrumb coating.

OP is right, the idea that calamari is showing off is peak MN.

I would agree to an extent however, far too many people scoffed when DS was first eating that one i didn’t force food down him and two that he wasn’t ordered a special meal and just ate off our plates. It does help if they see parents eating the same meal.

I don’t think she is showing off. I do think she is privileged that her children eat that kind of thing. My eldest eats calamari, along with anything and everything else. My middle will not. She would eat nothing rather than eat calamari. So yes I probably would end up buying her something elsewhere if we were somewhere with no kids menu. You’re misunderstanding me, I’m not advocating for chicken nuggets. I’m saying some children will only eat that kind of thing, and it’s ridiculous when you haven’t experienced it, to think that’s because the child hasn’t been exposed to adult foods. I have three children, all have been weaned the same way and all have been exposed to the foods I eat. Within a week of weaning all three of them were given shellfish. I have two who eat shellfish, and one who won’t even pick it up now. She is the way she is. However, I just wouldn’t take her somewhere that didn’t have a kids menu that I knew she’d eat from to be honest, so op would never know 😂 although I have no shame in my daughters food preferences so I probably would just say, sorry that restaurant doesn’t cater for her, she won’t eat seafood and needs somewhere that will serve pasta or chicken nuggets.
i in no way think children should only eat chicken nuggets.
but suggesting that calamari is the same as chicken nuggets is just mental, it’s very obviously in no way like a chicken nugget…proven by the fact that children who only eat chicken nuggets wouldn’t eat calamari 😂😂😂

Stand up for yourself and when they criticise you, throw back and say where on a baby food jar does it say suitable for age 3.

I loved creating exciting meals for my first baby from 6 months, it was lockdown so a bit of interest. Second baby this year I haven’t had so much time but he gets pretty much everything we eat. His nursery are very big on proper adult meals, lamb tagines, curries, mexican, pastas, loads of fruit and veg. Very much baby led.

My biggest tip for anyone wanting to take this approach to baby weaning is have a constant stock of creme fraiche! Make your own food and if a bit too spicy, throw a teaspoon of creme fraiche in theirs. Want to make a quick dip, creme fraiche is your friend! Works in anything from breakfast, lunch, tea to dessert!.

but suggesting that calamari is the same as chicken nuggets is just mental

To you, to me it’s obvious there’s no major difference between any of them - nuggets, scampi, calamari, fish fingers - they’re all breaded white meat. The only real difference is in the level of processing.

I saw an article recently on the BBC on fussy eaters which reported it to be down to genetics and not influenced by parenting. If you have a fussy eater you have a fussy eater, then that’s it. It is said to peak between 2-4yrs old, tail off, have another peak at 7ish and then tail off, with not much discernible difference at teen years.

One of my twins is very fussy, the other will eat anything – they were given the same treatment with eating and food since birth which was baby led weaning. One twin simply stopped cold at eating what was on offer, the other didn’t.

@fivebyfivebuffy I just wanted to say this is a really lovely post. I wish you were one of my colleagues.

I saw an article recently on the BBC on fussy eaters which reported it to be down to genetics and not influenced by parenting. If you have a fussy eater you have a fussy eater, then that’s it. It is said to peak between 2-4yrs old, tail off, have another peak at 7ish and then tail off, with not much discernible difference at teen years.

Which is why I blame DH for DS being a fussy eater 😁DH was also very fussy as a small child, he's not fussy as an adult.

I'm firmly in the "everyone should eat the same meal" camp. Sadly, my daughter isn't and will point blank refuse to eat most sauces, spices or any kind of meal with vegetables and meat mixed together. I swore I'd never make separate meals but I have started to set aside the same food we are eating and cooking it plain without spices or sauce (e.g. if we're having chicken and broccoli curry she'll have grilled chicken, broccoli and rice) because at least that way she's eating vegetables, protein and carbs. I had so hoped that she would be the kind of kid who eats and enjoys everything and I followed all the advice.

I was pretty fussy as a child and both myself and my Dsis had eating disorders in our teens/20s.

As I said in a previous post I did all the "right" things with weaning my PFB literally following guidance yo the letter, but DD just didn't like a massive amount of stuff I was making. I cooked vegetables, pureed what we were eating, she just didn't like it. I found it pretty stressful. I saw a dietician and they said just give what she will eat....which was mainly bland (and carbs)

Obviously I've gradually introduced more foods but it's really really not through lack of exposure or lack of effort that she doesn't like so many things. My philosophy having had an eating disorder, and knowing they can be genetic is that I'm OK if she's eating meals, is a healthy weight and occassionally trying new things.

She's 18 now and would still order a kids meal of she could get away with it

I just find it pretty annoying that so many people seem to suggest it's as simple as "just give them what you're eating" ....because they had a child who happened to like that stuff!

Eating the same meal does not mean having to eat things you don't like. Individual portions can be modified accordingly and, if that isn't possible, something else provided. It's important that everyone sits down at the table to eat together.

As a child I did not like beef in any form. When my mum cooked beef for her and my dad, she would do me a chicken portion.

My son always loved food and ate well but there were things he wouldn't touch, like mushrooms and custard, or cheese sauce. Not a big deal, he just didn't have them.

Yep, it's definitely British. When I go abroad, kids just eat what the adults eat.

We almost always gave our DSs the same food we were eating. As a result they’ve grown up and we know they will always find something to eat. It’s not been plain sailing though as eldest doesn’t like cheese or mushrooms, youngest won’t eat fruit, peas or cooked tomatoes.

I always hated that the children’s menu was usually cheap, fried foods and not what I wanted them to have. Did cause an issue with the in-laws once when youngest wanted what we were having but they were expecting him to eat from the cheaper children’s menu.

Nobody should eat calamari anymore. Squid, octopus and cuttlefish are too intelligent.

feeding baby food in a jar to a three year old though? I’d judge them so hard.

we just have the kids whatever we were having.

YANBU. wish my little one would share calamari. he begrudgingly eat a piece of fillet mignon if i cook it just right 🙄

Feed them whatever they like. My baby once had bombay potatoes, cried because they were too spicy, but kept eating them 😄

Yeah it’s English culture

Most kids seem to exist on extremely bland food for the first 12 or so years of their life. The vast majority of my children's friends (no special needs) eat things like plain pasta (absolutely nothing added), plain dry toast, fish fingers, sausages. Not much flavour anywhere, except for the ketchup.
My kids don't eat everything I set in front of them, and I don't expect them to eat anything very spicy, but I don't cook foods like plain pasta (mainly because they're more or less free of nutrients) so they've never really had a choice.

you obvs don't belong on MN.....you talk too much sense!!

There are sensory issues in our house so it is, I'm afraid, very beige "kids foods". But that isn't through choice and I do actually think kids should eat what we eat Subject to anything unwise I.e. super hot spices etc if not used to them. I think your friends perhaps aren't treating them like people of equal importance if they're saying things like certain foods are a waste on kids. The only similarish situation I can speak to, given the beige preference referenced at the start of my response, is how i let my youngest choose his own meal when out and don't make him share with my eldest who doesn't always eat her own. He is a person with choices too and shouldn't have to eat her beige preferences if he doesn't want to. Leftovers I take home so no waste. But I've had a lot of comments for that.

salmon, sushi, Coq au vin, lemon and prawn fettuccine,

You know eating waitrose posh nosh doesnt make you a better person you know?