I'm different! Help

[PleaseDontBeMean]

Generally I think differently to most people I know and usually differently to the majority.

For example (please please don't berrate me for this....) I voted leave and everyone I know, listen to, and care about voted remain. This kind of difference pervades my life.

I also often pick up on different aspects of an idea in a conversation or on a Mumsnet post, to most people, which some might think misses the point (eg. 'Jade was visiting her elderly parent when she broke down on the motorway. Recovery vehicle took 6 hours to arrive. Should she complain?' I might say - 'hope the elderly mum was ok'. Or 'next time might be helpful if she could check her car is working/has enough fuel etc.. before travelling'.)

Now, in normal everyday life, my different views and ways of seeing the world don't really impact me or anyone else. I spend a lot of time on my own which I enjoy! I have good friends, a wonderful DH and children, and lovely colleagues. In company when I disagree with someone I usually just smile and nod along with them because I don't want people to hate me for my views. I'm ok with this. I have lovely friends etc.. and I like to just listen, support them and absorb what they say and am happy not to give an opinion. I reflect on their thoughts later, sometimes I change my own views, sometimes I don't.

However, on Mumsnet it's a massive problem! On lots of posts I tend to disagree with the majority opinion. But when I express my opinions I get horrible responses like 'you r ignorant, you r uneducated, you area f*!ing this or that' or people will hound me off the thread or get me so mixed up that I accidentally phrase something badly and then it's 'see, the poster is horrible/showing her true colours/evil/nasty/only here to troll/should be hung/....'

So question - if you were me, what would you do?

Would you just stop contributing on Mumsnet? (I sort of don't want to do this, because I like to give my opinion and join in like everyone else! but maybe I should just accept I can't!)

What tips can you give me so that when/if I do contribute an idea that is different or opposes the majority on a thread, it doesn't come across as trolling, passive-aggressive, or insincere?? (things I get accused of often!)??

(I don't think I'm ignorant or uneducated as I'm often accused of. I have an IQ in the MENSA range so I do understand various arguments and political ideas on the whole! Its possible I may be neurodiverse, I dont know (but I'm not interested in getting myself a diagnosis just to understand why I think differently as I'm happy enough in my normal life).

I just wish I could give my opinions on Mumsnet without being hounded and criticised and people thinking I'm a troll. I actually find this a good space to offer my opinions and views because I do like to hear them challenged as it makes me think and sometimes it does actually change my views. But maybe for my own MH I should stop? It does get me down when people ultimately conclude I'm nasty/piece of shit/trolling as I start to question if this is true. I don't think it is true though as I would do anything for anyone and I think I'm overall quite nice! but when you get told it in writing it does make you worry and feel sad!

Yes exactly this. Then after several posts they’ll start saying they’ve explained themselves and you get confused as to where and when as it’s just a load of waffle with no actual backup.

No - before I spoil it for myself.

I've found this thread very helpful but I can sense a few people getting a little frustrated. I have found some responses on here really valuable and am going to try and do a few things a bit differently moving forward and reflect a bit on how I phrase things and use some of the advice given. So I'm going leave this thread now for a bit and try not to post anymore (though I can't seem to help myself but am going to try and leave now!) before I inevitably say something stupid or things go a bit tits up (which I blame noone for but myself @Sidebeforeself )

I've found this thread very helpful but I can sense a few people getting a little frustrated.

Genuine question - do you have any idea, whatsoever, why people are getting a bit frustrated? Have you read, or understood, any of the posts in which people have expressed that you're refusal to provide evidence, ignoring of questions etc might be the problem?

I’m struggling to understand what you want people to tell you.

There’s no ‘Get out of jail free ‘ card that everyone else uses to avoid disagreement. If you post about controversial or emotive topics, then you shouldn’t be surprised when people respond with controversial or emotional responses.

If you don’t like the tone of other people’s responses, tell them. Argue your point. If they break MN rules, report them. Or post on a forum with a debating tone you agree with. Brexit has negatively impacted the lives of many- why should they treat your opinions about it with kid gloves just because you see yourself as a delicate flower?

I wonder if it's the poster who changes her name frequently, posts 10-20 threads in quick succession normally about snaky coworkers and then gives barely any information before moving on to a new name. The magic circle / big 4 / Teach First poster. Although that one has an autism diagnosis already or so they say and doesn't normally thank and flounce but just disappears so perhaps not.

No, that one never posts more than a sentence or two at a time. Mostly questions and opinions are vague.

You're not different, you just have unpopular political views. Unless you actually got called evil and racist for enquiring after the old lady on the car breakdown thread which I sincerely doubt.

As for examples, the only times I've seen a pile on is when there's a board set up for a group of people supporting a common theme or a thread that appears to be mostly people agreeing, and someone with different views goes bouncing in uninvited and tactlessly criticises everything the people on that board support.

These are all silly examples, (apart from the ND boards one where it happens a lot!) but hopefully they will give you an idea why people can be annoyed or irritated by a contrary opinion and pile on saying they are being trolled etc.

e.g telling the posters on a healthy eating board they are doing it all wrong and should adopt a slob lifestyle as their ideas are all wrong.

e.g. posting on a breastfeeding support board to tell them they are all wrong, they are all costing the formula manufacturers a fortune in profits and causing mass redundancies, due to their 'selfish' choices.

e.g. posting on one of the neurodiversity boards where a parent is asking for advice about the behaviour of a diagnosed child to tell them their child's condition is part a self deluded figment of their imagination and partly a moneymaking enterprise to swindle the benefits system. And for good measure the child's condition doesn't exist, it's all down to useless parenting.

OP, If in any way you could appear to be posting in the same manner as the examples shown above, then perhaps you can begin to understand why the responses you received were not welcoming.

This strikes me as a TAAT so it will probably get deleted. To my mind if I’m disagreeing with most of Mumsnet I’m probably doing pretty well at life. I think on the whole it’s a pretty obnoxious place so you keep giving your opinion, I’ll be grateful for the company 👍

What does TAAT mean?

Thread about a thread but actually it’s fine to make a thread inspired by a thread.

OP, sometimes it's not actually possible to hit that sweet spot where people understand your beliefs perfectly but also still think you're a nice person. Sometimes there's nothing you can do about that.

It can be tempting to keep trying to explain your views in different ways, over and over again, to chase that sweet spot, but people may not realise you're doing that. They may just see you as someone who won't stop bloody going on about how right you are and how wrong they are.

Thanks :) I do think that probably happens a fair bit with me.

You are so very obviously not a 'leave' voter op - I'm not fooled for a second!

This post in particular is a poorly disguised attack on 'leave' voters.

That's what I thought when I read the examples. They don't sound like differentiated thinking at all - the majority voted leave, and in the latter example it just sounds like you have missed (or are deliberately choosing to miss) the point.

On the latter, it might help to imagine a debating match, or even an exam question. There are infinite interesting points to be made, but they should all target the question being asked.

Eh? 🤣

Thanks. I dont see myself as a delicate flower! 🙂

So why do you think there’s some magic verbal formula which allows potentially explosive views to be received pleasantly online?

You claim you never express these views in real life for fear of being ‘hated’. Why do you imagine the internet will be any different?

If you say what you believe, who cares if people agree with you?

My question still stands though on why do you hold those views and where did they come from, we are all influenced by our environments, the media we consume with social media, the news, the books we read, the TV we watch, the theatre we go to. And if those views are yours through real critical thinking and you have strong beliefs then it wouldn't matter to you on what other people say, because you would know that to you, at least, you are write.

A bit like religion where you have huge swaths of people believing in one thing and a load of others who believe it is made up nonsense but those with that faith continue to believe regardless of what is said, the surround themselves with other believers because it is unshakeable to them. They don't care about those with opposing views because God loves us all / we will all die in a fiery apocalypse.

If you are getting upset by what others might think of you for your views then they aren't strong or unshakeable.

Did you just turn up on the thread with the woman who has a gut feel about her partner?! I think maybe you have.