I'm different! Help

[PleaseDontBeMean]

Generally I think differently to most people I know and usually differently to the majority.

For example (please please don't berrate me for this....) I voted leave and everyone I know, listen to, and care about voted remain. This kind of difference pervades my life.

I also often pick up on different aspects of an idea in a conversation or on a Mumsnet post, to most people, which some might think misses the point (eg. 'Jade was visiting her elderly parent when she broke down on the motorway. Recovery vehicle took 6 hours to arrive. Should she complain?' I might say - 'hope the elderly mum was ok'. Or 'next time might be helpful if she could check her car is working/has enough fuel etc.. before travelling'.)

Now, in normal everyday life, my different views and ways of seeing the world don't really impact me or anyone else. I spend a lot of time on my own which I enjoy! I have good friends, a wonderful DH and children, and lovely colleagues. In company when I disagree with someone I usually just smile and nod along with them because I don't want people to hate me for my views. I'm ok with this. I have lovely friends etc.. and I like to just listen, support them and absorb what they say and am happy not to give an opinion. I reflect on their thoughts later, sometimes I change my own views, sometimes I don't.

However, on Mumsnet it's a massive problem! On lots of posts I tend to disagree with the majority opinion. But when I express my opinions I get horrible responses like 'you r ignorant, you r uneducated, you area f*!ing this or that' or people will hound me off the thread or get me so mixed up that I accidentally phrase something badly and then it's 'see, the poster is horrible/showing her true colours/evil/nasty/only here to troll/should be hung/....'

So question - if you were me, what would you do?

Would you just stop contributing on Mumsnet? (I sort of don't want to do this, because I like to give my opinion and join in like everyone else! but maybe I should just accept I can't!)

What tips can you give me so that when/if I do contribute an idea that is different or opposes the majority on a thread, it doesn't come across as trolling, passive-aggressive, or insincere?? (things I get accused of often!)??

(I don't think I'm ignorant or uneducated as I'm often accused of. I have an IQ in the MENSA range so I do understand various arguments and political ideas on the whole! Its possible I may be neurodiverse, I dont know (but I'm not interested in getting myself a diagnosis just to understand why I think differently as I'm happy enough in my normal life).

I just wish I could give my opinions on Mumsnet without being hounded and criticised and people thinking I'm a troll. I actually find this a good space to offer my opinions and views because I do like to hear them challenged as it makes me think and sometimes it does actually change my views. But maybe for my own MH I should stop? It does get me down when people ultimately conclude I'm nasty/piece of shit/trolling as I start to question if this is true. I don't think it is true though as I would do anything for anyone and I think I'm overall quite nice! but when you get told it in writing it does make you worry and feel sad!

You need to get it out of your head that you are "different" than everyone. If have an opposing view or are in the minority for everything you are just contrary.

Unless, of course, you hugely lack confidence and you like to people please?

I'm sorry, but what you're describing isn't something I can visualise. I genuinely can't imagine what wording you are using or views you're expressing to have this happen to you all the time. Now and again on polarising subjects like Brexit, fair enough, but for it to be a constant thing...?

Impossible really to progress this further without some examples, OP. I'm absolutely baffled at what it could be that regularly gets you hounded! I mean, is it simply the case that you hold unpopular opinions and they get strong reactions?

My boss used to say if you always have issues with people everywhere you go you are the common denominator.

No one can analyse how you phrase your posts if you don't want to give specific examples. None of us have any idea how you present your opinions.

In general, if you know you hold significantly different views from the majority, and those views are often thought of negatively, then you will need to develop a much tougher skin. Ignore rude posters, and/or report them. Just respond to those actually engaging with your points. And work on not giving a toss about what anonymous strangers think about you from the limited interaction you have on here with them.

Thank you @CharlotteLucas3

I've actually taken quite a bit from this thread. So, in an attempt.to be the new me! I think I'm going to cut and run now because I can sense it might all go wrong soon and I feel like I've actually found some posts on here really helpful! So I'm going to take these tips advice and messages and leave the thread now before I inevitably ruin it!

Thank you everyone who posted I've found your comments really helpful

Yes. It's just my views. People don't like them :( (and hence, me. I think)

Anyway, I'm off now! Thanks all for contributing I appreciate your advice and messages v much

Basically as long as you are not being nasty, in terms of using purposefully goady language or insulting people, if people are offended by your opinion and go after you for it then the solution is to care less what other people think. I used to be like you until I finally got my anxiety under control thanks to meds (SSRI and blockers) and I feel so much more comfortable. I have AuDHD and very often ‘think differently’ to others, rightly or wrongly. It’s just who I am. It used to cause me a lot of distress but now I’m just 🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone is entitled to their opinions as long as you’re not just being nasty.

Couldn't agree more!

People who like to see themselves as ''Different'' are actually not.

They are just being tiresome and contrary just for the sake of it.

There will be millions of people who think just like them.

Perhaps it's your phrasing opinions that appears to be in a goady way? I generally only post on a thread if I can add advice or support that hasn't already been voiced. Never been called out for having a different opinion though, there are ways to put an alternative view across without seeming like a troll. I do like to see all sides of an issue and I tend to be the problem solver in my wider family as most people can only see their point of view. I will often play devil's advocate in most arguments whether I agree or not.

I was more or less as far to the left as you but about 3 notches down towards libertarian.

Quite honestly then, the answer is that your answers and your opinions are ones that other people consider offensive or stupid. So you can phrase them however you like but at the end of the day, if you think your answers are the kind that will make people on this thread not "like you" then that's the way it is. You'd b e better off finding people who think similarly to you - either on another forum or in real life.

You mention you'd probably be accused of being sexist. I see that a lot. Its 2024 so it can be quite shocking for a lot of women these days to realise how many women still buy into old fashioned tropes about femininity and equality. Probably even more so on MN where thousands of women share their stories and experiences. If you have those sort of views, then yes, you're probably going to find yourself unpopular here. [shrug].

Say what you want, it's good to get different points of view otherwise it becomes like the conspiracy theorists echo chambers where only one view is permitted. If you tend to be very blunt you could try to mellow a little.

OP's going to drop a bombshell in a bit that she supports everyone being culled from the age of 40 onwards to assist with population control, or that she thinks anyone on benefits should be sterilised, and then we'll all realise why she gets called names on Mumsnet. 😂

I say what I think and I don't care how people respond to it.

Maybe look into why it bothers you? Do you maybe have self-esteem issues where you've been belittled into thinking random people's opinions are right and yours are wrong?

Those things are on par with voting leave, which she's already admitted to.

🤣🤣nope! (I'm really not the horrible person I get told I am on here!)

I’ve done that twice now😁 somehow by changing my name it’s like the pile on didn’t happen to me but that other person.

I don’t like being piled on so I now try to think ahead and if I think I might get roasted I’ll either amend or delete the post. I come on here for a bit of light relief so try not to get too involved and steer away from the more dark or contentious threads.

You do realise if you don’t actually give examples of why you’re supposedly piled on then you’re just proving your own point on this thread? Either link a thread or give examples here, not just a dangling thread and a load of self pity.

Well yeah but you must know that you’re likely to attract strong backlash with things like that because predominantly Mumsnet is more left leaning? So of course you got flamed and I wouldn’t say it’s because you’re special or different.

If anyone says 'you are fucking ..' and it's an insult, report it as a personal attack.

MN will remove it. Not seen many of those types of replies in ages though tbh.

Yeah, Iwas wondering this. There are a lot of posters who can be very frustrating to engage with - they n ever actualyl answer the questions they're asked and/or ignore the counter arguments or, like in this case, keep repeating how something is, without ever actually providing any evidence. It can get really really frustrating.

Before you go OP, I think that everyone holds back their views on some things because they know that it won’t be well received. Sometimes it’s the timing, sometimes the audience and sometimes it’s just that people don’t want to hear it. Your view could be totally valid and well reasoned but that does mean that you need to share it.

What a strange ending. “Ive found this thread really useful so Im going to go now before someone spoils it”