Who's in the wrong ? Big fight with H

[bluba]

I called him today as I yet again had bad feedback from nursery regarding my youngest.

It keeps happening and it's upsetting and stressful. My H thinks I don't ' handle ' people properly and should ' put them in their place '. Letting them know that our child is only young and just needs a cuddle and that it's normal kids act up and they should ' just deal with it' .

I disagree with this exact approach and like to hear out the nursery workers to get an understanding of what's going on. Anyway today, they gave bad feedback about aggressive behaviour and I didn't really have time to chat for too long or delve into it. I listened to the complaint and kind of went ' oh no ' ' ok ', I'll chat to my child at home. I was rushed off my feet and needed to get going to get my other child. Plus, some other parents were there and I wasn't in a mood to have this chat in front of them. My plan is to ask for an actual meeting ( away from pick up and drop off times, as you can't really talk properly ).

Anyway, H kept asking why I didn't discuss it further. He literally asked me, not kidding 8 times on the phone why I didn't ' put them in their place '. I said I didn't have time delve and needed to go. ' but why didn't you ? ' ' why do you always let them get away with stuff '... etc etc. in the end I shouted and hung up the phone and told him F off. I know. I'm not proud. I just lost it.

Then when he came home, we talked about it again and he asked me again why didn't I tell them that our child is really young etc and I again got mad and said to F off ( I think ). He then lost it and said I'm the reason my child is aggressive.

Our kids were watching TV in the other room so didn't hear us swearing but came in once they heard us shouting at each other and told us to stop shouting. We did and we apologised to them for getting angry with each other and explained how sometimes people fight but they talk about things and make up again.

I know, neither of us is coming off particularly well here. I've been really calm lately in general. I've not shouted or got angry in the last six months but I have been known to occasionally get angry at my husband because he just does not hear me sometimes, like today. I've really worked on it and I don't think it's fair to blame me on my child's issues at nursery at the moment.

I think what he said was extremely hurtful and way worse than what I said to him. I just don't feel like he hears me.

Anyway, I'm sure most responses will just say we are both idiots.

It really isn't perfectly safe to talk on Bluetooth while driving, and there are loads of studies that demonstrate that. They're is no way that having an animated conversation about your child's behaviour (and talking to your child as well) leaves you able to concentrate on the road. It extremely foolish and dangerous.

That aside, it's also a terrible way to communicate about a problem, and no doubt led to the fractiousness of the interaction. If you've something difficult to discuss, you choose a quiet time, face to face, when you can focus properly, not when you're both multitasking. And when the child isn't present.

He sounds like a dick.

Nursery workers know age appropriate behaviour very well- and better than your H. If they are raising stuff with you it means that it’s an issue and potentially a big one (aggressive behaviour to other kids at any age is absolutely not on).

Sounds to me like you need to book an appointment with your H to discuss things properly with nursery- then he can see how far he gets. But in general terms if you go around “putting people in their place” instead of trying to listen to legitimate concerns your DS won’t get very far. Certainly it won’t go down well at school at all.

It's not illegal to use a hands-free phone while driving, but it's just as dangerous as using a handheld phone:

*Research shows that using a hands-free phone while driving creates the same risks of a collision as using a handheld phone. Drivers using a phone, whether hands-free or handheld, can:

Take up to a second longer to react to hazards

Be less likely to notice hazards

Fail to see up to 50% of the information in their driving environment

Have slower reaction times than drivers impaired by alcohol

Enforcement
Police can stop drivers who they deem not in control because of distraction, including through the use of a hands-free phone.

Having slower reaction times then someone drink driving is pretty terrifying. With your child in the car, while arguing with your husband in the phone, you were as dangerous as a drunk driver.

Why it's dangerous

@saraclara thanks for sharing that, it's definitely useful to know.

But I've done nothing illegal here.

Like I said, for the entirety of the conversation I was in a queue at stand still anyway.

But I'll bear the video in mind for the future.

But it isn't a big issue according to the head and SENCO.