Is it selfish to spend Christmas Day at home?

[Tallzaragirl]

This isn't a wwyd as I'm not looking to change my mind, but I'm interested in opinions on this,

Is it selfish to simply spend every Christmas at home in your own house? We do this, I mentioned it to a friend and she was shocked and actually said "omg that is so selfish".

Our situation is that there is myself, dh and two children.

My parents live nearby but aren't fussed and don't really make much of Christmas.

In laws live a 30 minute drive away, mil loves Christmas, fil hates it. We have spent the day with them in the past but haven't enjoyed it for various reasons. Not being able to have a drink, kids getting bored, kids wanting to stay home in their pyjamas and play, fil being miserable and obnoxious. In laws inviting various other people without telling us.

We decided that we were going to stay at home and that people are free to stop by if they choose.

We are happy with this, it's one of the only days of the year where we get to really relax as we are constantly on the go.

Absolutely not selfish.

Christmas becomes a circus if you let it.

Children are 20 & 24 now and we still all stay at home Christmas Day. Not selfish at all.

Do as you please.

It’s self care, not selfish to spend Christmas Day at home.

I’d invite your MIL properly. Poor woman, stuck on her own with the Grinch.

Nope. This will be our 7th in a row doing exactly that - just me, DH and DS. We put on clean PJs, watch TV and eat cheese.

what a weird response from your friend.

I stopped visiting family when our DC were small, and even now they're all adults and one has their own DC, they all still come home. It's the one day of the year that you shouldn't have to stand on ceremony or make polite conversation. We did one year with DH's stepfather and family, and never repeated the experience, in fact I threatened DH with divorce if he even suggested it.

I can't wait see how it's selfish, weird thing to say.

We've started doing the same, maybe visiting one set of parents Xmas eve or boxing day. And may visit the other for breakfast.

For similar reasons to yourself we have a young child who doesn't like to sit still and just wants to play with their new toys and having a cranky child is not fun for anyone.

Def nothing wrong with it, I spent one Xmas at my xmil and that was it, I went to my mums and he went to his every year u til I dumped him. ‘IDs came with me as his mums was boring.

I don't think it's selfish to want to be at home but it is a bit mean not to ever invite either set of parents to join you for dinner

Assuming someone in your house is cooking a meal then it would be no extra effort to cook for an extra 2 people

Should have added, mil her dd (sil) every other year and also has her sister nearby, so when not with her dd she goes to her sisters.

We also have open house so if anyone wants to stop by to exchange presents, they are welcome.

How will you feel if they stop @Junkemail ?

We always have Christmas at home but since I'm hosting the five thousand it doesn't exactly feel selfish. In your situation I'd invite your parents and your ILs to your house.

In your situation, no.

Can it be selfish? Absolutely.

My parents wouldn't want to come.

Mil likes to host her own way so wouldn't come for dinner.

No, on the contrary, it’s self-full. It’s your Christmas. Spend it the way that makes you happy.

YANBU

Some make it out to be this off thing but many families spend Christmas in their home and go visit family Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, or skip years.

Plus, after awhile it becomes tedious and expensive to constantly travel to visit family for Christmas every year especially when you have smaller children and they get older and want to spend Christmas at home more where they can relax and do what they like in their own home.

Apologies I meant @Patienceinshortsupply how will you feel if your adult DC stop visiting?

This is NOT selfish. It's a superb idea and action on your and your immediate families part. Most of the UK would love this arrangement but we are dragged around the UK to be absolutely miserable. I went to my sister's for Xmas once (15+ people) It was an absolute disaster, almost hell. Arrived at 12pm, Xmas dinner served at 6.30pm, one is the biggest piss takes I have experienced in life and I'm almost 50. I spent several hours with my autistic son who was stimming and anxious the whole time stuck in a kids playroom as the 7 other kids played FIFA. I said Never again.

Sounds bliss do it you will not regret it and enjoy christmas is so overrated all for a sunday dinner and a perfect family competition ie matching pjs Xmas eve boxes etc so cringy for one sodding day so be selfish one day a yzar and enjoy every second of it

Dh takes the kids to see his parents, sister and her family but only for a cup of tea and christmas cake. My dsis and I stay at home "cooking dinner" (ie we dance round the kitchen, go for a walk, stop at the pub etc). Then meet up for Christmas dinner after. I cannot stand dh's sister. She is a piece of work and I wouldn't go to her home if you paid me, so this works the best really

not selfish at all, in fact I find it selfish when people impose themselves on you at Christmas without considering if you want a family day without hosting.
We always spend it at home and see family on the days before and after Christmas, MIL usually sulks but we stick to our plan year after year. It’s the one day we get to stop and enjoy family time, no working, no housework, just family, presents and food!

Your friend is jealous 😂

We've always had christmas day in our own house since our kids were born, this will be 14th year in a row. We do have 8 guests on christmas day and 13 on boxing day this year, so our families don't miss out on spending time with the kids.