Is it selfish to spend Christmas Day at home?

[Tallzaragirl]

This isn't a wwyd as I'm not looking to change my mind, but I'm interested in opinions on this,

Is it selfish to simply spend every Christmas at home in your own house? We do this, I mentioned it to a friend and she was shocked and actually said "omg that is so selfish".

Our situation is that there is myself, dh and two children.

My parents live nearby but aren't fussed and don't really make much of Christmas.

In laws live a 30 minute drive away, mil loves Christmas, fil hates it. We have spent the day with them in the past but haven't enjoyed it for various reasons. Not being able to have a drink, kids getting bored, kids wanting to stay home in their pyjamas and play, fil being miserable and obnoxious. In laws inviting various other people without telling us.

We decided that we were going to stay at home and that people are free to stop by if they choose.

We are happy with this, it's one of the only days of the year where we get to really relax as we are constantly on the go.

We have spent the last 24 Christmases at home. DC are now 24 & 23. No plan to change it anytime soon!

Absolutely not

You can do what you bloody well like, don't be bullied or emotionally blackmailed by anyone.

Spent 1 Christmas at in-laws, wasn’t awful but it was a long drive, kids in our up beds, forced fun, GP telling them FC brought all the presents when they were off quotes and uncles, friends etc! Which is what the other GC believed. No gifts under the tree.

No seat at the table for me, not that I minded being on the a with a plate!

But I wouldn’t go again.

each To their own, I think if people notice being alone on Christmas Day then it’s nice if someone includes them in their day or shares theirs, but if they’re not bothered then it really doesn’t matter. And you deserve a nice Christmas too!!

It's not selfish.
Wheny kids were smaller,I stayed home.
It's the kids day,I don't believe in dragging them anywhere.

My son stays home with his kids.
We visit St Stephens Day.
I don't feel slighted.

Nope Yanbu. I come from a huge family, used to be 20+ people for Christmas, my Mom was run ragged. When I married she said start as you mean to go on. As she had made mistake of been skivvy for extended family who took the piss. So Christmas day is just us at home. One year I cooked at my mom's as she had broken her hip & couldn't. Now my Brother & his wife come to us, they are much older than me, he & his wife by their own admission are dreadful cooks ( they really are🤢) his MiL used to do Christmas, but now passed on. I couldn't bear the thought of them not having a nice Christmas dinner. They arrive at 12ish & go home by 6ish. Which is perfect. You do you. I think your friend may be jealous 🤭

You can spend Christmas day exactly where and how you want to. Nobody has a right to dictate what you do.

I can’t think of much I’d want to do less than see relatives on Christmas Day. DH, DS and I much prefer to have just the 3 of us spending the day together.

We then go to the football on Boxing Day so that’s another day we can enjoy together.

Big family get togethers really aren’t our thing.

Not selfish at all given you’ve said relatives live near & can pop in if they like

We’ve had every Christmas in this house, we’ve been here for 16 years.
Had 2 small dc at the time and had always been to my mums for Christmas and mils for Boxing Day, but once we moved in to this house we said no more, happy for anyone to come to us but we weren’t going anywhere.
So that’s what we do. And bloody everyone comes to us 😂😂

We decided this when we had DC, I don’t see it as selfish at all. For us it’s putting the DC first as much as anything.

Sounds like your friend is just projecting her families expectations and wants/needs onto you. Your day sounds perfect.

Stay at home if that’s what makes you happy, we did from the children were small and have had some magical Christmases. We hosted a lot but have stopped that now and the children understand why. I would never be one of those mums who expect our children to come for Christmas Day and probably selfishly DH and I go out for dinner now. We see family after Christmas to celebrate. Too many years were spent pleasing others, now we please ourselves.

Like I say I'm not looking to change my mind, it works for us.

Every year on here and even in real life I see so much upset caused by the obligation of Christmas and having to please everyone else but yourself.

It is the season of goodwill. But for many it's the one day that you get to completely to switch off. Also seems unfair to drag children around and away from their presents if they don't want to.

How would you feel then when your DC chooses to stay home for Christmas with their own children?

Yanbu. It's not selfish, but I do find it a bit sad that so many people aren't happy in the company of their extended family and friends. My experience as a child and now as a parent is of a busy, bustling people -filled Christmas. Full of laughter and good relationships. Children running wild with cousins and new toys and seeing parent, grandparents, cousins and cousins families.
Sounds like most people would hate that, but my extended family loves it!

So beyond weary of hearing the word 'selfish' used to denigrate women.

Teeeeeeedious.

They don’t, 2 live on the other side of the world and the other has never bothered about Christmas. Parents are allowed to have a life…

Yanbu.

This!

Not selfish at all! We always stayed at home as children with family visiting in the evening, my Mum always said she didn't want to drag us away from our toys to trek round all the relatives.

We spent a few years travelling round everyone after we got married. DHs family live a short flight away and mine are a 2 hour drive. We spent a fortune trying to see everyone keep everyone happy but always disappointing someone and going back to work exhausted in the New Year. So we said we wouldn't travel as soon as we had our own family. There's an open invitation for anyone to visit, but we stay at home with no pressure or timetable!

We've created our own traditions and it's really lovely. My parents agree with our approach as it's what they did. Not sure everyone else is happy but I really want my children to have an easy, comfortable Christmas in their own home. It's bliss!

Of course not!

It’s normal. It’s only the weight of all this pressure that says otherwise. Wish I’d done it more when kids were young. Am doing it this year.

Do your own thing. Life is too short.
I've spent many years having Christmas 'not of my choice' because I've either been sharing Christmas with XH when my DCs were younger and then looking after my DM because my DDad had died.
(I wouldn't have had it any other way as I was the only child in the country. Obviously it wasn't necessarily the way I would have chosen to do Christmas, and my DM was seriously unwell in the last years of her life, so I could never fully relax. She was barely able to get up and down my stairs but insisted on it, despite practically having to crawl up the stairs to bed and her mobility meant the moment I heard her out of bed in the morning I was up to make sure she didn't fall. I hope that doesn't make me sound selfish.)
This year, both of my DC are coming to me for Christmas, and they're old enough that I stand a chance of putting my feet up and letting them get on and cook! Either way, it will be a relaxed Christmas and I'm so looking forward to it. My oldest is also pregnant which is wonderful news!
I'm hoping it will be a Christmas to remember for good reasons.
I hope yours is too, @Tallzaragirl.