Is it selfish to spend Christmas Day at home?

[Tallzaragirl]

This isn't a wwyd as I'm not looking to change my mind, but I'm interested in opinions on this,

Is it selfish to simply spend every Christmas at home in your own house? We do this, I mentioned it to a friend and she was shocked and actually said "omg that is so selfish".

Our situation is that there is myself, dh and two children.

My parents live nearby but aren't fussed and don't really make much of Christmas.

In laws live a 30 minute drive away, mil loves Christmas, fil hates it. We have spent the day with them in the past but haven't enjoyed it for various reasons. Not being able to have a drink, kids getting bored, kids wanting to stay home in their pyjamas and play, fil being miserable and obnoxious. In laws inviting various other people without telling us.

We decided that we were going to stay at home and that people are free to stop by if they choose.

We are happy with this, it's one of the only days of the year where we get to really relax as we are constantly on the go.

I'm intrigued as to why they think it's selfish? Selfish towards who? I can only ever remember 2 times as a kid where we didn't have Christmas at home (just mum, dad, me and siblings), and both of those times it was because we knew it would be the last Christmas of GPs and the whole family got together to celebrate/make it special.

DP and I have usually alternated in spending it at our parents in recent years but we are having Christmas at home, just us and our 2 DC, this year and I honestly can't wait. Our oldest is at an age now where she properly understands Christmas and will want to stay at home and play with her gifts, etc., and I'm not prioritising pleasing others over her having a magical day.

There definitely seems to be an idea that it's selfish to just do your own thing (as in your own household) at Christmas.

My friend alternates between her parents and in laws. Sil (dh sister) alternates also and was horrified at the idea of spending the day at home, for fear of upsetting someone.

I guess it's the thought that you're depriving the grandparents of the day.

Selfish? Of course not!

Of course it's not selfish - sounds ideal. I always have Xmas Day at home - unless I'm abroad on a lovely holiday 😂

Isn't this what most people do? It's the norm isn't it? where else would you be on Christmas Day?!

After spending another Christmas at my parents house- walking on eggshells, telling the children not to be a nuisance, frightened to get a beer or a drink I decided it would be the last. Best decision I ever made. We just stay at home. The five of us and I love it.

My parents are elderly and lovely people who would do anything for me or my db. I spend Christmas with them most years because db and his family like to do their own thing every year. I wouldn't like my parents to be alone at Christmas so that means I spend it with them.

Sounds utterly blissful to me.

Totally agree, was just about to type this myself!

Christmas day is for children primarily whilst they believe in Santa, therefore allowing them to have those few years where they are the priority meant we went nowhere. They stayed in pjs and played and it was so relaxing.
I think it is a huge part of their happy memories.

Its one day that children generally prefer to stay put.
I see zero harm in trying to indulge that.

We do exactly the same. I would just rather be at home, DDs be able to open and play with their presents and I can sit in my pyjamas and drink champagne for breakfast if I so wish. We used to alternate visiting both sets of family before we had children but once DDs arrived, we chose to stay home.

We host 15 people for a buffet on Boxing Day though so I feel we do the big family get together, just not on the 25th. And it makes me even more determined to have a chilled out Christmas Day at home!

Wouldn’t have a problem with it at all. Not everyone sees things Christmas the same way and that is absolutely fine. No doubt we will catch up over the Christmas period at some point, it certainly doesn’t lease are selfish or don’t care for each other.

NO!!

Nope, we do the same. Just the 4 of us for Christmas Day and sometimes Boxing Day. We have a great, stress free day and just enjoy being a family. We all get very little pure family time without the distractions of kids clubs, our own activities etc so why not?! It also saves the hassle of we went to X’s house last year so now we have to have Y over or whatever.

Of course it's ok to be at home.

Her argument doesn't even make sense.
If nobody is at home then where are they all going?
Some people have to be at home for others to visit.

I wouldn't leave someone on their own on Christmas Day - last year we had a foreign student who worked with dd come join us but mostly we just spend it as a family of 4 - we don't visit anyone. I spent my entire childhood in Christmas hell - my father was often drunk and my mother was often drunk and in a rage with stress, the atmosphere was on the verge of WW3 all the time - horrible, really horrible getting away from that Christmas wasn't a tough decision. Dh's parents don't celebrate Christmas - so a bit of an easy out.

Why in the world is it selfish? I much prefer Christmas at home. Seems no one else is much bothered so why not?
When DH was alive we would host my parents and had his family another day. But my parents loved Christmas and they made it a special when I was growing up. They are all gone now.

I think your friend's reaction says more about them than you, TBH.

I feel sorry for your people pleasing friend.

Not selfish at all, and not sure how anyone thinks it is!

We started staying at home every Christmas once our youngest children were old enough to want to be in their own home (bout 3/4 years old).

We have an "open door" invitation to family and friends; they all know they can come for any or all of Christmas and stay or not stay. Some come for the day, some come and stay a few days, some don't come and we visit them sometime over the school Christmas holidays.

I have four kids and I really really don't want to spend Christmas transporting stockings and presents for them all, sleeping on sofas and floors etc etc.

We stayed home at Christmas when I was a child, and then travelled the country visiting between Christmas and new year. The travelling part was rubbish and I don't want to inflict that on my kids!

Not selfish at all, and as my late father used to say - it's nice for the children to be on their own home on Xmas Day.

Judging by the number of threads already from OPs who are tying themselves into knots trying to organise ways to keep everyone and his Uncle happy over the festive period, I'd say well bloody done, you!
You've cracked it.
Not selfish at all and do not let yourselves be guilted into thinking otherwise!
Enjoy!

No doesn't sound selfish! Perhaps if you were insisting people always had to come to you and you refused to travel to them but doesn't sound like the case. We always have Christmas at ours, my parents live very locally and join us for Christmas dinner but otherwise it's a chilled day, just us, presents, tv and a nice walk.

Why is it selfish? I think it’s wonderful. Christmas is very over rated.

Of course it’s not selfish. Your friend is jealous. Ignore. Why so many people stress themselves out having relatives they don’t even like over for dinner has always been beyond me.